I’m in hospital EMU (epilepsy monitoring unit) and this is my 6th night. I got told tonight to prepare for discharge tomorrow. It’s not guaranteed but that it’s likely. I’m struggling. I have so much going on ME, Endometriosis, Fibromyalgia, Pelvic Dysfunction, IBS and now tomorrow I’m going to get another to add to the list. Either epilepsy or non epileptic seizure disorder. Before coming here I thought if I got epilepsy diagnosis I’d be happy. It’s a truly diagnosed clear illness with medication to control it. Good news and different from so many of my diagnosis over the last 4 years. Now having been in a ward with people who have been living with epilepsy for years I realize it’s not that straight forward at all. It’s a hard road and very trial and error. But however horrible it may sound the alternative just sounds awful too. Another diagnosis with no clear cause and no clear method of stopping me from having seizures. Another diagnosis that steps me away from getting back to the life I should be living at 32.
I apologize for what probably comes across as a real winge and feel awful for those living with epilepsy that I might have been thinking to wish the diagnosis upon myself seems so awful.
I just need to try and clear my head to allow myself to sleep and so thought I’d put it out to the ether.