It’s days like these that I HATE CP
I just really need to vent!
In that moment you realise that you can’t physically save yourself from falling, and try to prepare for the pain you know is coming as you land with a thud on the hard tile floor.
When there was nothing there to trip on, and you seemingly tripped over yourself #cplife
When it’s midnight and you wake from the pain.
When you fall over for a second time in just a few days, still nursing bruises from the first time, and you’re just trying to do something normal.
When you finally break down away from everyone, and someone in your house appears with harsh words because they heard you, and walk away cursing you under their breath. And you cry more, because you didn’t mean to disturb them.
When you downplay what happened, or feel guilty for telling anyone, when all you want to do is scream and pummel something.
When you feel guilty for complaining because you know how privileged you are.
When your emotions are so fragile that just about anything feels too much.
When the pain catches you when you bend over, breathe deeply, laugh and manoeuvre yourself.
When you think to yourself, “Is this what my life is going to be?”
And the future scares you, because ageing with CP leaves you vulnerable to these things, and you’re turning 30, when apparently ageing sets in at about 25.
When you wonder what it would be like to live without disability, and you decide if there was a magic pill cure, you’d take it, just to find out, but you’re trying to embrace disability pride.
When you’d like to be admired as someone who faces adversity without ever complaining, but the frustration and pain is just too much.