Tw: suicide, self harm
So I’m back to thinking I’m bipolar type 1. When I had my real bad manic episode I disassociated I don’t remember a lot of it it’s like foggy and I only remember bits and pieces. I read that this is something that only happens with bipolar 1 not type 2.
During this time I used to think I could hear angels and that they would send secret messages to me through the sound of the ceiling fan, static noise, or binaural beats. I would hear them say things about people. i used to sometimes think I was god.
The most disturbing thing is, I didn’t even remember hallucinating hearing angels in the fan until my little brother told me about it the other day. He told me that I asked him if he could hear them too.
I was smoking a lot of sketchy weed during this time and I would “trip” or hallucinate every time. I would see and hear things while I was high. Like people or people talking. Or I would believe people were watching me or after me.
I also “attempted” to kill myself during a manic episode but my mother stopped me. I have a hard time admitting that. I would also self harm.
My manic episodes would last for easily weeks at a time. Often months. That’s not bipolar 2 criteria.
I’m very sensitive to my meds. If I go off schedule or don’t take them or don’t sleep enough I can get really manic really easily.
I just don’t see how my really bad manic episode could be classified as “hypo mania”. I dont know. I’d be interested to hear anyone else’s opinion. Maybe I’m just crazy or i dont know. #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #Mania
