Jessica Toussaint

@jessicatoussaint1
Community Voices

Well that's it. I am on the path to self sabotage

I've stayed home for the past 3 days

I lashed out at my therapist today and was real nasty. She even got frustrated herself. But I caused that

My friend got frustrated as they're trying to help me, but I just refuse to let them in

Trauma processing lead me down a bad path of realizations that I refuse to "heal"

I'm done with this fucking painful ass journey

And so with that I have failed

I have officially became an abuser

My hope is that this path of self sabotage, damage, and pain will lead me to taking my life

I'd rather be dead than to face this stupid journey

#Suicide #Abuse #control #friend

3 people are talking about this
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"The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth"

People will feel my wrath

From family who abused me to all the sexual abuse I suffered from "friends" and people in my life and people who betrayed and abused me, all the abuse I faced from childhood nonstop till a young adult, this world can go fuck itself

Fuck my therapist who had an attitude with me

Fuck my "friend" who decided to leave me

And fuck some random guy who got an attitude with me

People will taste my wrath

#anger #Pain #Abuse

Community Voices

Well that's it. I am on the path to self sabotage

I've stayed home for the past 3 days

I lashed out at my therapist today and was real nasty. She even got frustrated herself. But I caused that

My friend got frustrated as they're trying to help me, but I just refuse to let them in

Trauma processing lead me down a bad path of realizations that I refuse to "heal"

I'm done with this fucking painful ass journey

And so with that I have failed

I have officially became an abuser

My hope is that this path of self sabotage, damage, and pain will lead me to taking my life

I'd rather be dead than to face this stupid journey

#Suicide #Abuse #control #friend

3 people are talking about this
Community Voices

I have to be ready to face trauma even if it makes me suicidal

I refuse to slow and "easy" on myself

This is something I want to get out the way and deal with now

However whenever I try to I get severe panic attacks.

I must unlock my trauma immediately

3 people are talking about this
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I'm done. Officially

I'm not doing this "hard work"

I am not going to live only to keep suffering

I am officially done

I think when we die 4 things can happen

We either go to heaven, hell, reincarnate, or there is nothingness

Ideally I'd hope to be reincarnated into a normal loving family so I don't carry around and have to heal stupid baggage

The journey is too hard and too painful and I refuse to do it

2 people are talking about this
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These days I'd rather end my life than actually face the extreme pain of trauma processing

What I see before me now in the trauma I have looked into that I experienced in childhood is something genuinely do not want to deal with

But I know I have to

And because its inevitable and I see it as too hard for me to genuinely handle on top of everything else, I've been seeing giving up as a viable option

I don't want to do this work

I don't want to go down this path

I'd rather not bother trying to heal something that will knock the wind out of me and leave me in a state of emotional distress

This is my limit and I cannot face anything else

#Trauma #giveup #Suicide #Childhood #Abuse

8 people are talking about this
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With the severe trauma and abuse I have, I feel I can realistically only live few "decent" years

The reality, with the severity of the trauma I experienced, is a life that will mostly be of pain, suicidality, and immense struggle

I will have more bad days and bad moments than days where I will feel in control

If I live a long life, it will be a mostly miserable one

It's better to live a short life that is with happy moments than a long miserable one

If I was ever diagnosed with an incurable disease, it would honestly be for the best

People with my kind of trauma can't live healthy fulfilling lives...

#Suicide #Trauma #Abuse #mentalillnes #Childhood

3 people are talking about this
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So freaking frustrated

I'm so angry with folks who push 800# crisis lines on those who struggle with mental illness-I get it that they can't handle our mental illness-they don't comprehend it. But when they say things like "permanent fix for a temp problem" or similar when someone commits suicide, that's BS. Mental illness is a LIFELONG thing to be managed, with ups and downs that can be severe.

While external things can be the "straw that breaks the camel's back" the mental illness is NOT a temporary problem, and it ticks me off that people only attribute suicide to external factors... this is terribly SHALLOW.

And let's talk about quality of life. The person who spends 30 years in a bottle due to mental illness does NOT have quality of life- they're not managing their illness AND they are killing themselves SLOWLY. And everyone is ok with this... because- slow, passive suicide is better than sudden, violent suicide. All this while society shuns us, among other things...

#Depression #Anxiety #MentalIllness #Suicide #socialnorms

12 people are talking about this