I am a cis-female who is pansexual and polyamorous. I was diagnosed with BPD, CPTSD, severe depression and anxiety in 2016. I am happily married. We have four fur babies and one angel baby. I work in a social work setting and am working on my Bachelor's in Social Work/Human Services. I reside in Oklahoma and I am active in the BDSM community. I actively participate and live a DD/lg dynamic with my husband.
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She has another son....

Last night we went to my sister in laws and brother in laws for my birthday dinner. My brother in law is dying of cancer. He told my husband last night he wasn't going to be around much longer and my mother in law piped in "I will be right behind you".... Like to me that is insensitive, inconsiderate and flat out rude. She has another son, not just my brother in law. I told my husband how I feel about what she had said and he said "just reminds me of who the favorite child is". I told him I wanted to message her to express how inappropriate that was and to remind her she has another son, but I didn't and he was glad. I am still irritated for him. #Familydrama #cancersucks

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Am I Allowed to Feel?

This is long. So bear with me.

So a majority of you know my brother in law was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer last September. He had four rounds of aggressive chemo, went back to MD Anderson for a scan and the cancer had reduced, so they put him on a less aggressive and intense chemo for the remaining four rounds. After those four he went back to MD Anderson for another scan and the cancer had spread. They ordered eight more rounds of intensive chemo and told him he has about one year if he didn't take well to the chemo, two if he did. He had his first round of the new chemo three weeks ago.

Since that first round, he has had agonizing abdominal cramps, vomiting and diarrhea. He has not been able to eat or drink. He was in and out of the ERs, including MD Anderson, his last ER finally admitting him where he remained for roughly nine to ten days.

While at Hillcrest Main in Tulsa, during his time there they constantly had fluid IV going to him because he was so dehydrated. His potassium was super low so they were pushing potassium. He was ordered a feeding tube but he couldn't take the one down the nose and the surgeon said for his type of cancer, the feeding tube surgery had a high fatality plus she did not believe it would help. So they skipped that, did a colonoscopy and a endoscopy. His throat and bowels were swollen. They took a sample during the colonoscopy to test for C-Diff bacteria. The doctor said it looked, smelled, acted, etc like C-Diff but they could not start medications for it until they had a positive lab. They stated it would take 2-3 days to get results.

Guess what? They DESTROYED the sample. They never tested it! So he has to have ANOTHER colonoscopy done. They next day they told him it wasn't C-Diff and it was just that he was in the final stages of his cancer. How can you go from 2-3 days to get the results to "we got them it's not C-Diff".

He left the hospital on Friday or Saturday and is home. The plan was to get him to MD Anderson (if it was the cancer, they would have seen it on the scan the week prior when he was there) but he is too weak to make the trip. He has decided to stop chemo and to bring in hospice. He is exhausted and sick of being in pain and just doesn't want to be in pain anymore.

I am angry at the hospitals for this. I am upset it feels like he is giving up (I know he isn't, he is tired, his body is tired and he is mentally exhausted from constant battling). My heart breaks that my husband will no longer have his brother, my mother in law will no longer have two sons and my sister in law will no longer have her husband. I feel guilty and that I have no right to be we upset or cry as much as I have the last two days because, I just married into this family. I didn't realize how much I would love having a brother in law and sister in law that would I actively want to participate in their lives.

I ask that you all pray for my entire family of in-laws and me. We are going to need it. It's going to be a rough time during and for a bit after. I love you all. ❣️

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