black bird

@blackbird555
Community Voices

Living for the Daylight

<p>Living for the Daylight</p>
Community Voices

Feeling better. I’ve been in bed the last 3 days. But today I showered, out on make up, and a dress and went grocery shopping. But difference!!!

I hope I can come out of this depression. Had a close a call with death and my Mom is having surgery and my cousin has drank himself to death. I do not want that to be me.

3 people are talking about this
Community Voices

I don’t know how to tell my story but I guess I’ll just start somewhere and describe each piece of a difficult situation that is happening to me and I have no idea how to process

This week I found out my sister has ovarian cancer. It also happens that my sister made the choice to have no contact with me for the last 7 years. You need to know that I’m not some kind of monster who did anything super abusive or horrible to her for her to make this extreme decision to deny my existence. I’m just an average person, and the last time we had a real interaction was at my bridal shower 7 years ago where she was nagging me and I was stressed and snapped at her, nothing special, just siblings fighting about arriving on time for a brunch. You also need to know my sister has lived her life with undiagnosed & untreated mental health issues, issues large enough to negatively impact her life in big ways, she became anti-social, is unable to keep a steady job and overall has affected her ability to create the life she wanted (I’m not perfect either but I’ve been in therapy for years and gotten medical treatment). So back to this week, I learned from my mom about the diagnosis, and I researched the statistics around ovarian cancer and it’s not great is what I’m hearing. I decided to send supportive messages to my sister on telegram and she immediately blocked me. Mind you I have not attempted to reach out to her for years because she made it clear in first year she doesn’t want to talk me, never replied to my emails and never tried to contact me, so I respected her boundaries but also because I’m a human being and I do not deserve this degree of punishment. For most of our lives I was incredibly supportive of her, I paid her tuition, I gifted her trips to Europe and California, I invited her to live in my condo and only pay utilities to help build her build confidence and become more independent, and yet because of an argument she has chosen to alienate me completely. Yet considering the gravity of the situation I reached out to her and her response was to block me. So I am here today knowing my estranged sister has a serious illness that affects her mortality and I know she will go through this experience mostly alone, except for my parents and also knowing I will only be a distant witness to a very serious thing happening to my only sibling. I cannot fathom how she could hold on to a grudge towards me for so many years for an incident where I was irritated and angry with her on a day that was stressful for me, to the degree where even through a global pandemic and in the case of a life altering illness she refuses to recognize my humanity.

I have no idea how to feel, every hour I feel something different. I feel shocked, sad, angry, but then I feel indifferent because she chose to severe our relationship not me. I feel I should do everything I can and pay for her to get best medical therapy but also that I shouldn’t for someone who doesn’t even care about me.

10 people are talking about this
Community Voices

I don’t know how to tell my story but I guess I’ll just start somewhere and describe each piece of a difficult situation that is happening to me and I have no idea how to process

This week I found out my sister has ovarian cancer. It also happens that my sister made the choice to have no contact with me for the last 7 years. You need to know that I’m not some kind of monster who did anything super abusive or horrible to her for her to make this extreme decision to deny my existence. I’m just an average person, and the last time we had a real interaction was at my bridal shower 7 years ago where she was nagging me and I was stressed and snapped at her, nothing special, just siblings fighting about arriving on time for a brunch. You also need to know my sister has lived her life with undiagnosed & untreated mental health issues, issues large enough to negatively impact her life in big ways, she became anti-social, is unable to keep a steady job and overall has affected her ability to create the life she wanted (I’m not perfect either but I’ve been in therapy for years and gotten medical treatment). So back to this week, I learned from my mom about the diagnosis, and I researched the statistics around ovarian cancer and it’s not great is what I’m hearing. I decided to send supportive messages to my sister on telegram and she immediately blocked me. Mind you I have not attempted to reach out to her for years because she made it clear in first year she doesn’t want to talk me, never replied to my emails and never tried to contact me, so I respected her boundaries but also because I’m a human being and I do not deserve this degree of punishment. For most of our lives I was incredibly supportive of her, I paid her tuition, I gifted her trips to Europe and California, I invited her to live in my condo and only pay utilities to help build her build confidence and become more independent, and yet because of an argument she has chosen to alienate me completely. Yet considering the gravity of the situation I reached out to her and her response was to block me. So I am here today knowing my estranged sister has a serious illness that affects her mortality and I know she will go through this experience mostly alone, except for my parents and also knowing I will only be a distant witness to a very serious thing happening to my only sibling. I cannot fathom how she could hold on to a grudge towards me for so many years for an incident where I was irritated and angry with her on a day that was stressful for me, to the degree where even through a global pandemic and in the case of a life altering illness she refuses to recognize my humanity.

I have no idea how to feel, every hour I feel something different. I feel shocked, sad, angry, but then I feel indifferent because she chose to severe our relationship not me. I feel I should do everything I can and pay for her to get best medical therapy but also that I shouldn’t for someone who doesn’t even care about me.

10 people are talking about this
Community Voices

I’m Broken 🫠 but Perfectly fine with it 👍🏼

Last week in the middle of a conversation about things we need to do in our old age, and my husband said “well you didn’t win the genetic lottery” - I was about to be offended then I mentally listed all my conditions: misophonia, ADHD, anxiety, depression, MCAS and also weak joints and just started to laugh 😂 wow I really didn’t! I told him he better start ramping up now on all the different things he’s going to need to learn to be a great caregiver for me ❤️‍🩹

4 people are talking about this
Community Voices

What ‘adulting basic’ is the hardest for you when you’re depressed?

<p>What ‘adulting basic’ is the hardest for you when you’re depressed?</p>
62 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Pet Therapy

<p>Pet Therapy</p>
8 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Pet Therapy

<p>Pet Therapy</p>
8 people are talking about this