I will use my struggles for a reason. The Illusionary World
A Decade of dealing Schizophrenia
Hi I have been dealing with schizophrenia for 11 years, do some people actually suffer more years than mine? I know this illness is incurable but my voices (auditory hallucinations) kept on telling me I am too far to struggle schizophrenia and that maybe I am to shameful not to be totally recovered. My voices is heavy and powerful at the same time. I am also high functioning mentally-ill person. Despite my mental illness I still look okay and happy from every person around me.
Before I was mentally-ill, my mornings and its sunlight was exciting to look. Everything feels so real, so lively and so fresh. But now, after 11 years of suffering, it feels like something is missing. Everything feels so colorless and so empty. It feels like there is an invisible force field covering my eyes.
Everything is meaningless. I feel empty. I enjoy music today but still there is still something missing. Everyday in my life there is always something missing. It's like I am trapped in another world. My body is in the real world but my consciousness is in the fake world, the world my mentally-ill brain created. 😓
A decade of suffering
I’ve been dealing with my voices daily, my delusions are not paranoid but something else, maybe I can’t describe my delusions because what if I am having delusions now, it’s just very confusing.
Right now feels like the world is dead. The brand new morning is meaningless.
When I will be attacked by my voices, I roll back and fort on the floor, because of intense confusion and heavy voices. I curse God many insulting and bad words in the altar, but i’ts not really a full-blown psycosis. I take medicines, but some of my symptoms are still there.
I am a high-functioning schizophrenic.
My family knows I have schizophrenia, but they can’t comprehend the real suffering I’ve been through.
My Digital Art journey has been affected by this Stupid Illness! It messes my perception of what I draw. Voices say your artworks are disgusting, wrong or say erase it all, you have to start again.
“A split-second negative thought would last an eternity”
I would ask you, Do you still have disabling symtoms even on Megications?
Because I don’t want to be alone.
I would like to ask, do you still hear voices and have delusions or any symptoms even on medications?