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@asterisk
Chronic pain warrior, mental health fighter, AS, migraine sufferer and EUPD. Along with other stuff that makes my life fun.
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Uphill battle

Bit of struggle again.

My hearing is going again. The doctor doesn’t seem bothered because it’s not blocked and doesn’t look infected, and said to come back if it continued. It’s already been a month with it and it’s not gone away. Its incredibly frustrating when it goes. Its disorientating. And surely no visible cause is concerning? Especially given I haven’t made it a year post-op yet.

My heartburn and acid reflux have taken a sudden turn for the worse, around 5 years into suffering with it. I was almost constantly taking gaviscon over the last few days after I came back from my holiday, so I booked an urgent appointment because I couldn’t live like it when it was affecting my sleep too. I’ve got a prescription and they want me to have a OGD. I don’t really see why, because it’s genetics.

I also caught covid again. I went out to a concert and that’s all it took. I however kept testing negative from the Tuesday I first was symptomatic, until the Saturday when I finally tested positive. The one time I went out somewhere that had a lot of people. (Disclaimer: I am fully vaccinated, have the booster and I had covid before (another disclaimer: back when the vaccines weren’t around and my entire family were basically key workers)).

Also had a bunch of other minor illnesses and general conditions/ chronic pain I have getting worse. I think it’s gonna be sick girl summer.

#ChronicPain #BackPain #HearingLoss #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #Heartburn #AcidReflux #COVID19 #Postop #ill #hardtimes

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices
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Uphill battle

Bit of struggle again.

My hearing is going again. The doctor doesn’t seem bothered because it’s not blocked and doesn’t look infected, and said to come back if it continued. It’s already been a month with it and it’s not gone away. Its incredibly frustrating when it goes. Its disorientating. And surely no visible cause is concerning? Especially given I haven’t made it a year post-op yet.

My heartburn and acid reflux have taken a sudden turn for the worse, around 5 years into suffering with it. I was almost constantly taking gaviscon over the last few days after I came back from my holiday, so I booked an urgent appointment because I couldn’t live like it when it was affecting my sleep too. I’ve got a prescription and they want me to have a OGD. I don’t really see why, because it’s genetics.

I also caught covid again. I went out to a concert and that’s all it took. I however kept testing negative from the Tuesday I first was symptomatic, until the Saturday when I finally tested positive. The one time I went out somewhere that had a lot of people. (Disclaimer: I am fully vaccinated, have the booster and I had covid before (another disclaimer: back when the vaccines weren’t around and my entire family were basically key workers)).

Also had a bunch of other minor illnesses and general conditions/ chronic pain I have getting worse. I think it’s gonna be sick girl summer.

#ChronicPain #BackPain #HearingLoss #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #Heartburn #AcidReflux #COVID19 #Postop #ill #hardtimes

2 people are talking about this
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New Diagnosis

29.08.2019 (a message sent to a friend):
“I think I suffer from BPD

16.05.2022 (said by a doctor in person*):
“I’m diagnosing you with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. Do you know what that is?”

———————————
* = I cannot remember the exact words, but this was the gist of it

BPD is called EUPD here in the UK. I was told this a few months ago when I first started the fight for a diagnosis. I didn’t realise how long I suspected it until the other week, when I found the original message expressing my concern to my best friend.

I didn’t get the opportunity to suggest it to my doctor until I moved away from home. And after that, I had to gain the strength to ask about it. A diagnosis is final. I can’t think it’s something else when I get diagnosed. But, saying “I might have BPD” to explain my difficulties gets tiring. I wanted the certainty, not living under a self-diagnosis.

I have no issues with self-dx, especially since it’s what I had to go by for almost 3 years. However, being self-dx meant that it was just that. There was no certainty, I couldn’t argue if someone said “are you sure?” (thankfully no-one did), I couldn’t get help related to it. And I ultimately just felt uncomfortable.

//

I wasn’t expecting a diagnosis today. Last time I mentioned it, the doctor didn’t seem keen, saying it could be bipolar disorder instead, among other potentials. Today was just supposed to be an appointment that messed around with my medication and looked at previous contact with the mental health services.

But I twigged about halfway into the appointment. When she started asking the questions. I met the 5 criteria she mentioned, and she didn’t have to mention any others. Even when I said one was probably a trauma response. I guess it was both.

It didn’t make it any less surreal when she said the words though. After 3 years to be told that yes my suspicions were right.

I’m not sure how a diagnosis will change things in terms of help. I thought maybe I would be able to be put on medication to perhaps regulate my mood, but apparently medication isn’t very effective. And I was already put on the waiting list of DBT. I guess we’ll wait and see.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #EUPD #Diagnosis #SelfDiagnosis #DBT

7 people are talking about this
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A proper life update

TLDR of my absence before my last post is my account was deactivated for an unknown reason.

I’ve had some ups and downs. I’ll start with the negatives:

My mental health went downhill and I ended up having my first section + several more afterwards. I’ve been diagnosed with migraines. My tendon pain keeps flaring up. I’ve had medication difficulties. Heartburn has increased in occurrences. I lost my “second family” (ex’s family). I had to file a police report and it’s been traumatic. I lost a lot of weight.

The positives:
I’m finally under the mental health services. I have medication for the migraines that works. I now have another “second family” (my best friends family) after seeing my best friend for the second time. I found out my hearing loss is gone. My chronic pain is hardly there these days. I gained the weight back.

1 person is talking about this
Community Voices
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New Diagnosis

29.08.2019 (a message sent to a friend):
“I think I suffer from BPD

16.05.2022 (said by a doctor in person*):
“I’m diagnosing you with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. Do you know what that is?”

———————————
* = I cannot remember the exact words, but this was the gist of it

BPD is called EUPD here in the UK. I was told this a few months ago when I first started the fight for a diagnosis. I didn’t realise how long I suspected it until the other week, when I found the original message expressing my concern to my best friend.

I didn’t get the opportunity to suggest it to my doctor until I moved away from home. And after that, I had to gain the strength to ask about it. A diagnosis is final. I can’t think it’s something else when I get diagnosed. But, saying “I might have BPD” to explain my difficulties gets tiring. I wanted the certainty, not living under a self-diagnosis.

I have no issues with self-dx, especially since it’s what I had to go by for almost 3 years. However, being self-dx meant that it was just that. There was no certainty, I couldn’t argue if someone said “are you sure?” (thankfully no-one did), I couldn’t get help related to it. And I ultimately just felt uncomfortable.

//

I wasn’t expecting a diagnosis today. Last time I mentioned it, the doctor didn’t seem keen, saying it could be bipolar disorder instead, among other potentials. Today was just supposed to be an appointment that messed around with my medication and looked at previous contact with the mental health services.

But I twigged about halfway into the appointment. When she started asking the questions. I met the 5 criteria she mentioned, and she didn’t have to mention any others. Even when I said one was probably a trauma response. I guess it was both.

It didn’t make it any less surreal when she said the words though. After 3 years to be told that yes my suspicions were right.

I’m not sure how a diagnosis will change things in terms of help. I thought maybe I would be able to be put on medication to perhaps regulate my mood, but apparently medication isn’t very effective. And I was already put on the waiting list of DBT. I guess we’ll wait and see.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #EUPD #Diagnosis #SelfDiagnosis #DBT

7 people are talking about this
Community Voices
A

New Diagnosis

29.08.2019 (a message sent to a friend):
“I think I suffer from BPD

16.05.2022 (said by a doctor in person*):
“I’m diagnosing you with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. Do you know what that is?”

———————————
* = I cannot remember the exact words, but this was the gist of it

BPD is called EUPD here in the UK. I was told this a few months ago when I first started the fight for a diagnosis. I didn’t realise how long I suspected it until the other week, when I found the original message expressing my concern to my best friend.

I didn’t get the opportunity to suggest it to my doctor until I moved away from home. And after that, I had to gain the strength to ask about it. A diagnosis is final. I can’t think it’s something else when I get diagnosed. But, saying “I might have BPD” to explain my difficulties gets tiring. I wanted the certainty, not living under a self-diagnosis.

I have no issues with self-dx, especially since it’s what I had to go by for almost 3 years. However, being self-dx meant that it was just that. There was no certainty, I couldn’t argue if someone said “are you sure?” (thankfully no-one did), I couldn’t get help related to it. And I ultimately just felt uncomfortable.

//

I wasn’t expecting a diagnosis today. Last time I mentioned it, the doctor didn’t seem keen, saying it could be bipolar disorder instead, among other potentials. Today was just supposed to be an appointment that messed around with my medication and looked at previous contact with the mental health services.

But I twigged about halfway into the appointment. When she started asking the questions. I met the 5 criteria she mentioned, and she didn’t have to mention any others. Even when I said one was probably a trauma response. I guess it was both.

It didn’t make it any less surreal when she said the words though. After 3 years to be told that yes my suspicions were right.

I’m not sure how a diagnosis will change things in terms of help. I thought maybe I would be able to be put on medication to perhaps regulate my mood, but apparently medication isn’t very effective. And I was already put on the waiting list of DBT. I guess we’ll wait and see.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #EUPD #Diagnosis #SelfDiagnosis #DBT

7 people are talking about this
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Update

My mental health has been better. There’s times when I struggle, but I’m trying my best to stay upbeat. Doctors have finally decreased my meds after I took it into my own hands and decreased it myself.

One thing I forgot to mention here was that I had a torn tendon 2 months back. I’m fully recovered now, which naturally means I’m getting tendon pain in the other foot and felt it trying to tear itself/ it would have if I didn’t have such a short distance to walk on that day.

I had bad news at my second post-op appointment. I was told I had an ear infection. It’s thankfully cleared up now, but it meant another two weeks of 3x a day drops, which didn’t really work with my lifestyle. Now it’s just the anxious wait to find out if it’s caused my op to fail, as they were worried.

The sinus issues have been bad. I wasn’t symptomatic last week, so I stupidly didn’t take it when I should have and I’ve paid for it this week where nothing is getting the migraines under control.

To be honest, I’ve been getting tired of taking medication. I’ve been taking them every day for almost 10 years now. I don’t remember a life without them. All my teenage and adult years, I was taking them. I hate that I can’t just simply go to sleep when I’m exhausted, I have to take my medication and make sure it’s the right amount of tablets for the right medications. And I’ve had 3 new medications added in the last few weeks, so it is getting tiring. But I simply can’t exist without them, I’ve seen what I’m like without them.

My chronic pain has been worse. And with my refusal to take painkillers unless absolutely necessary, worsened by the whole medication issue, I’ve been struggling.

#ChronicPain #EarInfection #Infection #Pain #Medication #Medicine #MentalHealth #sinusitis #Migraines #Postop #Recovery

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Keeping on fighting

I’ve been ill on and off for about a month now. At first, I pushed myself, but then the second bug came along and I was told to rest so I did. And then my body has just become a mess and I’m behind at Uni. So I’m having to catch up while still being ill.

Something reactivated the back pain and for the past few days it’s changed my mobility. Limping a little because it’s on one side (so now I’m getting pain on the other side as well as it’s being pulled!), and I’ve been having to sit down more. It’ll be okay though.

The other night, my flatmate gave the drunk neighbours their keycard and they came round and verbally abused and harassed me. I ended up telling them to leave if they had just come round to harass me.

My mental health is at an all-time low. I’ve been placed on some sort of suicide watch after someone had to stay with me while they were waiting on the ambulance service to call back when I went through the second crisis of the week, as ever since then I’ve had random visits/ messages checking in on me.

I’m also unemployed at the moment which isn’t helping. I started a new job and was made redundant 5 days after I started it. My old job offered to take me back but with how my back has been and it including making beds, it’s too much.

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Mess

The stalker has been harassing my friends… Then stalkers friend harassed me for going to the police about him. Changed my number and paid for a VPN now.

My mental health hasn’t been great. I feel alone. And my flat is quiet. I see all the other flats are all bonded and mine is just empty. I tried twice to get everyone in the same room but both times they all dipped, so I stopped bothering trying.

My family don’t know about the stalker. Of course they asked when I changed my number, but I made it out that I was getting a lot of spam calls. I know if I told them the truth, I’d be forced to go back home. I’ve fought for my independence for so long, that I’m not losing it now.

I don’t feel so unsafe in my flat now but I still watch my back whenever I’m out and I get nervous about knocking at the door.

Off-topic news: caught a bug and it’s making its way down to my chest. Worried about work because I’ve had very little hours as of late and they’re advertising for more people so I know there’s hours available. Going to give myself options because I’m working at a loss with parking and petrol costs with this little amount of hours.

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