Another Set Back - Now Fighting Vulnerability
Here I go again with another setback and need to find my inner strength to find acceptance and feeling vulnerable agsin. It is just heartbreaking to live with chronic pain caused by two incurable conditions, be currently at a good spot, and then “pow”, an accident happens and backward you have been pushed again.It started with the joy of a short visit from two grandsons and their parents from NYC, whom we rarely get to see here in RI. The day was sunny and we were all happy to be together so we chose to take a walk down our rustic dirt road to introduce them to our new neighbor that takes on rescue pets. But what we didn’t know was a new rescue dog had been added to the crew the week before. Seven people were standing there and the new sweet, heavy energetic dog chose to ram into my leg in a greeting. Living with #EhlersDanlosSyndrome , an event like that creates a domino effect on the body. The ribs even subluxed so I felt like he had crashed into my chest. The hips, tibias, and fibulas, went on a journey of their own to the wrong positions and there it was………..a jolt to my body meaning a jolt to my lifestyle again.Simple hugs, jolts in the car, nudges by mistake, and of course being rammed into ae examples that create havoc in an #EhlersDanlosSyndrome body. And the extra fun part is the damage takes extra time to calm down. We get to look forward to about a month of extra inflammation, which means each PT visit finds the bones still subluxing. So, the long walks I had recently reintroduced back into my life are back on hold, along with bending and walking on uneven ground. These activities won’t help the healing process, so my love of gardening and walks are again not possible for now. So, I now search deep down to figure out how to handle this feeling of being so vulnerable, missing the activities I love, and accepting these backward changes. Welcome to an #EhlersDanlosSyndrome life. One simple wrong event is a long correction for our body. This process gets old to cope with but what else can we do? I am miserable and feeling emotional today but look forward to a brighter outlook tomorrow. I know I can’t wallow in this but have to also allow myself to grieve those losses again and then pick up the pieces and step forward. I know what is needed to do – remember and celebrate the good I do have in life, even if life is not as it used to be. Today is not that easy but I also know I don’t want to wallow in this either for it turns those that care about me away. Courage, determination, and creativity to take this life on are respected whereas whining, complaining, and being miserable are hard for others to have to be around.So, today I grieve and tomorrow I go back and live with what I can do, despite the losses again. I have had to do this so many times, but each jolt is still hard to initially take on. You would think after 27 surgeries and numerous setbacks I would be a pro. Not today, tomorrow!
May life be kind to you
Ellen Lenox Smith