Frustration when Fibro & fatigue stop me from doing things
Chronic pain and fatigue are so frustrating.
Obvious, but true.
For me, being unable to do things and unable to be productive is extremely annoying and took me a lot of years to get my head around.
Going back to when I had to give up work a number of years back, I was pretty immobile because of a bad back injury, so I was grateful for the chance to rest and then slowly get moving around again at my own pace.
However, my feelings changed when I had to face up to being unable to go back to work because of my #ChronicIllness. I felt lost and without purpose.
Fast forward to today and I am now a little more accepting of the situation I’m in, but still struggle with looking around my house at the things that need doing, yet not being mobile or strong enough to actually do them.
I’m sure many of you will identify with the mistake I frequently made (and sometimes still make). I forget my physical limits and try to do the chores that I’m sitting around and thinking about. That goes one of two ways – I either injure myself and can’t finish my task, or i somehow manage it and the next day I experience the payback in a major way. Not fun.
Still I sometimes hear how lucky I am that I don’t have to do housework and while it’s always meant well and often kind of amusing, I always think to myself,
‘NOT “Don’t HAVE to”. Don’t GET to!’
Same with work. Not having a paying job can be soul destroying by itself, but it also comes with judgement from others, which can further affect our self esteem.
On top of all of that, fibromyalgia can be so unpredictable and inconsistent that what it lets us do from one day to the next can be hugely varied. Sometimes it’s more like one hour to another.
So, here’s how it is:
Pain = frustrating
Fatigue = frustrating
Tons of weird symptoms = frustrating
Can’t do stuff – frustrating
Can’t go to places = frustrating
Unable to work = frustrating
Judgement from others = frustrating
Knowing that it’s very unlikely any of it will change any time soon = yep, you guessed it…..frustrating.
So, what’s the point of dwelling on it or telling all of you about it if that doesn’t actually fix anything?
i don’t know. I think I was just feeling frustrated and wanted to do something productive, so I wrote. I hope it resonates with some of you and makes you feel less alone.