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@lucyphillips4
Brandi Fulton

Hygiene Hacks for Showering When Depressed

It’s been “sweat dripping from under my boobs, behind my knees and between my fingers” weather and daily showers have become mandatory. I’ve always been pretty good at sudsing up, but it’s been a challenge this last week. My depression has been following me around like an annoying younger sibling and I’ve noticed my showers are starting to happen later in the day and zapping all my energy. I understand the shame of not showering or brushing your teeth for a week (or two). I feel like such a failure when I can’t muster up the mental or physical energy to do something as basic as keeping myself clean, but that’s the dirty truth. However, when I can eventually force myself to bathe, there are some hacks I picked up. The goal is to always make it as easy and enjoyable as possible. Possible being the operative word. 1. When and how. When do you have the most energy to lather up? Do you want a soak in the tub or a quick shower? I’m usually awake by 6 a.m. and have a limited number of hours where I have the energy to shower, so it’s one of the first things I do. Generally, I’m a shower girl, but if standing for five minutes feels like slogging through mud, I choose to have a bath instead. 2. Be prepared. What do you need in the shower or bath and after the shower or bath? I lay my purple towel on the toilet beside the shower, set out my leggings, sensible undies and tank top, and make sure that the shampoo and soap are where they’re supposed to be. It’s so stressful to get in the shower and then have to chase the soap into the corner of the bathtub where it inevitably escapes again. It belongs in its conveniently placed dish. Ditto with the shampoo. If it helps, buy one of those hanging shower caddies. 3. Make it easy. What takes the least effort? I only wash my hair two or three times a week and use a 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner. I haven’t used this before, but I heard dry shampoo works well. Or if your hair has been in a messy bun for a week and your brush refuses to do its job, there is always a detangler. This may seem silly, but I wash my body in the same pattern each time because it takes the least amount of physical and mental effort. I start at my feet and legs and work my way up, so I don’t have to bend down twice. When I’m really tired, I follow my husband’s advice: “You don’t need to wash your feet because that’s where all the soap is anyway.” He’s a brilliant man. 4. Make it enjoyable. What will motivate you to get out of bed and into the shower or bath? Sometimes, the only thing that gets me in the shower is the knowledge that my shower head will massage my aching shoulders and back. I haven’t invested in a massage shower head but I might just do that. Also, it can help to use shampoo and soap that smell good. I’m a lavender, coconut and vanilla kind of gal but some like it fruity. There is a whole industry dedicated to you breathing a sigh of relief when entering the bath; bath bombs, bubble bath, bath beads, aromatherapy oils, etc. 5. Desperate times call for desperate measures. What if you’re really unwell and haven’t bathed in a couple of weeks? I set an alarm so that I know I’m only going to be in there for five minutes and then dive back under the sheets when I’m done. I understand how deep down exhausting it can be to even stand up. So, we deserve a break after. The last weapon in my arsenal is to have my husband come into the bathroom and talk to me while I’m in the shower. This distracts me so that the five minutes don’t feel so long, and I don’t feel so lonely . These tricks may or may not work for you, but I hope it helps. Even knowing that you’re not alone in this horrible, exhaust ing, depressi ve epi sode can be huge. What tricks do you have when bathing feels impossible?

Brandi Fulton

Hygiene Hacks for Showering When Depressed

It’s been “sweat dripping from under my boobs, behind my knees and between my fingers” weather and daily showers have become mandatory. I’ve always been pretty good at sudsing up, but it’s been a challenge this last week. My depression has been following me around like an annoying younger sibling and I’ve noticed my showers are starting to happen later in the day and zapping all my energy. I understand the shame of not showering or brushing your teeth for a week (or two). I feel like such a failure when I can’t muster up the mental or physical energy to do something as basic as keeping myself clean, but that’s the dirty truth. However, when I can eventually force myself to bathe, there are some hacks I picked up. The goal is to always make it as easy and enjoyable as possible. Possible being the operative word. 1. When and how. When do you have the most energy to lather up? Do you want a soak in the tub or a quick shower? I’m usually awake by 6 a.m. and have a limited number of hours where I have the energy to shower, so it’s one of the first things I do. Generally, I’m a shower girl, but if standing for five minutes feels like slogging through mud, I choose to have a bath instead. 2. Be prepared. What do you need in the shower or bath and after the shower or bath? I lay my purple towel on the toilet beside the shower, set out my leggings, sensible undies and tank top, and make sure that the shampoo and soap are where they’re supposed to be. It’s so stressful to get in the shower and then have to chase the soap into the corner of the bathtub where it inevitably escapes again. It belongs in its conveniently placed dish. Ditto with the shampoo. If it helps, buy one of those hanging shower caddies. 3. Make it easy. What takes the least effort? I only wash my hair two or three times a week and use a 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner. I haven’t used this before, but I heard dry shampoo works well. Or if your hair has been in a messy bun for a week and your brush refuses to do its job, there is always a detangler. This may seem silly, but I wash my body in the same pattern each time because it takes the least amount of physical and mental effort. I start at my feet and legs and work my way up, so I don’t have to bend down twice. When I’m really tired, I follow my husband’s advice: “You don’t need to wash your feet because that’s where all the soap is anyway.” He’s a brilliant man. 4. Make it enjoyable. What will motivate you to get out of bed and into the shower or bath? Sometimes, the only thing that gets me in the shower is the knowledge that my shower head will massage my aching shoulders and back. I haven’t invested in a massage shower head but I might just do that. Also, it can help to use shampoo and soap that smell good. I’m a lavender, coconut and vanilla kind of gal but some like it fruity. There is a whole industry dedicated to you breathing a sigh of relief when entering the bath; bath bombs, bubble bath, bath beads, aromatherapy oils, etc. 5. Desperate times call for desperate measures. What if you’re really unwell and haven’t bathed in a couple of weeks? I set an alarm so that I know I’m only going to be in there for five minutes and then dive back under the sheets when I’m done. I understand how deep down exhausting it can be to even stand up. So, we deserve a break after. The last weapon in my arsenal is to have my husband come into the bathroom and talk to me while I’m in the shower. This distracts me so that the five minutes don’t feel so long, and I don’t feel so lonely . These tricks may or may not work for you, but I hope it helps. Even knowing that you’re not alone in this horrible, exhaust ing, depressi ve epi sode can be huge. What tricks do you have when bathing feels impossible?

Community Voices

Navigating betrayal

It had been a solid month since I found my significant other cheating on me, both physically and emotionally. He went so far as to get into another living relationship with another woman, telling her that he loved here while he was laying in bed with me.
I loved-love-this man in a way I didn’t know I was capable. He lead me to believe that he was in my corner no matter what, he understood my struggles with treatment resistant depression and, I thought, loved me through that. I showed him my sharp edges and my darkness, which I normally keep guarded, and he said he loved me, my sharp broken pieces and darkness.
I can’t help be feel so foolish for beleiving him. I am humiliated that I gave him all the power to hurt me and stupidly trusted that he wouldn’t. I don’t understand why or how someone could be so crule.
I feel beyond betrayed.
Then I get into my head and start to wonder…
“What is it about me that made it so easy for him to hurt?”
“What’s wrong with me that he felt he needed to go somewhere else?”
And the classic “why is she better than me?”
I want to know these answers. However, I intellectually know that it’s not about me. That when I thought he was getting to know me, he was just finding the parts of me to exploit. That he felt he needed to go somewhere else because he is so insecure he needs as much external validation he can get. Lastly, she isn’t better than me. I mean, she had to be a downgrade, she willingly and stupidly is getting into a relationship that started with him cheating on someone. Even though I know this in my head, I don’t feel it in my heart.
The thing that irks me the most is my reaction. Verbally went for the jugular. I used everything he confided in me about his past, his insecurities and family life and used them against him to hurt him. In a rage black out I said things that I would never deamed of saying to someone. I was mean. Worst, i acted with the intention to hurt him the way he hurt me.
What confuses me the most is that despite the terrible things I said. The betrayal, the web of lies he spun. The hurt and pain he caused, I miss him. I want him in my life still.
I so deeply miss the routine of having someone.
The anger I may still feel doesn’t even begin to touch the sadness that is setting in. I miss him, I miss how I felt with him. I miss feeling safe and wanted. Cared for and loved. I miss caring for him, supporting his Passions and giving my love to him. I miss the part of me the lit up around him.
I know it’s a good thing I found out that he is the cheating type now, and that there are lessons to be learned and all that; but the fact I found out sooner rather than later and that there are lessons to be learned, do not negate the feelings I am having. The impact this betrayal is having on me.
I already struggle deeply with depression, and it’s taken ever fiber of by being not to completely spin out over this. I’m so tired though, I just want to give in.

9 people are talking about this
Community Voices

TBH

I think I am a lost cause.
I don’t feel much hope for the future.
It seems as though my flawed humanity and sharp pieces hurt everyone around me, especially the people I love.
If there is a god or higher power, he, she, it made a mistake with me.
I feel like my existence only causes pain because I am not suppose to be.
I was brought into this world with the purpose of saving my parents marriage. I failed, they were divorced six months later.
I have already failed at my purpose.
Now what?

10 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Navigating betrayal

It had been a solid month since I found my significant other cheating on me, both physically and emotionally. He went so far as to get into another living relationship with another woman, telling her that he loved here while he was laying in bed with me.
I loved-love-this man in a way I didn’t know I was capable. He lead me to believe that he was in my corner no matter what, he understood my struggles with treatment resistant depression and, I thought, loved me through that. I showed him my sharp edges and my darkness, which I normally keep guarded, and he said he loved me, my sharp broken pieces and darkness.
I can’t help be feel so foolish for beleiving him. I am humiliated that I gave him all the power to hurt me and stupidly trusted that he wouldn’t. I don’t understand why or how someone could be so crule.
I feel beyond betrayed.
Then I get into my head and start to wonder…
“What is it about me that made it so easy for him to hurt?”
“What’s wrong with me that he felt he needed to go somewhere else?”
And the classic “why is she better than me?”
I want to know these answers. However, I intellectually know that it’s not about me. That when I thought he was getting to know me, he was just finding the parts of me to exploit. That he felt he needed to go somewhere else because he is so insecure he needs as much external validation he can get. Lastly, she isn’t better than me. I mean, she had to be a downgrade, she willingly and stupidly is getting into a relationship that started with him cheating on someone. Even though I know this in my head, I don’t feel it in my heart.
The thing that irks me the most is my reaction. Verbally went for the jugular. I used everything he confided in me about his past, his insecurities and family life and used them against him to hurt him. In a rage black out I said things that I would never deamed of saying to someone. I was mean. Worst, i acted with the intention to hurt him the way he hurt me.
What confuses me the most is that despite the terrible things I said. The betrayal, the web of lies he spun. The hurt and pain he caused, I miss him. I want him in my life still.
I so deeply miss the routine of having someone.
The anger I may still feel doesn’t even begin to touch the sadness that is setting in. I miss him, I miss how I felt with him. I miss feeling safe and wanted. Cared for and loved. I miss caring for him, supporting his Passions and giving my love to him. I miss the part of me the lit up around him.
I know it’s a good thing I found out that he is the cheating type now, and that there are lessons to be learned and all that; but the fact I found out sooner rather than later and that there are lessons to be learned, do not negate the feelings I am having. The impact this betrayal is having on me.
I already struggle deeply with depression, and it’s taken ever fiber of by being not to completely spin out over this. I’m so tired though, I just want to give in.

9 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Forgiveness and moving on

<p>Forgiveness and moving on</p>
44 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Abusive father

I feel like people generally understand and accept the long lasting effects of physical or sexual abuse because it’s an actual event. It’s more tangible. Whereas with emotional abuse, it seems people think we can “just get over it.” I feel like I am met with the concept of “There are no physical scars so why am you still suffering?”
I once saw something that read “the way a parent speaks to a child becomes their inner voice.” having been verbally and emotionally abused my entire life by my father, my inner voice is him telling me I am unlovable, unworthy, and incapable. I don’t know about anyone else but when in relationship with someone I feel I am met with a lack of understanding, accusations of making excuses for my trauma responses, and zero empathy for the emotional abuse that still occurs at the age of 33. Boyfriends don’t understand that when I’m triggered by not being encouraged or when I am constructively criticized, or when I don’t get approval, of even when there is the slightest feeling that I have done something wrong, I pull away emotionally. When I explain why, I am typically told to let it go, get over it, cut him out of your life, just don’t believe him. Like it’s that simple.
Yes, the logical thing is to cut ties with an abuser but instill cling to the pathetic hope that some day my dad will give me his approval, protect me, encourage me, and be a “dad.” I think generally speaking, every girl dreams of having a doting dad-to be a “daddy’s girl. I am no exception. How am I expected to have healthy relationships with men when the most impactful relationship a girl can have is with her father and mine was/is abusive?
Sometimes I wonder if my dad physically abused me, the emotional wounds I carry with me would be less and I would be met with more understanding and on empathy. #EmotionalAbuse

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

I feel like people generally understand and accept the long lasting effects of physical or sexual abuse because it’s an actual event. It’s more tangib

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Scared to fall asleep

I am fairly certain that I stay up all night, doing mindless activities because of fear. I fear my thoughts. I fear where my mind will wonder off to from the time I rest my head on the pillow to the time I fall asleep. Am I alone in this?

24 people are talking about this
Community Voices

The past two weeks

In the last 14 days, my aunt shot and killed herself, my significant other left me by telling me I am too hard to live and I terminated a pregnancy.
The past 14 days I have been numb and mindlessly putting one foot in front of the other to get through life.
As the chaos begins to subside, I am starting to feel everything with my whole mind, body, and soul.
As someone who struggles with major depression, anxiety and OCD, I am feel like I am preparing, expecting and fearing a huge depressive episode. One so deep and dark I may not be pulled out from its depth.
Despite these three life changing events, my family expects me to just live life as if my soul isn’t being crushed.
#MentalHealth

13 people are talking about this