AutisticAdvocacy95

@autistic98
Unemployed Autistic Self-Advocate. University graduate. Multiple trauma survivor. Need to connect with others "like me".
Nera Birch

Depression vs. Autistic Burnout: How to Tell the Difference

My depressive episodes and my autistic burnout episodes are two completely different things, although it did take quite a while to figure out that they were two separate entities. When I was younger, they blurred together a lot. I wasn’t able to verbalize the difference until recently. In my depressive episodes, all I want to do is sleep. Napping is the perfect way to diminish hours until it is time to go to bed again. I cry so much, usually loud gasping sobs. I also will talk to myself while crying, mostly nonsensical sentences. With burnout, I basically become paralyzed. During burnout, all I can do is sit somewhere and stare off into space. I don’t even feel like sleeping. I just become non-verbal and stare at the wall until a human comes along and tries to snap me out of it, although I am not always able to. If I’m by myself, it’s even worse, because I just have to sit there, waiting for it to be over. It’s like my meat puppet is there, but my soul is gone. I am able to cry, but it is usually just silent tears running down my face. Burnout is one of the scariest parts of being autistic, for me. It is terrifying being unable to even twitch a finger. There are differences in what causes the depression or burnout. I feel like my depression is more of a mental state and my burnout is when I just completely shut down. My burnout occurs most when I am done trying to exist in the scary human world and need a break. It happens a lot when I feel lonely or when I am going through a PTSD experience involving my abusive parents or ex-spouse. It also correlates a lot to when I feel like my social skills are inadequate and that no one will ever want to interact with me. One thing that is the same in both burnout and depression is the mean voice in my head. It is a constant litany of self-hate that enjoys reaching into the deepest depths of my mind to find whatever material it can use. The mean voice delights in bringing up whatever is necessary to keep me in a state of misery. Another similarity is the urge to kill myself. Both depression and burnout hurt a lot physically and mentally and my usually passive suicidal thoughts take a turn for the worse. The last thing they have in common is the occasional yo-yo effect. I will find myself being terribly upset one moment, better the next, and right back into the sadness. That makes it even harder to cope, because I never know what or when is happening next. There aren’t many tips I can give for dealing with either depression or burnout, other than to just try and get through it. I have made plans while in a good state of mind as to what to do if burnout or depression strikes. I have a list of activities, such as knitting and reading, and a list of people I can go to if I need help. I tell myself a lot that each minute that passes is another minute you managed to survive. It might be the smallest triumph, but at least it is a triumph.

Community Voices

Anyone else here asexual? #asexual

I've faced confusion over my sexuality most my life. First I thought I was straight, then when I couldn't form relationships I presumed I was gay, as there was some sexual attraction there, but that didn't work out. I then identified as bisexual, but none of this was really me.

More recently I realised part of the problem is that I don't enjoy or desire sex. When I was growing up asexuality was not discussed, but as it became more openly discussed I feel this is me.

What I'm not sure about is whether autism is the reason I'm Asexual, as I'm not comfortable being close to people and am very awkward when trying to form relationships. Or whether my autism is irrelevant and not linked to my lack of sexual desire.

Do any of you feel conflicted and unsure about their sexuality? #AutismSpectrumDisorder

5 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Anyone else here asexual? #asexual

I've faced confusion over my sexuality most my life. First I thought I was straight, then when I couldn't form relationships I presumed I was gay, as there was some sexual attraction there, but that didn't work out. I then identified as bisexual, but none of this was really me.

More recently I realised part of the problem is that I don't enjoy or desire sex. When I was growing up asexuality was not discussed, but as it became more openly discussed I feel this is me.

What I'm not sure about is whether autism is the reason I'm Asexual, as I'm not comfortable being close to people and am very awkward when trying to form relationships. Or whether my autism is irrelevant and not linked to my lack of sexual desire.

Do any of you feel conflicted and unsure about their sexuality? #AutismSpectrumDisorder

5 people are talking about this
Community Voices

When you need a pep talk, where do you turn?

<p>When you need a pep talk, where do you turn?</p>
18 people are talking about this
Community Voices
Rhonda

My son

Can someone help me understand my grown son who has Aspergers? He is sleeping until 5 in the afternoon, does not work. Plays video games. I do not know what else to do to help him.

#Autism

9 people are talking about this
Community Voices
Patty

My 35 year old son runs up big debts and hardly works at his own business. Is this part of an Aspergian experience or is he just unmotivated and lazy?

3 people are talking about this
Community Voices

How do I accept that I’m getting better on this long road? #CPTSD

I’ve been in therapy for four years now, three years with my current and amazing trauma-informed therapist.

I have made great strides. We’ve spent three years building up my resources and my sense of adult self. Being a verbal processor and someone who needs to come at something from seventeen different angles before I accept the truth — a by-product of my parents, especially my mother, abusing me and gaslighting me — were to the point where I’m ready to really do the hard work of EMDR. There are some memories that I’ll only be able to work on the big D, Desensitizing, because my dissociated memories of some incidents are so fragmented there’s not a lot to big R, Reprocess.

But in a summer limbo of no therapy because of schedules and surgeries, I’ve found that I’m … okay. I’m … strong. I’m … an adult.

And this realization that I’m not constantly in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn … is weird. And strange. And uncomfortable.

Today, I almost had a panic attack while talking to my wife about this for the second time in Ass many days. I like where I am, but I’m so primed and conditioned after a lifetime of being treated as inferior and abused that being kind of “normal” is scary.

I was able to work through the emotions, mostly, but still did need a Xanax to bring me back and help me focus on the tasks at hand. I’m not ashamed of using an aid — that’s what it’s there for.

Bit it’s so weird being kind of normal, living a normal life, reacting to most situations in a normal way, able to go back and repair to the best of my ability when I need to, understanding when someone else should repair with me instead of always feeling less than.

It’s so weird and foreign. But everything is a stage and everything is an opportunity, so I will work through this as I have countless things that have come before.

If you have felt or are feeling the same way, my heart goes out to you as we transition from caterpillars to butterflies. As we grow even if some around us aren’t growing at the same rate it don’t recognize the changes in us. It’s not for them to notice. It’s these moments for us to live and thrive in.

#emdr #Childhoodtrauma #Trauma #Anxiety #PanicDisorder #CheerMeOn #CPTSD

8 people are talking about this
Community Voices

WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE

<p>WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE</p>
16 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Tired

I am a mother of a child with autism. There is no support and it has taken 17 years to get the school to understand his diagnosis of PDD, now ASD. My feelings of frustration have become so overwhelming that I have begun to believe this is all my fault. Being on the spectrum myself how could I have ever helped him. Im treading water.

9 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Tired

I am a mother of a child with autism. There is no support and it has taken 17 years to get the school to understand his diagnosis of PDD, now ASD. My feelings of frustration have become so overwhelming that I have begun to believe this is all my fault. Being on the spectrum myself how could I have ever helped him. Im treading water.

9 people are talking about this