KyLiera

Just something I thought earlier today and wanted to share here.

Becoming a PT working new mom from being a single FT working mom for 9 years is a really big difference. Less stress and less hours of work but with a 9 month old baby girl now. When COVID hit in 2020 I met my bf on a dating app who now is my husband. I wasn’t expecting anything serious usually because I end up meeting the wrong men but this time was different. I decided to accept the date and from our first day I never left his house. I told him about my depression even though it might push him away but he decided to stay with me and learn from it in order to help me. We got engaged soon after and married. Planned our first child together until the pregnancy was not as easy as I thought it would be. It became high risk and my job was demanding me to work in the same fast speed but I couldn’t. I got on disability until the baby was born and went on maternity leave soon after. I was so depressed throughout my whole pregnancy and scared of what might happen to her more than myself. She finally came at 28 weeks and in the nicu for 2 months. I decided to start working part time and just watch after her when I got off work.

It was so hard at first and some days I just felt down and depressed that I used to just ignore everyone even started not to answer my husbands phone calls and always argued about every little thing. I was having really bad headaches and whenever my daughter cried it will get worse. I went back to therapy and my pills but after 2 months I started to gain weight so my Doctor wanted me to stop it for a bit and just continue with therapy. Honestly it quit everything and I started to workout because I got very tired easily and I felt it was my weights fault.

I started to feel more energetic and then work on my Mental health looking for ways to help myself without these medications and therapy. Mostly my whole day is focused on my daughter and when she’s asleep I write on a journal or think of topics for a blog. I clean, I cook, I sing and play with her, I give her a bath and do her hair, do laundry and sometimes look at TV shows when I have alone time. I try to workout but she takes 5–15 minute naps during the day so it’s impossible to do that.

It’s so hard at 35 years old to become a mom again because it’s not the same as when at my 20s. I’m more tired, exhausted, mentally drained, too many headaches, overeating with the stress and not having time to take a shower. Becoming a mother once more is very hard on some but very loving because it will take your mind of your thoughts and focused on someone else’s. So now I’m ending thi story because I can keep going for hours.

Good luck to all the new mommies duringthis COVID times. And those suffering with depression, I just want to say to you that “you got this and never give up.” Someone is always watching you and there’s people willing to help. If you need support just reach out. #MentalHealth #Pregnancy #Depression

My husband committed suicide in April. I don’t want to live without him
I don’t know how. I hate this. But I put a smile on my face when I walk out the door so no one knows , I am not ok

Insomniac random thinking at its finest: tonight I realized, to my distress, that my smile muscles have actually atrophied. It’s physically painful for me to make my mouth into a full smile! When I think or feel like I’m smiling, it’s more of a straight-lined grimace. This revelation makes me want to cry! I’ve been depressed for so long that I’ve lost my smile almost entirely. It’s kind of heartbreaking for me, because my mom is the most smiley person I’ve ever known, and I’ve always wished I z could be like her.

So, now, I’m “working out” my smile muscles to build them back up. I’m going to fake it until I make it! My kids deserve a mom who smiles more!

#Depression
#Fibromyalgia
#Anxiety
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#Insomnia

Does anyone else feel skipped heart beats when anxious.? I’ve had recent marital issues and while anxiety is always a part of my life, the physical symptoms have crept back in. My anxiety always presents with elevated heart rate and not being able to breathe. I was on a walk a few weeks ago and thinking about all the issues I’m going thru with my husband. I could feel my heart rate increasing and not just from walking. As a nurse, I started taking my pulse, one of my “safety behaviors” and not only can I feel the skipped or extra beats in my chest I could actually feel it while taking my pulse, which sent me into full blown panic attack. Ended up in urgent care with heart rate of 150 but otherwise normal rhythm. The abnormal beats not picked up on that one minute strip. Again the other day, I was about to walk my son down the isle, a much anticipated day in my life. Kept telling myself my heart was racing in excitement, not fear, then I felt the skipped beats as the curtain opened and I felt so disappointed that anxiety was accompanying me down the isle with my son. I didn’t let it show and felt better once I got to my seat and focus on the ceremony and not my heart. I hate being like this. I feel so alone. My first panic attack was when he was 6weeks old - 30 years later here wer still are together and I hate it. I’ve had echocardiograms, stress tests, holter monitoring all normal, but it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t even go to doctor without my heat rate soaring to 150. Please someone tell me I’m not alone, someone else feels these “flip flops” in the chest. Seeing cardiologist again tomorrow- maybe I need beta blocker when I know going into stressful situations , but walking outside shouldn’t be stressful 🙁
Scared, disappointed and feeling alone…

No judgement please!!! I've had enough of that 😂

I'm not gonna put my actual age on her cause I keep getting weird men trying to get with me on here but I feel like I don't act my age. And I'm not the only who thought that... I've had friends tell me I act very immature and I should be acting much more mature because of how old I am. I think they meant well... I'm not sure though. Truth is I have BPD. I was diagnosed with it fairly recently and up til then I had no idea that BPD existed. I'm addition to that I have diagnosed severe ADHD. I am very very impulsive and loud and strange to other people when I'm not masking it and pretending to be "normal." My question is though why would I be perceived as immature for my age? Could it be my BPD, or ADHD, or both? Is this just normal? I'm lost... It's so hard making friends and getting to know new people. It's almost like I have a younger mentality and people just get weirded out by that. Or worse start treating me like a literal child. Please someone offer some advice or reassurance or just let me know I'm not alone. Thank you ♥️
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ADHD