Gigi

@livinlavidaspoonie
ME: Latina • cat mom • cake designer & baker • crafter • abuse survivor | MEDICAL: hepatobiliary cancer s4 • cardiomyopathy • systolic heart failure • PTSD • major depressive disorder • OCD • fibromyalgia • eosinophilic asthma • T2 diabetes • psoriasis • psoriatic arthritis • Sjögren’s syndrome • chronic sinusitis • bursitis • TMJD • food allergies • med allergies • environmental allergies • laryngopharyngeal reflux • diabetic retinopathy • neuropathy
Community Voices

It’s been a while. Traumatic divorce brought me back.

TW: divorce, emotional abuse, rape

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here, I’ve missed the community. I had gotten pretty sick with chemo and just lost hope.

Then my estranged husband got in touch and despite my terminal diagnosis he assured me I would beat cancer just like he did while we were separated. We reconciled around Thanksgiving and it felt like everything had been to bring us to that moment. We remained living separately but were planning on moving in together again. I felt loved, I felt like I had a reason to live and a reason to fight. It felt great to have him to talk to, or be around, or go out with and to be around my in-laws and his big family again. Because of him I sought a 3rd opinion, switched oncologist, changed my diet, started a new biologic treatment instead of chemo and had more energy. I restarted my cake business with the support of my husband and I felt like his love was saving my life.

Fast forward to Wednesday when I went to his attorney’s office and signed our divorce papers. He surprised me with a divorce this week when just last week we were fine. Won’t give me a reason says he can love me and want a divorce and he is now completely ghosting me from literally the moment I signed. In speaking with the one person in his family that was speaking to me, I just wasn’t dying fast enough. He thought he took out life insurance behind my back (legal in my state) and thought he’d get a quick payout. Except all the good advice he was giving me to help me beat this (eat whatever you want, ignore the doctor’s diet, be more active, get a new doctor) was actually supposed to be bad advice disguised as helpful advice to try to speed up the process… except his advice actually did help me live longer and get better. I went from having a 4 month prognosis to a year to year and a half. So exactly at the 4 month mark he’s divorcing me. According to his attorney, he’s in a rush to get remarried to someone else. Our divorce hearing is on the 11th, the one year anniversary of my cancer and heart failure diagnosis.

Between things his attorney said, things his family member said and things I experienced and witnessed but didn’t want to acknowledge and things he had done or said himself… everything adds up to the fact that throughout our marriage while he was rejecting me sexually (we’d been married 6 years, separated for 3 1/2, had never consummated our marriage and he used his weight as an excuse) he’d actually drugged and raped me, possibly quite a few times and there are pics. And I’m allegedly not the only one it has happened or been happening to. Turns out there’s all kinds of SA, incest and pedophilia in his family. Also he’s allegedly been on crack cocaine for years (yet still morbidly obese which honestly is why I never suspected it despite his personality “quirks”).

Oh and he faked his cancer.

I’m devastated. Moved 1,000 miles to marry him. My emotions are everywhere & I don’t know what to believe or feel. #Abuse

3 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Online therapy experience or recommendations?

I have a local therapist however I literally have maybe one zoom visit with her every other month if that because she “books up quick”. I like her but I need help and like the latest major trauma that I’m dealing with (surprise divorce, SA that I was unaware of caused by him drugging me, being terminal… see my earlier post if you’re interested in that story) her advice to me for coping the other day was “Be safe and don’t take anymore drinks from him. I can fit you in, in a month and a half.” Mind you I’m having constant panic attacks, SI, physically ill from the anxiety and no medication because in August the hospital took me off my meds because of my heart and my therapist never put the referral in for me to the the psychologist to get new meds. I wasn’t given the opportunity to ask again because we ran out of time and my primary care doesn’t prescribe those. I was wondering about using an online service? I have Medicaid for insurance. Do online services take that? I want therapy and at least a prescription for something to help when the anxiety hits. I have PTSD, OCD and Major Depression and all of it is super triggered right now and I’m really struggling to not reach out to my estranged husband (abuser) and struggling to not lose my mind. Any suggestions of services anyone has used or uses? #Therapy #Anxiety #PTSD #MajorDepression #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #OnlineTherapy #GettingHelp

13 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Online therapy experience or recommendations?

I have a local therapist however I literally have maybe one zoom visit with her every other month if that because she “books up quick”. I like her but I need help and like the latest major trauma that I’m dealing with (surprise divorce, SA that I was unaware of caused by him drugging me, being terminal… see my earlier post if you’re interested in that story) her advice to me for coping the other day was “Be safe and don’t take anymore drinks from him. I can fit you in, in a month and a half.” Mind you I’m having constant panic attacks, SI, physically ill from the anxiety and no medication because in August the hospital took me off my meds because of my heart and my therapist never put the referral in for me to the the psychologist to get new meds. I wasn’t given the opportunity to ask again because we ran out of time and my primary care doesn’t prescribe those. I was wondering about using an online service? I have Medicaid for insurance. Do online services take that? I want therapy and at least a prescription for something to help when the anxiety hits. I have PTSD, OCD and Major Depression and all of it is super triggered right now and I’m really struggling to not reach out to my estranged husband (abuser) and struggling to not lose my mind. Any suggestions of services anyone has used or uses? #Therapy #Anxiety #PTSD #MajorDepression #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #OnlineTherapy #GettingHelp

13 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Online therapy experience or recommendations?

I have a local therapist however I literally have maybe one zoom visit with her every other month if that because she “books up quick”. I like her but I need help and like the latest major trauma that I’m dealing with (surprise divorce, SA that I was unaware of caused by him drugging me, being terminal… see my earlier post if you’re interested in that story) her advice to me for coping the other day was “Be safe and don’t take anymore drinks from him. I can fit you in, in a month and a half.” Mind you I’m having constant panic attacks, SI, physically ill from the anxiety and no medication because in August the hospital took me off my meds because of my heart and my therapist never put the referral in for me to the the psychologist to get new meds. I wasn’t given the opportunity to ask again because we ran out of time and my primary care doesn’t prescribe those. I was wondering about using an online service? I have Medicaid for insurance. Do online services take that? I want therapy and at least a prescription for something to help when the anxiety hits. I have PTSD, OCD and Major Depression and all of it is super triggered right now and I’m really struggling to not reach out to my estranged husband (abuser) and struggling to not lose my mind. Any suggestions of services anyone has used or uses? #Therapy #Anxiety #PTSD #MajorDepression #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #OnlineTherapy #GettingHelp

13 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Online therapy experience or recommendations?

I have a local therapist however I literally have maybe one zoom visit with her every other month if that because she “books up quick”. I like her but I need help and like the latest major trauma that I’m dealing with (surprise divorce, SA that I was unaware of caused by him drugging me, being terminal… see my earlier post if you’re interested in that story) her advice to me for coping the other day was “Be safe and don’t take anymore drinks from him. I can fit you in, in a month and a half.” Mind you I’m having constant panic attacks, SI, physically ill from the anxiety and no medication because in August the hospital took me off my meds because of my heart and my therapist never put the referral in for me to the the psychologist to get new meds. I wasn’t given the opportunity to ask again because we ran out of time and my primary care doesn’t prescribe those. I was wondering about using an online service? I have Medicaid for insurance. Do online services take that? I want therapy and at least a prescription for something to help when the anxiety hits. I have PTSD, OCD and Major Depression and all of it is super triggered right now and I’m really struggling to not reach out to my estranged husband (abuser) and struggling to not lose my mind. Any suggestions of services anyone has used or uses? #Therapy #Anxiety #PTSD #MajorDepression #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #OnlineTherapy #GettingHelp

13 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Online therapy experience or recommendations?

I have a local therapist however I literally have maybe one zoom visit with her every other month if that because she “books up quick”. I like her but I need help and like the latest major trauma that I’m dealing with (surprise divorce, SA that I was unaware of caused by him drugging me, being terminal… see my earlier post if you’re interested in that story) her advice to me for coping the other day was “Be safe and don’t take anymore drinks from him. I can fit you in, in a month and a half.” Mind you I’m having constant panic attacks, SI, physically ill from the anxiety and no medication because in August the hospital took me off my meds because of my heart and my therapist never put the referral in for me to the the psychologist to get new meds. I wasn’t given the opportunity to ask again because we ran out of time and my primary care doesn’t prescribe those. I was wondering about using an online service? I have Medicaid for insurance. Do online services take that? I want therapy and at least a prescription for something to help when the anxiety hits. I have PTSD, OCD and Major Depression and all of it is super triggered right now and I’m really struggling to not reach out to my estranged husband (abuser) and struggling to not lose my mind. Any suggestions of services anyone has used or uses? #Therapy #Anxiety #PTSD #MajorDepression #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #OnlineTherapy #GettingHelp

13 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Online therapy experience or recommendations?

I have a local therapist however I literally have maybe one zoom visit with her every other month if that because she “books up quick”. I like her but I need help and like the latest major trauma that I’m dealing with (surprise divorce, SA that I was unaware of caused by him drugging me, being terminal… see my earlier post if you’re interested in that story) her advice to me for coping the other day was “Be safe and don’t take anymore drinks from him. I can fit you in, in a month and a half.” Mind you I’m having constant panic attacks, SI, physically ill from the anxiety and no medication because in August the hospital took me off my meds because of my heart and my therapist never put the referral in for me to the the psychologist to get new meds. I wasn’t given the opportunity to ask again because we ran out of time and my primary care doesn’t prescribe those. I was wondering about using an online service? I have Medicaid for insurance. Do online services take that? I want therapy and at least a prescription for something to help when the anxiety hits. I have PTSD, OCD and Major Depression and all of it is super triggered right now and I’m really struggling to not reach out to my estranged husband (abuser) and struggling to not lose my mind. Any suggestions of services anyone has used or uses? #Therapy #Anxiety #PTSD #MajorDepression #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #OnlineTherapy #GettingHelp

13 people are talking about this
Community Voices

It’s been a while. Traumatic divorce brought me back.

TW: divorce, emotional abuse, rape

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here, I’ve missed the community. I had gotten pretty sick with chemo and just lost hope.

Then my estranged husband got in touch and despite my terminal diagnosis he assured me I would beat cancer just like he did while we were separated. We reconciled around Thanksgiving and it felt like everything had been to bring us to that moment. We remained living separately but were planning on moving in together again. I felt loved, I felt like I had a reason to live and a reason to fight. It felt great to have him to talk to, or be around, or go out with and to be around my in-laws and his big family again. Because of him I sought a 3rd opinion, switched oncologist, changed my diet, started a new biologic treatment instead of chemo and had more energy. I restarted my cake business with the support of my husband and I felt like his love was saving my life.

Fast forward to Wednesday when I went to his attorney’s office and signed our divorce papers. He surprised me with a divorce this week when just last week we were fine. Won’t give me a reason says he can love me and want a divorce and he is now completely ghosting me from literally the moment I signed. In speaking with the one person in his family that was speaking to me, I just wasn’t dying fast enough. He thought he took out life insurance behind my back (legal in my state) and thought he’d get a quick payout. Except all the good advice he was giving me to help me beat this (eat whatever you want, ignore the doctor’s diet, be more active, get a new doctor) was actually supposed to be bad advice disguised as helpful advice to try to speed up the process… except his advice actually did help me live longer and get better. I went from having a 4 month prognosis to a year to year and a half. So exactly at the 4 month mark he’s divorcing me. According to his attorney, he’s in a rush to get remarried to someone else. Our divorce hearing is on the 11th, the one year anniversary of my cancer and heart failure diagnosis.

Between things his attorney said, things his family member said and things I experienced and witnessed but didn’t want to acknowledge and things he had done or said himself… everything adds up to the fact that throughout our marriage while he was rejecting me sexually (we’d been married 6 years, separated for 3 1/2, had never consummated our marriage and he used his weight as an excuse) he’d actually drugged and raped me, possibly quite a few times and there are pics. And I’m allegedly not the only one it has happened or been happening to. Turns out there’s all kinds of SA, incest and pedophilia in his family. Also he’s allegedly been on crack cocaine for years (yet still morbidly obese which honestly is why I never suspected it despite his personality “quirks”).

Oh and he faked his cancer.

I’m devastated. Moved 1,000 miles to marry him. My emotions are everywhere & I don’t know what to believe or feel. #Abuse

3 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Steroids be like…

Tired Severely Dehydrated Me @ midnight: Long day, labs, oncologist, chemo, mini medical emergency, getting yelled at by doctor & pre-op appointment. Let’s go to bed!
Caffeinated Steroids: No!
Me: Yes! I’m exhausted and don’t feel good.
Steroids: Let’s watch cat videos on IG for 4 hours and then read all your lab results on your patient portal.
My cat: Did you say cat videos? Cat videos! Yay! Let’s snuggle and watch cat videos!
Me at 5am: FML pleaassseeee let me rest!?!
Steroids: No!

Moral of the story: If you know they give you steroids on chemo day that mess with your sleep, maybe don’t stop at Starbucks at 4pm. #regrets #Steroids #exhausted

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Never settle for less! You are guacamole 🥑!

<p>Never settle for less! You are guacamole 🥑!</p>
3 people are talking about this