Ila129

@ila129
Community Voices

These past months have been so hard, I feel like giving up on everything and I keep having suicidal thoughts. It scares me so much. It's also hard to eat (I used to have anorexia nervosa).
I haven't been able to see my therapist because I'm scared I'm just going to blow up. I have a school exam next month and I can't afford breaking down more than this.
I feel the desperate need for someone to take care of me, but my most, huge desire is to be more independent and more like my own person, functional enough to act on my life. I'm scared of being the one that is supposed to get help. But I don't know how to be a real person. #Therapy #Depression #SuicidalThoughts #AnorexiaNervosa

Community Voices

I'm staying over at my friend's place for the week because he's away for work and he needs some stuff to be looked after. Being here, away from my bed, my cats and my safe environment, makes me feel even more useless. He has a job, just like 90% of my friends, he's capable of acting on life.
I'm not. I'm constantly overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts and focusing on the present is so hard. These thoughts drag me down and it's like living with a loud awful music in my head that makes it hard to hear real present life.
I'm tired of being like this. I'm scared of being like this. I don't know how to be more independent and functional. #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SuicidalThoughts

2 people are talking about this
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I feel guilty for having #SuicidalThoughts

I could never do it, unless it gets really really really bad. But I would never hurt my family that way.
Still, I feel so guilty about feeling like this...

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

How do you keep up with steady assignments, like a job or school?

I recently realized I have bpd, and I've always considered procrastinating a symptom of depression and anxiety. Now, I think it has more to do with the mood swings and how a tiny little thing can trigger me. How am I supposed to keep up every day when I get an existential crisis randomly, or when I get so angry/sad I don't know what to do with myself?

6 people are talking about this
Community Voices

How do you keep up with steady assignments, like a job or school?

I recently realized I have bpd, and I've always considered procrastinating a symptom of depression and anxiety. Now, I think it has more to do with the mood swings and how a tiny little thing can trigger me. How am I supposed to keep up every day when I get an existential crisis randomly, or when I get so angry/sad I don't know what to do with myself?

6 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Are bpd people worthy of love?

Sometimes I don't think I am. I fear I'll end up ruining the relationship with my issues, and that it will happen without realizing. That's what happened with my ex girlfriend. I'm so scared it's going to happen again, even with my closest friends. I feel like I need to keep my distance to not poison everything. And I don't know if I'll actually be able to handle a romantic relationship.

4 people are talking about this
Community Voices