Hermit

@hermit
Community Voices

I’m so sick of existing…

Hello, everyone. I hope you’re all doing as well as you can be. I really need to rant to people who may understand what I’m going through. On November 4tb my sister gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy named Oskar. I’ve never loved anything or anyone as much as I love my gremlin (my pet name for him).

Ever since my sister announced the pregnancy, I’ve been terrified that I’ll only ever be known as ‘The Sick Aunt.’ The aunt he will dread going to see because I can’t play with him constantly, I’d have to take several breaks.

And then there have been other things going on…

I’m so fed up with my body. I hate it. Constantly interfering with anything that makes me happy or feel good.

Wanna go to King’s Lynn so I can go shopping? Have a date and then go back to my girlfriend’s house? Nope. Not allowed.

You haven’t paid attention to your bladder today. We’re going to make you piss yourself, then start getting cramps…

Wanna go to the fair? SURE! Ah, oh no… I have to stop after one ride because I was going to faint.

Then, Oskar playing on the floor, he keeps looking at me and reaching out to me. I sit on the floor to play. 5minutes later? Nah. Can’t do that. My hips, back and knees betray me as I slowly have to get up and he’s left with no one to play with.. I’m just so fucking frustrated and so sick of being me.

I just.. I really don’t know what to do. I’m so physically AND mentally exhausted.. I can’t cope with this. I don’t want to exist.

#POTS #EDS #NAFLD #InterstitialCystitis #Diabetes #BPD #Depression #Migraines #ChronicPain #chronicillnesswarrior

20 people are talking about this
Community Voices

I’m so sick of existing…

Hello, everyone. I hope you’re all doing as well as you can be. I really need to rant to people who may understand what I’m going through. On November 4tb my sister gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy named Oskar. I’ve never loved anything or anyone as much as I love my gremlin (my pet name for him).

Ever since my sister announced the pregnancy, I’ve been terrified that I’ll only ever be known as ‘The Sick Aunt.’ The aunt he will dread going to see because I can’t play with him constantly, I’d have to take several breaks.

And then there have been other things going on…

I’m so fed up with my body. I hate it. Constantly interfering with anything that makes me happy or feel good.

Wanna go to King’s Lynn so I can go shopping? Have a date and then go back to my girlfriend’s house? Nope. Not allowed.

You haven’t paid attention to your bladder today. We’re going to make you piss yourself, then start getting cramps…

Wanna go to the fair? SURE! Ah, oh no… I have to stop after one ride because I was going to faint.

Then, Oskar playing on the floor, he keeps looking at me and reaching out to me. I sit on the floor to play. 5minutes later? Nah. Can’t do that. My hips, back and knees betray me as I slowly have to get up and he’s left with no one to play with.. I’m just so fucking frustrated and so sick of being me.

I just.. I really don’t know what to do. I’m so physically AND mentally exhausted.. I can’t cope with this. I don’t want to exist.

#POTS #EDS #NAFLD #InterstitialCystitis #Diabetes #BPD #Depression #Migraines #ChronicPain #chronicillnesswarrior

20 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Allium #Allergy

I am here to moan and not rub my eyes or scratch. A few years ago, I developed an allergy to onions and garlic. A neighbour has recently developed Alium Love and cant' stop cooking onions. The allergens seem to be getting into my flat through those vents old buildings have. It smells lovely until I can't breathe, rub my eyes raw and claw myself. I took an antihistamine as soon as the smell registered. Is there a place on the planet where my allergies will not be a problem? #FoodAllergies #neighbours

Kim Kardashian's Rapid Weight Loss for the Met Shouldn't Be Celebrated

Aw, the Met Gala. My favorite night of the year. I don’t care for many of the big nights in Hollywood, but the Met is everything a melodramatic libra with a penchant for art and design could want. The theatrics, textiles, drama, culture, and history – I haven’t missed the Met Gala in years. One of the Met’s participants who consistently delivers is Kim Kardashian. Love her or hate her, her Mugler dress from 2019’s event still lives rent free in my mind. Her takes on the themes are always smart and fashionable, and that’s why this year I was incredibly disappointed. It’s not in what she wore, but it’s what she had to do to wear it. ICYMI, Kim donned Marilyn Monroe’s i-con-ic “Happy Birthday Mr. President” dress originally made by Jean Louis for John F. Kennedy’s 1962 birthday fundraiser. It’s detailed with over 2,000 hand stitched crystals and it’s absolutely stunning. (Source: NBC News) View this post on Instagram A post shared by Kim Kardashian (@kimkardashian) Is the dress everything ? Of course, however what disturbs me is the extreme dieting, intentional rapid weight loss, and working out she claims to have done to fit into the dress in the three weeks leading up to the Gala. This behavior sets a scary example, and is exceedingly dangerous for people who don’t have trainers, nutritionists, and a whole health team on call to make sure you’re doing the not great thing in the “best” way. As someone with an eating disorder, this scares me for multiple reasons. I’ve seen people on Twitter heralding Kim for what she did, and that’s concerning, not inspiring. It’s simply bleak and I fear a part of the foreshadowing of the return of the Y2K extreme skinny diet culture , emphasized by Kim also vocalizing how unhappy she became with having a curvier body (yes, the same curvy body she intentionally bought that catapulted her to fame). Not to mention she did all that dieting just to take a photo in Marilyn’s dress before stepping into a replica of it. Not that it matters, but she didn’t even wear the dress all night. (Source: People) Growing up in the early 2000’s means I grew up directly in overly accessible diet culture. My first experience with body dysmorphia was when I was ten years old looking in the mirror . I knew every diet rule you could think of and actively participated at a young age, obviously not knowing I was on a very dangerous path. I’m genuinely afraid for people, regardless of age, to see this and follow suit or think it’s OK. It’s not. Point blank. Please, I beg of you. Don’t celebrate Kim’s recent diet and weight loss. Sure, she may be happy with it and it’s her body, but it sets a very negative (not to mention super triggering) example for all the people watching and listening. Pete looked great though. He gave “I’m just happy to be here” vibes. Love that for him.

Kim Kardashian's Rapid Weight Loss for the Met Shouldn't Be Celebrated

Aw, the Met Gala. My favorite night of the year. I don’t care for many of the big nights in Hollywood, but the Met is everything a melodramatic libra with a penchant for art and design could want. The theatrics, textiles, drama, culture, and history – I haven’t missed the Met Gala in years. One of the Met’s participants who consistently delivers is Kim Kardashian. Love her or hate her, her Mugler dress from 2019’s event still lives rent free in my mind. Her takes on the themes are always smart and fashionable, and that’s why this year I was incredibly disappointed. It’s not in what she wore, but it’s what she had to do to wear it. ICYMI, Kim donned Marilyn Monroe’s i-con-ic “Happy Birthday Mr. President” dress originally made by Jean Louis for John F. Kennedy’s 1962 birthday fundraiser. It’s detailed with over 2,000 hand stitched crystals and it’s absolutely stunning. (Source: NBC News) View this post on Instagram A post shared by Kim Kardashian (@kimkardashian) Is the dress everything ? Of course, however what disturbs me is the extreme dieting, intentional rapid weight loss, and working out she claims to have done to fit into the dress in the three weeks leading up to the Gala. This behavior sets a scary example, and is exceedingly dangerous for people who don’t have trainers, nutritionists, and a whole health team on call to make sure you’re doing the not great thing in the “best” way. As someone with an eating disorder, this scares me for multiple reasons. I’ve seen people on Twitter heralding Kim for what she did, and that’s concerning, not inspiring. It’s simply bleak and I fear a part of the foreshadowing of the return of the Y2K extreme skinny diet culture , emphasized by Kim also vocalizing how unhappy she became with having a curvier body (yes, the same curvy body she intentionally bought that catapulted her to fame). Not to mention she did all that dieting just to take a photo in Marilyn’s dress before stepping into a replica of it. Not that it matters, but she didn’t even wear the dress all night. (Source: People) Growing up in the early 2000’s means I grew up directly in overly accessible diet culture. My first experience with body dysmorphia was when I was ten years old looking in the mirror . I knew every diet rule you could think of and actively participated at a young age, obviously not knowing I was on a very dangerous path. I’m genuinely afraid for people, regardless of age, to see this and follow suit or think it’s OK. It’s not. Point blank. Please, I beg of you. Don’t celebrate Kim’s recent diet and weight loss. Sure, she may be happy with it and it’s her body, but it sets a very negative (not to mention super triggering) example for all the people watching and listening. Pete looked great though. He gave “I’m just happy to be here” vibes. Love that for him.

Community Voices

Mental health & Motherhood

I’m struggling
I know I’m a good mom
I try my best
Give unconditional love
However
Tonight I’m so touched out
I’m mentally exhausted
I’m screaming inside
I’m telling myself life is good
On paper everything is great
I should be happy and fulfilled
I’m not
I miss myself
Miss having time for myself
I’ve neglected myself
I sound selfish
Stuck between wanting to be firm and giving into my family needs
What about my needs
I just want a break
A day where I don’t have to think about the needs of others
Just my needs for a full day
I’m trying to be my best
I keep thinking about when I was young child I wished for this life
Oh I didn’t understand what I was wishing for
I want to disappear
However I’m l concerned about my child
I can’t leave my child
I’m exhausted, resentful,& numb
I miss the old me
I need help
Just don’t know how
Motherhood and mental health not a good mix

7 people are talking about this
Community Voices

What I try to use to distract me

<p>What I try to use to distract me</p>
5 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Parenting and Mental Illness

I always carry this fear that I'm not 100% equipped to be a parent because of my BPD and PTSD. I actually got my son a therapist so he's not affected by any of my mental health when it's not 100% there. But I worry that I don't show him enough love.. or that I'm not affectionate enough with him. Am I too this and too little of that or Vice versa 😒

10 people are talking about this
Community Voices

I don't know who I am. Nobody else can tell me so if I don't know then what am I supposed to do Who am I?  Why am I here?  What is my purpose?  What is the point of me, of waking up, of sleeping?

2 people are talking about this