Elizabeth D

@ed99
Community Voices

Food was a pleasure, now it’s a chore

Just over six years ago I was diagnosed with dysphasia and what was suspected to be an Esophagogastric junction Outflow Obstruction. Sadly this progressed and worsened and I was eventually diagnosed and confirmed to have #Achalasia . Food, eating out, grilling out and picnics were a pleasure. Events that would brighten my day, week or month. But with the progression of the disease, the thought food and struggling to eat caused pain. All food was then ground up and put in the blender for swallowing. Dilations worked but were only temporary and that is when the #Depression really kicked in. This week I “celebrated” the 4 years anniversary of my heller myotomy. Over time th swallowing issues are back and now is the depression. I know it could be so much worse like others but things just hit me today and I needed to vent.

My apologies. Have a blessed and positive day

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TBH

I think I am a lost cause.
I don’t feel much hope for the future.
It seems as though my flawed humanity and sharp pieces hurt everyone around me, especially the people I love.
If there is a god or higher power, he, she, it made a mistake with me.
I feel like my existence only causes pain because I am not suppose to be.
I was brought into this world with the purpose of saving my parents marriage. I failed, they were divorced six months later.
I have already failed at my purpose.
Now what?

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Hi everyone, I'm relatively new to the group. I wish I was better at putting my thoughts together. I just feel like a failure in life. I'm going to be 32 on December 15th, and when I look at where I feel I should've been at this age, compared to my friends, I question if I should be alive. I try to shut these thoughts out, but nobody gets me. More than that, because I am not accomplished like my friends, and even my family, I don't belong anywhere. I don't think I'm lovable now, and I just want to sleep and never wake up, instead of living a failed life.

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