calanida508

@calanida508
https://instagram.com/picfor_words
Community Voices

Wondering how do I

How do I hide the pain from my friends.... without hiding a part of myself.

How do I hide the pain from my friends....
without hiding,
or ending up all by myself.

How do I show my friends,
without hurting,
or pushing them away,
because I was thinking only about myself,
or maybe it was just about the pain...

#ChronicPain #Fibromyalgia #Poem #MightyPoets #Spoonie #Thought

Community Voices

What to do with this body

What do you say when you are given this body
What do you think when it doesn't work
What do you do when you have all this hopes and dreams but your body keeps getting in the way
Time after time it keeps interfering as if it had its own plans, not caring about what you had in mind
Just
What do you do
What do you think
What do you say when your body won't let you be yourself

#Poem #Fibro #Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain

1 person is talking about this
Community Voices

Letter to my friends who mean well

Dear friends who mean well,

I need you to stop telling me that you hope I feel better, that you hope I get better. I’ve got some news that you should already know by now, that’s not happening. I know you mean well, and that you are just hoping for the best because you hate to see me this sick, but I’m never actually gonna get better, or even healthier than now. That’s not happening. I need you to stop saying: Hope you get/feel better! Trust me, I know you mean well, but it makes me feel so bad knowing that will never happen. Knowing that I will never actually “get better” or better yet, be healthy.

I’ve had a long battle accepting that what I have is a disability. Even to this day I don’t want to admit it. I don’t want to accept the fact that it’s going to affect every single aspect of my life, that it already does. I’ve learned to plan ahead and sometimes foresee when things are gonna get worse. But the truth is, I don’t really know when that would be. I can be great one minute, and dying of pain, curled up on the floor for the next hour, or not.

I know this is hard, and I’m sorry that you had to see me at one of the worst episodes I’ve had in years, but that’s my normal. That happens to me sometimes, that’s going to keep happening to me. What you see is how my body usually feels every day, not that bad, but you get the idea. The thing is, you can’t see that everyday, it's like it's invisible, but let me assure you, the pain is always there. The big difference between those days is my energy. How much I have and how much I can fight with myself just to go on and try to have a normal life, pretending my body is not or fire, yelling at me to lay or sit down because it's so tired and just wants to rest.

So friend, I thank you for your wishes and all, but please stop. Don’t tell me to get better, tell me I've got this. Tell me I'm strong and that I've been through worst. Remind me that this time I'm not alone anymore. Just being there with me, holding my hand goes a long way. Don’t say it’ll pass, help me get distracted and not think about it. I’ll tell you what helps, send me a text or something, help me take my mind off the attack and help me calm down, because i’m probably freaking out and scared, it doesn’t help if I need to think about how it’s affecting you, i’m barely holding myself, I don’t need to hold you too. I know it’s hard, I know it's tough, but I'm tired of smiling and putting up a mask when I’m already fighting myself. So maybe, what I’m actually trying to say is that what I actually need, what would actually help, is for you to give me permission to feel my pain without having to put up a face, or lie and kid myself saying that i’ll get better in the end.

With love,

your friend with a chronic illness.

#ChronicIllness #Fibromyalgia #chronic #ChronicPain #Letter #Thought #Friends #Pain

8 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Letter to my friends who mean well

Dear friends who mean well,

I need you to stop telling me that you hope I feel better, that you hope I get better. I’ve got some news that you should already know by now, that’s not happening. I know you mean well, and that you are just hoping for the best because you hate to see me this sick, but I’m never actually gonna get better, or even healthier than now. That’s not happening. I need you to stop saying: Hope you get/feel better! Trust me, I know you mean well, but it makes me feel so bad knowing that will never happen. Knowing that I will never actually “get better” or better yet, be healthy.

I’ve had a long battle accepting that what I have is a disability. Even to this day I don’t want to admit it. I don’t want to accept the fact that it’s going to affect every single aspect of my life, that it already does. I’ve learned to plan ahead and sometimes foresee when things are gonna get worse. But the truth is, I don’t really know when that would be. I can be great one minute, and dying of pain, curled up on the floor for the next hour, or not.

I know this is hard, and I’m sorry that you had to see me at one of the worst episodes I’ve had in years, but that’s my normal. That happens to me sometimes, that’s going to keep happening to me. What you see is how my body usually feels every day, not that bad, but you get the idea. The thing is, you can’t see that everyday, it's like it's invisible, but let me assure you, the pain is always there. The big difference between those days is my energy. How much I have and how much I can fight with myself just to go on and try to have a normal life, pretending my body is not or fire, yelling at me to lay or sit down because it's so tired and just wants to rest.

So friend, I thank you for your wishes and all, but please stop. Don’t tell me to get better, tell me I've got this. Tell me I'm strong and that I've been through worst. Remind me that this time I'm not alone anymore. Just being there with me, holding my hand goes a long way. Don’t say it’ll pass, help me get distracted and not think about it. I’ll tell you what helps, send me a text or something, help me take my mind off the attack and help me calm down, because i’m probably freaking out and scared, it doesn’t help if I need to think about how it’s affecting you, i’m barely holding myself, I don’t need to hold you too. I know it’s hard, I know it's tough, but I'm tired of smiling and putting up a mask when I’m already fighting myself. So maybe, what I’m actually trying to say is that what I actually need, what would actually help, is for you to give me permission to feel my pain without having to put up a face, or lie and kid myself saying that i’ll get better in the end.

With love,

your friend with a chronic illness.

#ChronicIllness #Fibromyalgia #chronic #ChronicPain #Letter #Thought #Friends #Pain

8 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Thoughts about my #CPTSD and #Fibromyalgia

Oh fuck, let's just roll.
I hate it. I fucking hate it.
And I really don't want to complain,
but sometimes even I think I'm faking.
But how could it when it pains me.

How could it be when the pain feels so real?
How could it when the pain in my heart matches the pain in my mind
When the pain just works itself onto my body like an uninvited guest to this surprise party.

I hate how the pain stays.
Sometimes they even bring out friends,
Ha! That's funny,
The pain has friends

How would you say,
Hey, by the way,
I think i'm never actually ok.
Even when I have a good day,
I don't know if it'll stay that way.
I don't know if my body will start to act up,
Or if i will get hit with a flashback

I would never say it,
I wouldn't really tell them,
I would feel like a pain and a burden.
I know my friends deserve better.

#chronic #ChronicIllness #Spoonie #CPTSD #PTSD #Poem #Fibromyalgia

Community Voices

I've been meaning to write this for a while,
I just didn't know how
I've been trying to find the right words,
I just didn't know what to put down
I think i do now

I'll start by saying thank you,
for all the time you were there when i needed the help,
for all the times you helped me and didn't know,
for all the times that are still yet to come

I want not only to say thank you,
I also want to say that I'm sorry
I'm sorry for all the times I'm not me
I'm sorry for feeling like an inconvenience,
even though you try to convince me otherwise
I'm sorry i sometimes let the darkness win
I'm sorry that I'll probably need you more than you ever need me

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

It really pains me to admit it,
but i might need more help
I hate to realise,
it just doesn't makes sense

I should be able to cook for myself every day,
But i know that my body can't take it.
I know that my body would crumble in pain.
Because sometimes it just doesn't have the strength or the energy,

There's a choice to be made,
Every day.
A choice on where to spend your spoons.
A choice where the mind and heart argue and fight to decide what to sacrifice,
even with a simple task...

Community Voices

Poem about my Fibromyalgia and CPTSD been friends #Fibro #Fibromyalgia #Poem #rant #CPTSD #PTSD

I fucking hate it,
you know?
Having to deal with all of this,
and no,
I don't wanna become that person.
The one that complains and whine about what they got in life
But some days,
the bad and dark days,
all I can do is wonder why do I have to deal with this.

If it's not one,
it's the other
Like they talk and converse with one another,
taking turns or teaming up
If it's not the pain in my bones and my joints feeling like a million stabbing icy needles,
it's the fire in my muscles and they burn like a wildfire,
and like wood when it burns,
My body twitches and tenses and like fire, turns and moves with it's own will and mind.

If it's not the pain in my body that makes me so sick and nauseous it makes me close my eyes and cry,
if it's not that pain,
then it’s my mind,
it's my heart.
It's all the restless nights not been able to breath,
almost waking up with a scream
It's all the effects they have on me and my life.

It's all the missed outings with friends because going out or moving was too much for me that day.
It's all the times I can't eat because my mind's not with me,
or maybe the pain is just too big i’m afraid of passing out.
It's all the lost friends and relationships,
i get it,
not everyone can handle it,
and not everyone is meant to stay

It's all the people I've hurt because they hate to see me in pain.
It's all the times I can't do anything for myself and need the help
It's all the times i hide it because i feel like a bother or just plain annoying
It's all the times I've wondered how long it will last.

It's all the times i don't call or text anyone,
end up alone and curled up crying,
regretting not asking for help,
maybe stuck on the floor not able to stand up just,
Or just stuck in my mind and needing to be held,
needing help coming back to reality and reassuring me it's ok
It's been afraid to do so,
because I’m afraid I’m already asking for too much,
because I'm afraid all of this will eventually push everyone away.

4 people are talking about this