Megan DeBord

@megandebord
Community Voices

Photo of my post

<p>Photo of my post</p>
Community Voices

One day I hope I’ll come here to say I’m doing well. Today’s not that day. I should be happy, my husband and I got back together last month, we’re moving in our new to us house, I got a raise this morning at my job….. Yet all the hard stuff, the dark and heavy stuff, both some present circumstances and trauma from my past are weighing heavily on me. I’m fighting hard to stay out of my bed. I work tonight, 3rd shift, and it’s going to take everything in me to go. Today I zoned out while driving and my phone rang and startled me so bad I ran off the road into the ditch. I’m feeling so close to when I ended up in the hospital in February. I need a break, I need to rest. How do you tell people that though? How do you take a mental health break from life? You can’t just not go to work. I just feel like if I don’t take a break I WILL break. I even have to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I don’t even care really. I’m hurting so much I don’t care about much of anything.

9 people are talking about this
Community Voices

One day I hope I’ll come here to say I’m doing well. Today’s not that day. I should be happy, my husband and I got back together last month, we’re moving in our new to us house, I got a raise this morning at my job….. Yet all the hard stuff, the dark and heavy stuff, both some present circumstances and trauma from my past are weighing heavily on me. I’m fighting hard to stay out of my bed. I work tonight, 3rd shift, and it’s going to take everything in me to go. Today I zoned out while driving and my phone rang and startled me so bad I ran off the road into the ditch. I’m feeling so close to when I ended up in the hospital in February. I need a break, I need to rest. How do you tell people that though? How do you take a mental health break from life? You can’t just not go to work. I just feel like if I don’t take a break I WILL break. I even have to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I don’t even care really. I’m hurting so much I don’t care about much of anything.

9 people are talking about this
Community Voices

One day I hope I’ll come here to say I’m doing well. Today’s not that day. I should be happy, my husband and I got back together last month, we’re moving in our new to us house, I got a raise this morning at my job….. Yet all the hard stuff, the dark and heavy stuff, both some present circumstances and trauma from my past are weighing heavily on me. I’m fighting hard to stay out of my bed. I work tonight, 3rd shift, and it’s going to take everything in me to go. Today I zoned out while driving and my phone rang and startled me so bad I ran off the road into the ditch. I’m feeling so close to when I ended up in the hospital in February. I need a break, I need to rest. How do you tell people that though? How do you take a mental health break from life? You can’t just not go to work. I just feel like if I don’t take a break I WILL break. I even have to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I don’t even care really. I’m hurting so much I don’t care about much of anything.

9 people are talking about this
Community Voices

I have so much trouble with boundaries and people pleasing. I offered to cover a shift tonight for a coworker, three weeks ago. My memory is terrible too and I did so without thinking I work first shift tomorrow. So I’m scheduled to work 16 hours from 11 pm tonight until 3 pm tomorrow afternoon. Now I’m struggling with my depression and I’m in terrible physical pain due to my CMT. All day I have considered calling in and I haven’t because I feel like I have no right to since I got myself into this mess, even if I had no idea I’d be doing poorly today. I tend to never tell people my limits because I don’t want them to think I’m weak or because I feel like I’ll upset them. I don’t believe my problems are any worse than anyone else’s, actually if anything I tend to minimize my own problems. I can’t stand the thought of anyone being angry or upset with me even if it means I suffer in the end. I know what my limits are and they are much lower than many peoples but I push myself until I break to please others. So here I am doing that again. My anxiety over making others angry with me has caused me to procrastinate and it’s now too late to call in and now my anxiety over breaking down at work is taking over. My thoughts are going down a dark path. I hate who I am! #CheckInWithMe #MajorDepression #Anxiety #ChronicPain #boundaries #SuicidalThoughts

1 person is talking about this
Community Voices

I came here because I know people understand. I’m at work, working a double shift. I started out having a great day then the heaviness and anxiety set in, followed by intrusive thoughts. Now I’m in physical pain on top of that. I keep smiling and acting like I’m fine to my co-worker and clients and I’m not fine at all. I’m tired of feeling terrible so often, I’m tired of thinking I’m a downer, a burden. I’m tired of faking ok. #CheckInWithMe

3 people are talking about this
Community Voices
tzvi

If I knew I couldn't fail

If I knew that I could not fail, I would continue writing for a living. Inasmuch that I enjoy writing about different subjects, mostly within the framework of religion and psychology, I would make an even greater effort, knowing that despite any lucrative opportunities now, there may be a monetary reward down the road.

And, yet this is not why I write, nor would I permit this to become the reason that I write, otherwise, all the fun would diminish. Rather, a better gauge of success would be positive feedback from others, if only in the form of likes and views on my blogs and other platforms. Moreover, for myself, to see my own writing improve over time, rather than remaining stagnant would also be a sign of success, as opposed to the stagnancy of mediocrity.

Using this as a metaphor for life, the journey is as important as the destination. If I could have had the “perfect” life, without any failures, then, this might have resulted in a less rich life than the one that I have now. Moreover, I can not gauge my standard of success in worldly terms, otherwise, if that were my measure of success, then being unmarried, without a vocation, or any accolades beyond two undergraduate degrees in English and Psychology, the world itself would judge me unfairly.

Rather, it is because of my failures on all fronts, that I can succeed in the endeavors that are currently most important to me. Also, knowing that I am no longer going along the path according to my own ways, including the miscalculated directions from the errant guides of pride, ambition, and self-righteousness, I can follow the ways of G-d, and gain esteem in His eyes.

9 people are talking about this
Community Voices
Community Voices

I have posted a few times recently how I’ve been struggling and not having my meds. Saturday the withdrawal effects from the Effexor sent me into a downward spiral and I had a breakdown at work. With the help of my therapist as well as the crisis text line I managed to make it through my shift. However on the drive home I got both physically ill and mentally distraught. I had to pull off at a rest stop and after attempting to get help from my husband and failing, I drove myself back to the ER of the hospital I had been to for my depression before. Upon evaluation I was admitted to the behavioral health unit and my meds were changed and I am feeling SO much better, mentally anyway. I was released yesterday afternoon (Monday) and I am back at work tonight. I’m still feeling a bit yucky physically due to lingering withdrawal effects that I was told to expect for a bit longer, side effects of the new medication as well as just the stress on my body from the whole incident Saturday. I must say I’m glad to be done with Effexor, that’s a nasty drug to come off of! Hoping to continue to stay stable. I’m extremely proud of myself though for going to the hospital alone and asking for the help I needed. Just eight months ago I didn’t know how to ask for that help and made a suicide attempt and was hospitalized for ten days. Now I can recognize when I need help before I get that far. I so appreciate each of you that have given me support. I feel safest sharing my journey here. If you’re struggling right now, reach out there’s no shame in needing extra support.

4 people are talking about this