Chronic Curls

I don’t want to die but I don’t know how to keep living anymore. This is not a cry for help. This is not a sympathy plea. And I don’t even have the energy to share my story anymore. It is too long and too painful and only gets worse as each year passes.
Most people that know me would be shocked if they knew I was writing this message right now. But I am truly scared. It’s been so many many many years of hell. I’m tired of hearing “you are the strongest person I know”. “You inspire me” “I don’t know how you do it” “it’s so unfair what keeps happening to you”
What I need is help to stay alive. I really want to. But every minute feels like it might be my last. I don’t know how to hold on anymore. There is nothing left in me.
I am not weak. I am not unhappy. I never get bored. I love life, people, places, nature and everything else this amazing world has to offer. I’ve had a career, volunteered, traveled the world, great experiences and haved loved every minute of it. But the pain of everything I’ve gone through from birth and all the unbelievably horrific new things that keep happening to me are finally winning. I had a sense for a long time now that something like this would eventually happen. I’ve tried so hard for it not to get to this point. I’ve asked for help even though that’s the hardest thing in the world for me to do. And nothing has worked. No one has stepped up. Nothing has happened to help me. I am no one’s responsibility. There is no one on this path with me. Many people love and enjoy being with me but then they go back to their lives. And I don’t blame them. It’s not their fault. I am alone in this hell. And it is winning. Please can someone help me and tell me how to stay alive? Thank you. #Suicide #ChildLoss #Grief #Abuse #ChronicIllness #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PTSD #Relationships

I feel so worthless and like life is pointless. I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t want to be. I go to sleep and hope I don’t wake up in the morning. I feel worthless and unwanted and unloved and unimportant. It’s getting harder and harder to fight these internal battles everyday. To get up and try to put a smile on. Everything takes so much energy. And I feel so alone. I feel like I’m constantly being let down. I can’t stop crying. I feel hallow and empty inside. I hate feeling this way and it doesn’t seem to get better. This day just went downhill quickly. #Depression #CheckInWithMe

It’s small, but it was something I was proud of because my mental health only gets worse while not taking care of myself while simultaneously having no energy to take care of myself. I’m grateful for this community. I am new to this app and I’m having bursts of hope reading everyone’s comments and supports so thank you for being here. #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Bipolar2

I’m constantly stuck in bed because my body physically can’t handle being out. I’m tired of it and just need things to do. #ChronicPain #MHE

If so, did it work?

At family gatherings, social media, and at work people ask me “How are you feeling?” I want to say “I feel like shit!” But, I want to say it in a nicer way.😅 I don’t want to lie and just say “I’m fine...” Any ideas? #CheckInWithMe

“Life is amazing. And then it's awful. And then it's amazing again. And in between the amazing and awful it's ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That's just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it's breathtakingly beautiful.”
― L.R. Knost

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #Depression #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #ChronicIllness #RareDisease #HidradenitisSuppurativa #Parenting #CheckInWithMe

Identity Crisis
I’m having one of those days where I pick up my pen with nothing much to say
Everything I go to write feels dramatic and fake
And I have a feeling it’s because today I’m doing ok
I took my medicine
Got enough sleep
Hung out with my mom
And had something to eat
The voices in my head have taken a break
But when they left they took my voice away
And I haven’t felt like me all day
Maybe I’m addicted to being sick
Or maybe I’ve just let it define me
All I know is I want to write
and now that I can’t I kinda want the voices back
Maybe I won’t take my meds tomorrow
Or I could go step on a scale
The voices would come running back to me
But now that I think about it I don’t want them back
I just want to know who the fuck I am when they’re gone
And most of all I want my words back
Oh hey look
There they are
#Anxiety #Depression #EatingDisorders #EatingDisorderRecovery