Gigi

@gigigrace
I have experienced a life altering accident and now have innumerable permanent injuries to include TBI, leading to trauma caused early dementia, permanent heart damage leading to chronic congested heart failure and aneurism , multiple cervical spine and lower lumbar fractures leading to spinal cord injuries and born with SLE so my body is attacking all its own broken parts instead of trying to help heal. This is my permanent new way of life and the accident happened at work and workmans comp has denied and delayed and lied and in general have caused me extreme emotional distress to top it all off. I am searching for a clear way to cope with my situation as I desperately want to enjoy life again even though at times it seems impossible. The anxiety, PTSD, cognitive and emotional issues compounded with physical pain and complications seem to overwhelm my days. Just when I have a day I physically feel human my emotional health will stab me in the back . I seriously don’t know where or how to turn and I desperately want to feel better to live to help others like I was able to in my past. Each day is a blessing and a curse. Searching for others so I can learn how they handle their life changes hopefully to learn how to handle my own. Bless the souls each and every one especially who are reaching out like myself. May we all find that little special place in our own emotions and physical health. I am here because I want to do better than I have these past couple of years.
Monika Sudakov

R. Kelly Sentencing: Being Abused Is Not an Excuse to Abuse Others

On June 29, R&B singer R. Kelly was sentenced to 30 years in prison for conviction on charges of federal racketeering and sex trafficking. Defense attorneys allegedly requested that District Court Judge Ann Donnelly consider Kelly’s own experiences with years of sexual abuse at the hands of a family member and landlord as a factor in his sentencing. According to CNN, Judge Donnely’s response was, “It may explain, at least in part, what led to your behavior… It most surely is not an excuse.” I wholeheartedly agree with her. Let me be clear, being abused as a child is not a free pass to abuse others. I cannot tell you how frequently I have heard this argument leveraged as some kind of explanation as to why someone may have acted abusively toward another human being. As a survivor of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect, my own family has attempted to deflect my anger about my abuse by pointing out how my abusers also suffered abuse as children. It’s invalidating and it only serves to perpetuate self-blame and shame. It’s also an insidious way of silencing survivors of abuse and forcing the narrative of forgiveness. Holding a perpetrator of abuse accountable for their actions is incredibly hard to do if you are simultaneously worrying about their trauma. Now I’m being saddled with the damage that has been done to me and that which has been perpetrated upon my abuser? That’s not OK. It doesn’t allow for healing to occur because I am being denied the opportunity to focus solely on myself and my feelings about what was done to me. There’s also a dangerous narrative being perpetuated that reinforces the victim to perpetrator pipeline. While some evidence suggests that those who have experienced abuse are at a higher risk of becoming an abuser, this is by no means a guarantee nor is it the only factor that goes into whether or not someone will go on to victimize others. In fact, according to an aggregate of studies on male perpetrators of sexual abuse, only 23% of perpetrators had experienced sexual abuse with similar physical contact in childhood. The vast majority of those who have been abused are not being abused by victims. To suggest a one-to-one correlation stigmatizes survivors which can negatively impact their ability to seek out the appropriate treatment and support. For the most part, survivors of abuse can and do go on to be non-offending members of society with or without seeking mental health services to combat the damage their own abuse may have caused them. The decision to act upon urges to violate another human being is a pathological one that indicates a lack of moral integrity and a complete disregard for the humanity of others. It isn’t solely a commentary on what happened to someone. A myriad of factors can and do contribute to becoming an offender, ranging from nature to nurture, and no two offenders share the exact same combination of influences. As I have noted before, two things can be true. One can be empathetic toward the suffering of someone else while simultaneously holding them accountable for their own actions. It’s up to each and every one of us to understand the ways in which our unique trauma histories are impacting others. If we are aware of ways in which we may be harming someone else, the onus is upon us to do the necessary work on healing from our own trauma so that we do not continue the cycle of dysfunction. If we don’t, and we go on to abuse or hurt someone else, we deserve to face the consequences of those actions. And in R. Kelly’s case, justice has indeed been served.

Community Voices

Why Do We Need Boundaries?

Part 1 of 2 What are boundaries and why is it important to have them?

Boundaries are limits in a #Relationships that your friends, partners (and relatives) need to observe. They can be simple or complicated. They can address different aspects of a #Relationships – social, emotional, or physical, for example. And there can be different levels of boundaries that you set.

In the kink community, boundaries are set before a consensual #Relationships starts. The different levels are “hard no,” “yes,” and “maybe.” It’s easy to understand what hard no and yes mean – that the person simply will not perform certain acts or gives voluntary consent to them. The maybe category is a bit trickier. These are acts that the person is willing to consider or try, but hasn’t definitely either agreed to or ruled out. That’s why partners have “safe words” or other signals that indicate when a maybe isn’t working for them and they need to slow down or stop.

Boundaries are useful in nonsexual #Relationships too, and again have categories like hard no, maybe, and yes. For example, in romantic #Relationships I have a hard no against physical #Abuse , and I communicate that to all my partners. If one of them hits, slaps, or otherwise gets physically violent with me, that’s the end of the #Relationships . No explanations, no excuses, no second chances. I’m out of there. I’ve made my husband aware of this boundary and he respects it. He’s never crossed that boundary.

Unfortunately, at the time I established that boundary about physical #Abuse , I didn’t know about the concepts of verbal #Abuse and emotional #Abuse . In one significant #Relationships , I put up with these for quite some time. Verbal #Abuse and emotional #Abuse are two of the tactics of gaslighting. I put up with those for far too long before I was able to say, “I’m out of here.”

Dan once described boundaries to me using the metaphor of cookies. Suppose someone offers you a cookie and says, “Here’s a delicious chocolate chip cookie I made just for you. Yum, yum. Try it.” Only when you do try it do you discover that the cookie isn’t a chocolate chip cookie at all. Instead, it’s a shit cookie – something you definitely don’t want to eat. You set up a boundary about shit cookies. Just because someone offers you a shit cookie, you don’t have to eat it. And you really don’t have to say, “Yum, yum. This is delicious!”

What kinds of shit cookies are you likely to encounter? They can be insults. You don’t have to believe them. They can be other kinds of distressing – talking about you behind your back, for instance. You don’t have to respond or explain. Or they can be actions such as the aforementioned gaslighting, sandbagging, or saying one thing and then undercutting it with actions. You don’t have to put up with those. Refuse to eat the shit cookies. They are all bad for your #MentalHealth .

There are less drastic boundaries that you may have to set as well. If you have a friend who always calls you and vents at length about their problems but never listens to your problems or your advice regarding their problems, you might set a boundary: “You can call me with problems, just not after 9:00 p.m.” or you could set an unspoken limit that you will only listen to the friend for half an hour at a time. After that, you end the conversation and get off the phone. Perhaps you establish a signal that you have reached your limit: “My eyes just glazed over.” Your friend may even pick up on the signal: “Your eyes just glazed over, didn’t they?”

Or you might have a partner that has unreasonable expectations. Such a limit might be that you will be involved in disciplining the children, but you won’t do it all yourself. It could even be a seemingly silly one. I refused to iron my husband’s shirts because I felt resentful when he treated me like a laundress. He came to understand what I meant. And we worked out a solution: wash-and-wear shirts. Those I would gladly purchase. Problem solved.

Sometimes, however, there are people in your life who go beyond simple boundary breaking. They refuse to acknowledge any boundaries that you may have. People who hurt another family member, for instance, or who expect you to solve all

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Community Voices

My unknown name or cause of my VERY RARE SKIN Disorder or illness?? No one knows much About the disease? So, I know very little?

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Community Voices

Do I Have Any Rights Here?

Last night, on my way back from spending the day out, I decided to go to the convenience store. As soon as I'm out of the car, these two jerks start laughing and acting like fools, commenting about how trashy my car is. I told them I have OCD and one of them asked me if I was a hoarder. I tried to explain I wasn't hoarding the trash, but they weren't listening. One of the guys started recording video of my car and even moved close so he could get a good look inside my car. I went into the store, because I couldn't stop them (no one said anything or did anything besides watch), but I was angry and wanted to cry. When I went back out, I didn't see them. I jumped in my car, and drove off as fast as I could. I was really upset. Everybody, look at the freak! Do I have any rights from this when in public?

#anxiety
#ocd
#obsessivecompulsivedisorder
#depression
#panicdisorder
#ptsd
#cptsd

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Community Voices

If you are drawn to do so would you send your prayers and blessings to my Mom. She is deeply struggling, weakening and mourns the loss of my dad!

<p>If you are drawn to do so would you send your prayers and blessings to my Mom. She is deeply struggling, weakening and mourns the loss of my dad!<br></p>
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Community Voices

Narcissism,. The Stealthy Destroyer

My dad was a narcisstic alcoholic who had to control every aspect of my daily existence as a child through fear and abuse, which would continue to affect me psychologically right into adulthood. I never realized just how many of these "type" of people are out there in the world today,. YOU are probably under someone's control that is close to you simply because they are very "subtle" and always make it appear that they are only trying to Help you, but they always have a hidden agenda which involves them making plans FOR YOU regardless of what you want or need to do. Before long you will find yourself doing all sorts of tasks and errands for this kind person,. Making it more and more impossible for you to say NO to without angering them. What happens when you give someone like this a job position where they can freely exercise Total dominance over an individual?? Like a police officer. I was a victim to this and it has destroyed my reputation and my TRUST in these people to the point that I fear them. Only ONCE in my life I was unfortunate to have a run- in with them and I was out- powered and outnumbered, even an attorney couldn't change the injustice done to me. Just look at what's happening in the news, this is REAL! It's not just me it happened to. They have given me a life sentence within invisible bars,. I lost everything. There is an ABUSE of POWER going on Nationwide! Do these individuals have narcissistic tendencies? Are they narcissists and like all of them, don't see a problem with their behavior? So I ask you,. What can I do in a situation like mine? Not even a therapist can take away the damage these power-hungry individuals can inflict on a person. It's been extremely difficult for me since that happened 4 years ago,. it's been so hard every day, living in fear of ever meeting up with the abuse of power again.

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Community Voices

In a life where you sleep all the time, fluffy comfy slippers are a MUST! Lol got these for a steal and they make me happy just looking at them!

<p>In a life where you sleep all the time, fluffy comfy slippers are a MUST! Lol got these for a steal and they make me happy just looking at them!</p>
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Community Voices

× " Sooo I Got Home Early From Work.... " × #Anxiety

× " I Walk Into The House Wierdly Silent And At Peace... And I Was Totally Being Ignored Which Is What I'm Used Too Alway's Being Ignored... Sooo My Sister Was Not Herself... Nor Her Husband... And My Nephew... Were All Acting Wierd... Until I Wanted To Go Outside.. Into The Back Yard... Just To Chill And My Nephew Stop's Me... And Finally Tell's Me That Thier Old Dog Finally Passed Away... This Morning... Now Mind You I Have No Feeling's Or Any Kind Of Sense's Of Reaction's With My Emotion's... I Only Have Cryed 5 Time's My Entire Life... Only When My Dad Died... Mother And Brother... And My Son And When My Marriage Ended... I Don't Know Why I Never Have Any Emotional Feeling's When Pet's Die... I'm Fucked Up I Guess Idk... " × ☆ S. K. ☆ #Anxiety

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Community Voices

× " Sooo I Got Home Early From Work.... " × #Anxiety

× " I Walk Into The House Wierdly Silent And At Peace... And I Was Totally Being Ignored Which Is What I'm Used Too Alway's Being Ignored... Sooo My Sister Was Not Herself... Nor Her Husband... And My Nephew... Were All Acting Wierd... Until I Wanted To Go Outside.. Into The Back Yard... Just To Chill And My Nephew Stop's Me... And Finally Tell's Me That Thier Old Dog Finally Passed Away... This Morning... Now Mind You I Have No Feeling's Or Any Kind Of Sense's Of Reaction's With My Emotion's... I Only Have Cryed 5 Time's My Entire Life... Only When My Dad Died... Mother And Brother... And My Son And When My Marriage Ended... I Don't Know Why I Never Have Any Emotional Feeling's When Pet's Die... I'm Fucked Up I Guess Idk... " × ☆ S. K. ☆ #Anxiety

8 people are talking about this
Community Voices

When the Doctors Don’t Believe You

So I have had this bad ear infection for over four weeks despite being put on numerous antibiotics and antifungals. I am a month and a half into this and I believe that I have an abscess or cyst in my ear that is causing the problems as I now have severe and unremitting jaw pain that is so bad I am unable to chew anything, yawn or even speak without severe pain. Not to mention I have lost the ability to hear out of that ear.
I have been seeing an ENT weekly for this infection and despite numerous antibiotic treatments it looks worse every time I go in. I am now draining bloody pus from my ear and finally I was able to convince the doctor to do a culture of the drainage. Hopefully this will give us the name of the culprit we are dealing with and how best to treat it. I have no idea why this has gone on this long with her refusing to do a culture.
Now she is finally taking me seriously and has scheduled a CT of the head to check for bone degeneration or abscesses though she “is sure that is not what’s going on and doesn’t believe the jaw pain is related to my ear infection”. I know my body, and this pain was not present until the addition of steroids to my treatment plan for this infection.
A STAT CT was ordered and yet when I called yesterday to see when it will be scheduled I was told that “the order still hasn’t been faxed to the hospital”. What?! Three days later and my order for a CT is still sitting at the ENTs office with a STAT sticker on it? Do these people not understand what STAT means? I am so beyond frustrated and I’m in so much pain that I can only hope something works out soon. Of course I was not given pain medicine since she’s “sure” my jaw pain is unrelated.

I am so tired of not being believed or helped by the people who I am paying to help me treat these issues. I am sorry for the rant but I am very frustrated right now with this ontop of my pending Hysterectomy surgery and my concerns about that.

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