Lauren Holland

Community Voices

Reconciling being disabled and seeking medical care with being suicidal and not thinking I deserve treatment.

I find that my biggest identity crisis comes from me having a low baseline mood/general mental state and being chronically suicidal and feeling as though I'm betraying that by seeking necessary medical care for my illnesses. It makes me think that maybe, just maybe, I could be faking my problems for attention, despite my diagnoses. It's an uncomfortable balance I've been living in. Not balance at all. I'm having a spinal fusion that is 100% necessary for my well-being and return to work, but in my heart of hearts I feel that I'm just performing dramatic, attention seeking behaviors.

#SuicidalThoughts #ChronicIllness #Vacterl