curiouscat4

@curiouscat4
Community Voices

When I look in the mirror, I see…

<p>When I look in the mirror, I see…</p>
126 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Trouble finding the words

I thought I would be able to sleep. I kept having intrusive memories and I had to just get up. Childhood memories. This is what I wanted; to regain memories and work through all this shit so I can find some peace before I die?? Now I'm afraid and not so sure that I can live through this or want too. My husband died almost 25 yrs ago and I still miss him soo much that my soul hurts. I feel so lost and alone without him. I died that day too. But I had to stay here to raise our daughters. I am still here because of them and my grandchildren.
I love them all so much but I feel so empty all the time.
This is why I can't stay clean and sober. At least, not more than 7yrs. When I start thinking/remembering my life and the multiple severe traumas, I get overwhelmed and want to die. Then relapse. HELL, this shit haunts me even when I'm drinking and doing drugs.
I can't keep living like this. I'm 57 and ready to die.
#CPTSD #Anxiety #Depression #Dissociation #ChildhoodAbuse #Addiction #Selfharm #alone

11 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Trouble finding the words

I thought I would be able to sleep. I kept having intrusive memories and I had to just get up. Childhood memories. This is what I wanted; to regain memories and work through all this shit so I can find some peace before I die?? Now I'm afraid and not so sure that I can live through this or want too. My husband died almost 25 yrs ago and I still miss him soo much that my soul hurts. I feel so lost and alone without him. I died that day too. But I had to stay here to raise our daughters. I am still here because of them and my grandchildren.
I love them all so much but I feel so empty all the time.
This is why I can't stay clean and sober. At least, not more than 7yrs. When I start thinking/remembering my life and the multiple severe traumas, I get overwhelmed and want to die. Then relapse. HELL, this shit haunts me even when I'm drinking and doing drugs.
I can't keep living like this. I'm 57 and ready to die.
#CPTSD #Anxiety #Depression #Dissociation #ChildhoodAbuse #Addiction #Selfharm #alone

11 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Trouble finding the words

I thought I would be able to sleep. I kept having intrusive memories and I had to just get up. Childhood memories. This is what I wanted; to regain memories and work through all this shit so I can find some peace before I die?? Now I'm afraid and not so sure that I can live through this or want too. My husband died almost 25 yrs ago and I still miss him soo much that my soul hurts. I feel so lost and alone without him. I died that day too. But I had to stay here to raise our daughters. I am still here because of them and my grandchildren.
I love them all so much but I feel so empty all the time.
This is why I can't stay clean and sober. At least, not more than 7yrs. When I start thinking/remembering my life and the multiple severe traumas, I get overwhelmed and want to die. Then relapse. HELL, this shit haunts me even when I'm drinking and doing drugs.
I can't keep living like this. I'm 57 and ready to die.
#CPTSD #Anxiety #Depression #Dissociation #ChildhoodAbuse #Addiction #Selfharm #alone

11 people are talking about this

11 Things People Wish They Were Told After Someone Dies

Loss sucks. The only thing that can hurt more than death though, are the trite cliches people tend to throw at you right after you’ve experienced loss — phrases such as, “I’m sorry for your loss,” or “They’re in a better place now.” For some, those words are helpful. However, for others, it’s the exact opposite. We asked the Mighty community what they wish someone said to them after loss, instead of those worn-out cliches. This is what they had to say: Honesty is the best policy with grief. “I know there’s nothing I can say that will make this better, but I want you to know that I’m here for you as much as I can be.” — Christa M. “I don’t know what to say, but you know I’m heartbroken for you” — Jill G. “I cannot possibly relate but I am here to be present for you.” — Maya L. Emotional validation is always needed when someone dies. “What I wish someone had told me when someone passed was that it’s okay to feel conflicted with the person’s death and my feelings about it. I wish I had been told that any way I am feeling is valid and not wrong.” — Ashley N. “You need to cry – I can tell. Can I please give you a hug? It’s ok to cry with me.” — Jill G. “I want you to know there isn’t a set time you need to be over grieving. It’s okay to keep grieving.” — Amelia B. “It’s ok to feel angry.” — @Sashahans Acknowledge that postmortem feelings can be… complicated. “I know you had a complicated relationship and there’s probably a lot of conflicting emotions you are experiencing right now.” — Monika S. “Whatever you’re feeling right now – whether sadness, anger, pain, relief, or anything else – is perfectly okay and understandable. If you need someone to talk to about it all, I’m here to listen.” — Beth W. Sometimes words aren’t needed after a loss, but acts of service are. “Do you need help with arrangements or any other tasks?” — Jae C. Silence can say a lot when someone is grieving. “ Silence. My wish in fact is that more people would learn how to sit quietly and not feel the need to just say anything.” — Heidi F.

Community Voices

Do you believe grief is a health condition that should be diagnosed by a mental health professional?

<p>Do you believe grief is a health condition that should be diagnosed by a <a href="https://themighty.com/topic/mental-health/?label=mental health" class="tm-embed-link  tm-autolink health-map" data-id="5b23ce5800553f33fe98c3a3" data-name="mental health" title="mental health" target="_blank">mental health</a> professional?</p>
22 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Torn between excited and scared

I went in for an MRI Friday morning. My therapist suggested it to look for traumatic brain injury. The nurse that was walking me out ask if I had a follow-up appointment with my doctor. I said yes, in May. She proceeded to tell me 3xs, if you don't hear from him Monday call him Tuesday. So obviously you understand why I am afraid. Mostly, afraid my children may have to take care of me and I REALLY don't want that. So here is where the excitement is. This could be my way out. Out of this painful and crazy world without causing my children to hate me for leaving.
I am hoping it is something that will take me out. I also don't have much hope for anything. In fact, if my life has been any indication of how it will go, I should be very afraid !!! #CPTSD #Depression #Anxiety #ChildhoodAbuse

5 people are talking about this
Community Voices

I don't know how

30 yrs ago my son passed away. Zackary was 33 days old when he passed in a moses basket. My husband and I had a daughter right after the 1st anniversary of Zachs death. 2 yrs later, twin daughters. Right after the twins 2nd birthday, my husband passed from cancer. I tried really hard to appear strong for them. I wanted them to feel that they still had a stable home. I had to shut down emotions as much as possible.
Now I am trying to find them again and figure out how to get my nervous system to be able to handle pretty much anything. In fact, this has been a really bad 2 weeks. I'm only 57 but Friday I ended up in the hospital with blood pressure of 221/200 after 5yrs sobriety, I had relapsed. I'm doing better.
Looks like a lot of changes are heading my way way both physically and emotionally. They all scare the hell out of me!!!! My emotions scare me.
I just moved to a new area and don't know many people. I have a therapist and now support from some AA women. It looks like this is the area I need support right now.
Thank you for letting me join.

7 people are talking about this