meg

I have lived alone since I became a widow 8 years ago. My late husband's son has kinda moved in. He's 42yo. He bought a bus, sleeps in it but is in my house from the time he wakes up till I say I am going to bed. I asked him to give me some space and go to his HOUSE at 6pm so I can have some space. It's 34°f. He is quietly resisting.
I am starting to resent him. He doesn't work. He does cook for me , my food though. I hate confrontation. I hate that it's cold because I feel heartless. I do not know what to do that I can do. I have explained that I am on a fixed income. He looks at me like...SO?. Can I ask friends to counsel him? How did I get stuck with a step adult that I am starting to resent? Gawd, my stomach is rolling just writing this. His dad was the love of my life. This kid, told me f off 30years ago and never lived with us, till now. I want to scream, throw things , have a pity party. Ugh. In tears

I have lived alone since I became a widow 8 years ago. My late husband's son has kinda moved in. He's 42yo. He bought a bus, sleeps in it but is in my house from the time he wakes up till I say I am going to bed. I asked him to give me some space and go to his HOUSE at 6pm so I can have some space. It's 34°f. He is quietly resisting.
I am starting to resent him. He doesn't work. He does cook for me , my food though. I hate confrontation. I hate that it's cold because I feel heartless. I do not know what to do that I can do. I have explained that I am on a fixed income. He looks at me like...SO?. Can I ask friends to counsel him? How did I get stuck with a step adult that I am starting to resent? Gawd, my stomach is rolling just writing this. His dad was the love of my life. This kid, told me f off 30years ago and never lived with us, till now. I want to scream, throw things , have a pity party. Ugh. In tears

She sat at the back and they said she was shy,
She led from the front and they hated her pride,
They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,
They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,
When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,
So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,
They told her they'd listen, then covered their ears,
And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,
And she listened to all of it thinking she should,
Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,
But one day she asked what was best for herself,
Instead of trying to please everyone else,
So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,
She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,
She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,
And she told them what she'd been told time after time,
She told them she felt she was never enough,
She was either too little or far far too much,
Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,
Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,
Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs,
And she stopped...and she heard what the trees said to her,
And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,
For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe'
~Author unknown

Hi mighties,

I am hoping someone may be able to help me here. I’ve been back at work part time since July after around 9 months off because of my mental health. I had overdosed last year which was the reason for the time off. This meant starting antidepressants and as you know that’s a struggle in itself.

So my issue is this. The agreement for me returning to work part time was temporary and we agreed that I’d gradually build up my hours back to full time. Whilst this has been such a challenge for me with continued thoughts and desire of not wanting to be here and exist like this anymore, losing all my supportive people who want nothing to do with me and all the general struggles that come with depression, anxiety and PTSD. So how and what do I tell my manager? The big bosses are always pushing and asking why I haven’t increased my hours yet. We’ve been so busy and short staffed which means a lot of the time I get stuck there and do more hours then I’m supposed to and people say “you’re already doing more hours so why not officially increase them to what you’re doing?” But how do I explain that once I leave I breakdown for the whole 50min drive home? That I have such anxiety just being there, knowing I’ll leave late, and knowing that the tears will flood once I leave. My anxiety around it has been really bad this week as my manager said we would sit and discuss my hours but we didn’t get a chance so it’ll likely be this week that we do talk and I’m so worked up about it. I have to show that I’m trying but I’m exhausted. Exhausted from everything. From never getting a break from my brain, from people being angry that I can barely socialise, from panicking, from insomnia, from nightmares, from being so alone and losing the hope and will to even carry on. I am tired of life. These thoughts and feelings I have all day everyday are things I’ve never said out loud to anyone.

I struggle to admit how much I am struggling as people expect me to be better and I put that trusty mask on around everyone. But truth be told, I am fighting against ways to not exist anymore. No one would bat an eyelid. The pain of so much literally hurts in my core. I feel it. Deep in my chest and I’m not strong enough to keep battling this.
So work are expecting me to say I’ll increase my hours. But even though I’ve been doing extra anyway, I cannot bare the thought of it being set in stone for me to do more. It takes me over a day to recover after each day at work so I’m pretty much running on empty. I’m grateful to my line manager who has been really supportive, but how do I explain that it’s killing me? #Depression #PTSD #Anxiety #SuicidalThoughts #Insomnia #CheckInWithMe

It is never comforting when you're in need of a friend or family member and no one answers your call or texts...🥺

#ChronicDepression #RheumatoidArthritis #Anxiety #struggling #tired #Fibromyalgia

Today i went to Get a hot chocolate at Tim hortons. I seen this guy who seeed to have a mental illiness follow me in. He was standing near the window having a conversation with himselfs. The person asked him to leave. Or she call the police on him again like last time. Makes me wonder did he do something harmful or hurt a person before? I guess that would scare people off. They do it for safety reasons. I noticed soe one like that before, Just no one aksed the to leave before. Just wanted some thoughts?

I feel like my winter depression feels worse this year. Wish i could be a bear and sleep till Spring. lol

#MentalHealth