It’s been a while. Traumatic divorce brought me back.
TW: divorce, emotional abuse, rape
It’s been a while since I’ve been on here, I’ve missed the community. I had gotten pretty sick with chemo and just lost hope.
Then my estranged husband got in touch and despite my terminal diagnosis he assured me I would beat cancer just like he did while we were separated. We reconciled around Thanksgiving and it felt like everything had been to bring us to that moment. We remained living separately but were planning on moving in together again. I felt loved, I felt like I had a reason to live and a reason to fight. It felt great to have him to talk to, or be around, or go out with and to be around my in-laws and his big family again. Because of him I sought a 3rd opinion, switched oncologist, changed my diet, started a new biologic treatment instead of chemo and had more energy. I restarted my cake business with the support of my husband and I felt like his love was saving my life.
Fast forward to Wednesday when I went to his attorney’s office and signed our divorce papers. He surprised me with a divorce this week when just last week we were fine. Won’t give me a reason says he can love me and want a divorce and he is now completely ghosting me from literally the moment I signed. In speaking with the one person in his family that was speaking to me, I just wasn’t dying fast enough. He thought he took out life insurance behind my back (legal in my state) and thought he’d get a quick payout. Except all the good advice he was giving me to help me beat this (eat whatever you want, ignore the doctor’s diet, be more active, get a new doctor) was actually supposed to be bad advice disguised as helpful advice to try to speed up the process… except his advice actually did help me live longer and get better. I went from having a 4 month prognosis to a year to year and a half. So exactly at the 4 month mark he’s divorcing me. According to his attorney, he’s in a rush to get remarried to someone else. Our divorce hearing is on the 11th, the one year anniversary of my cancer and heart failure diagnosis.
Between things his attorney said, things his family member said and things I experienced and witnessed but didn’t want to acknowledge and things he had done or said himself… everything adds up to the fact that throughout our marriage while he was rejecting me sexually (we’d been married 6 years, separated for 3 1/2, had never consummated our marriage and he used his weight as an excuse) he’d actually drugged and raped me, possibly quite a few times and there are pics. And I’m allegedly not the only one it has happened or been happening to. Turns out there’s all kinds of SA, incest and pedophilia in his family. Also he’s allegedly been on crack cocaine for years (yet still morbidly obese which honestly is why I never suspected it despite his personality “quirks”).
Oh and he faked his cancer.
I’m devastated. Moved 1,000 miles to marry him. My emotions are everywhere & I don’t know what to believe or feel. #Abuse