I once read somewhere that being depressed is like living in a constant fog. At times the fog is overwhelming and seems endless. Then there are times when it lightened and is more manageable.
I believe that everyone's mental health journey is their own. Although I respect the author's experience, mine is different. I feel like the world around me is covered in a fog; My loved ones, friends, co-workers, etc. I stand alone in a clearing. Only I can see this fog that surrounds me, covering everyone and everything I see.
Most of my family and friends tell me things like, "You are the strongest person I know, So many people love you, You light every room", and the list goes on and on. They also remind me of how much I have overcome and survived. If I can make it through those circumstances, I can do anything.
There are days when I wake up and feel like the powerful badass survive that they all believe me to be. Although, the majority of the time, I am standing alone in the clearing. I am unable to recognize how they seem to see me. Even if some parts of my brain register those thoughts, the crippling pain I am experiencing consumes the positivity. Where I am standing, I am overwhelmed by every trauma, pain, and experience that I have lived.
My fight is daily. I am constantly struggling to survive. I wake up, go to work, paint a smile, and put on a performance. I perform so that you like me. I make you laugh so that you don't see the pain that lies just beneath the surface. It is how I survive. At the same time, those performances exhaust me. That is why, at times, I completely shut myself off from the world. During this shutdown, I am regaining my strength. Then I repeat the cycle all over again.
Unfortunately, I have learned that when you let people see the cracks, they run away. It is not always because they don't care. They believe if they don't know how to help, then if they leave, you will feel better. The truth is, that is one of the worst feelings in the world. When the people you care about, see your pain, then walk out of your life.
The strength that it takes to show people your truest self is unmatched. The only thing most of struggling needs from our loved ones is for you to be present. We need you to be able to listen to us, give us a shoulder to cry on, and honestly simply love us. You do not need to have profound wisdom or give us all the answers to life. We just want to know that we are not alone. Is that all anyone wants in this life? #Depression #Life #Survivor