The irony of depression
I’ve been suffering from #Depression most of my life, on and off and I can’t help noticing, there’s this funny thing about it. Well, maybe funny’s not exactly the right word, it’s more like just plain weird.
When depression strikes, it strikes hard. It lies to you, it tells you untrue things about yourself, it makes you feel like the world is crashing down on your shoulders, up until wanting to put an end to your life.
It feels like it will never end, that you will be like this your entire life, and things will never get better.
But that’s only one side of the scale.
The other side can make you feel really really good. Amazing actually. I’m not entirely sure if it’s the depression making you feel amazing, or it’s just subsiding enough for you to feel good. But anyway, there’s this good feeling there. This amazing, wonderful, empowering feeling. You feel like you can conquer the world and nothing will stand in your way of making your dreams come true!
But mostly, you just don’t understand how you could have felt so terrible once. How could you have ever felt so bad that you wanted to end your life? You feel like you will never feel so terrible ever again.
And then one day, the just sneaks up on you. You don’t understand how yesterday you felt so wonderful. You suddenly can’t seem to enjoy the things that yesterday you enjoyed so much. And you feel like you will never feel good again.
These feelings rock back and forth. Sometimes one feeling can last months or even years, whereas other times it will last only a few days or even just an hour or two. You can never know when the will suddenly strike or loosen up.
It’s just interesting how when you feel so good you can’t understand how you ever felt so bad, yet when you’re feeling so bad you can’t understand how the hell you ever felt so amazing.