Kkkk

@mightymorphin
Community Voices

Update

I absolutely never realized how much danger I was in. I’m not sure what mental illness I have for sure except major anxiety and depression. It’s difficult to tell what’s trauma and what’s “mental illness”. I have a lot of trauma. My life has been hell this past year after moving back home with my parents.
I now realize just how much danger I’m in and I can’t keep ignoring it.
I got in 3 car accidents almost back to back in a few months and probably gotten 15+ tickets this past year from not paying attention. I’m disassociating I think while I’m driving. My mental health is hanging on by a thread. I’m scared af of the outside world bc I feel it’ll only mirror the things I’ve seen at home, but something has got to give. I no longer have a car now, but the second i get one I have to leave.
My plan is to sleep in my car. For some reason i feel that it’s safer than going to a shelter? Chicago is not a fun place. Not a safe space either. I don’t have a safe space anywhere and that’s what scares me. Everybody wants something from me. Even therapists are no longer safe, my last one was insanely unhelpful. Cut our meetings short, talked about her family often, kept trying to get me to work at her friends job. Just insanely unprofessional. I worry that im just looking for attention but is that a bad thing? I need someone to help me. I don’t have any family or friends and shelter just can’t be my only option can it?
I guess I just don’t completely understand the severity of my situation although my body sure nows it isn’t good. I can’t stop taking to save my life. I don’t know hot to breathe properly anymore, I’m tired all the time, rocking 24/7, pain in my upper back, constant jumpineas and looking over my shoulder but i feel like this is a role I’m playing just to make it out of this house like I’m on a heist mission? I don’t want this to be my personality. I’m scared that when i leave i won’t know how to adjust & be the person i want to be without an insane case of imposter syndrome or maybe i just am an imposter? Maybe i like the abuse? Maybe i like being pimped out bc of the perks it gets me? I know i was taught to hate myself at a young age and I am self aware and do know better but it’s hard to do better for some reason. I feel like i have to prove a point and not to myself.
I really do want to live. I want my parents locked up for the rest of their lives, but it won’t be my doing bc i just want to forget about them. I want to leave this house and never remember this life. But how in todays economy? I guess I’ll just get a van and wish for the best? Hopefully depression doesn’t keep me down for too long cus i still got bills to pay ;)

Community Voices

How do u stop internaling every negative thing said about u? Live in the moment?

My confidence is so low. I’m constantly seeking connections & validation from anyone. Even strangers. Anything awful ever said to me, since a kid I’ve never forgotten it & now I’ve internalized it and come to believe it. I forgot who I am. I used to be so sweet until I got tired of being shit on then i started fighting back, but I’m no fighter. It’s hard to put into words. When I’m around ppl that have said bad things about me it replays in my mind constantly & i want to lash out so bad but i refuse to do it to a person. I need a way to release my anger & clear my head. I don’t have a clear or peaceful moment in my mind anymore ever. I’m always busy with work. Can’t catch a break, can’t get any kind words no matter how many i try to dish out. Paranoid about everyutging bc i feel now that everyone can see & believe all the negative things I’ve been told even tho i know they aren’t true & I’m angry. Lonely. Alone. I have no one. Not one friend. Can’t even get through to a therapist with my horrible insurance or make time to find a support group working 40+ hours a week. Can’t find a genuine person or a good therapist. I’m burnt. Out. I just want a break. I feel like everyone hates me or is judging me bc I’m judging myself & get scared when i have these thoughts that others have placed into my mind to the point I’m shaking & rocking all the time. I need real help, friends & love. Just someone to talk to & tell me how to clear my head. I’m fucking losing it. #Depression #ChronicDepression #help #IntrusiveThoughts #Shame

6 people are talking about this
Community Voices

How do u stop internaling every negative thing said about u? Live in the moment?

My confidence is so low. I’m constantly seeking connections & validation from anyone. Even strangers. Anything awful ever said to me, since a kid I’ve never forgotten it & now I’ve internalized it and come to believe it. I forgot who I am. I used to be so sweet until I got tired of being shit on then i started fighting back, but I’m no fighter. It’s hard to put into words. When I’m around ppl that have said bad things about me it replays in my mind constantly & i want to lash out so bad but i refuse to do it to a person. I need a way to release my anger & clear my head. I don’t have a clear or peaceful moment in my mind anymore ever. I’m always busy with work. Can’t catch a break, can’t get any kind words no matter how many i try to dish out. Paranoid about everyutging bc i feel now that everyone can see & believe all the negative things I’ve been told even tho i know they aren’t true & I’m angry. Lonely. Alone. I have no one. Not one friend. Can’t even get through to a therapist with my horrible insurance or make time to find a support group working 40+ hours a week. Can’t find a genuine person or a good therapist. I’m burnt. Out. I just want a break. I feel like everyone hates me or is judging me bc I’m judging myself & get scared when i have these thoughts that others have placed into my mind to the point I’m shaking & rocking all the time. I need real help, friends & love. Just someone to talk to & tell me how to clear my head. I’m fucking losing it. #Depression #ChronicDepression #help #IntrusiveThoughts #Shame

6 people are talking about this
Community Voices

continuation of my last post...

The ending sounded really dramatic and I am trying my absolute hardest to be “real” but in my head it still comes off as i’m seeking attention, but I guess I am. This time for real for real, i’m breaking and I’m fearing for my life. I just spoke with a therapist (social worker on Doctor on Demand) yesterday and she immediately just suggested I pack a bag and look into shelter. I know it sounds very simple, but trust when I say this disease is very complex and there is not much u can do when even a pen dropping leads to stress and a headache. I need help and I know i’m not strong enough to have the right discernment to find people to help me/make friends with along the way so i’m terrified. I can’t stress that enough that they are trying to kill me. My heart feels pulled on everyday, i’m leaving tomorrow to save myself. Please pray for me, please? I’m not very self aware nor do I have any street smarts so me being on the street which I will be is giving me extreme anxiety. I fear for my health & my life. Can someone please pray to or talk to me? This is not an attention seeking post, this is a real cry for help! I’m posting on any social media outlet that I don’t think my family will find me on, to get the word out if they do harm me it was NOT self inflicted. Nor was it any of my “friends”, purely my family. I am not #bipolar but I may deal with borderline as well.. Another story. Please just help me, relax if u can and be compassionate to everyone. My heart hurts. #MunchausenSyndrome #MentalHealth #OtherMentalHealth #help

7 people are talking about this
Community Voices

continuation of my last post...

The ending sounded really dramatic and I am trying my absolute hardest to be “real” but in my head it still comes off as i’m seeking attention, but I guess I am. This time for real for real, i’m breaking and I’m fearing for my life. I just spoke with a therapist (social worker on Doctor on Demand) yesterday and she immediately just suggested I pack a bag and look into shelter. I know it sounds very simple, but trust when I say this disease is very complex and there is not much u can do when even a pen dropping leads to stress and a headache. I need help and I know i’m not strong enough to have the right discernment to find people to help me/make friends with along the way so i’m terrified. I can’t stress that enough that they are trying to kill me. My heart feels pulled on everyday, i’m leaving tomorrow to save myself. Please pray for me, please? I’m not very self aware nor do I have any street smarts so me being on the street which I will be is giving me extreme anxiety. I fear for my health & my life. Can someone please pray to or talk to me? This is not an attention seeking post, this is a real cry for help! I’m posting on any social media outlet that I don’t think my family will find me on, to get the word out if they do harm me it was NOT self inflicted. Nor was it any of my “friends”, purely my family. I am not #bipolar but I may deal with borderline as well.. Another story. Please just help me, relax if u can and be compassionate to everyone. My heart hurts. #MunchausenSyndrome #MentalHealth #OtherMentalHealth #help

7 people are talking about this
Community Voices

continuation of my last post...

The ending sounded really dramatic and I am trying my absolute hardest to be “real” but in my head it still comes off as i’m seeking attention, but I guess I am. This time for real for real, i’m breaking and I’m fearing for my life. I just spoke with a therapist (social worker on Doctor on Demand) yesterday and she immediately just suggested I pack a bag and look into shelter. I know it sounds very simple, but trust when I say this disease is very complex and there is not much u can do when even a pen dropping leads to stress and a headache. I need help and I know i’m not strong enough to have the right discernment to find people to help me/make friends with along the way so i’m terrified. I can’t stress that enough that they are trying to kill me. My heart feels pulled on everyday, i’m leaving tomorrow to save myself. Please pray for me, please? I’m not very self aware nor do I have any street smarts so me being on the street which I will be is giving me extreme anxiety. I fear for my health & my life. Can someone please pray to or talk to me? This is not an attention seeking post, this is a real cry for help! I’m posting on any social media outlet that I don’t think my family will find me on, to get the word out if they do harm me it was NOT self inflicted. Nor was it any of my “friends”, purely my family. I am not #bipolar but I may deal with borderline as well.. Another story. Please just help me, relax if u can and be compassionate to everyone. My heart hurts. #MunchausenSyndrome #MentalHealth #OtherMentalHealth #help

7 people are talking about this
Community Voices

continuation continuation... (per last posts)

I take back my previous post when I said I wasn’t gay. I’m starting to believe that the abuse started because of my prejudice family. I’ve always been attracted to women and called myself bisexual, but lately I just haven’t been into labels. I would say that i’m leaning more toward women these days and maybe that’s why the abuse is just multiplying. My grandparents who raised me were heavy in the church and my mom literally threw the bible at me when she found out i had a fling with a girl in high school (though she only goes to church on holidays). Im stressed and running on 3 hours of sleep; I didn’t sleep last night until 6 am and have been having my sleep interrupted on purpose so forgive me pls ❤️ #Gay

Community Voices

My #mother has munchausen. My grandma has it too as well as my aunt who lives with her and i’m currently living in the same home as my grandmother and aunt (with her daughter as well who i also suspect has it so much worse). I am terrified they will kill me due to stress so I’m writing this just in case I don’t make it out, but I’m confident I will i’m just terrified. I’m 26 https://y.o and have been being abused my entire life. I have no friends, no one I can talk to. My mom turned my brothers against me and my entire family acts as if they hate me and I don’t have time to figure out who really does or who doesn’t. I got diagnosed with bipolar 2 as u can see per my last posts. It’s been a long time since I posted anything because I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on with me. I also feel guilty, like I conspired with my mother to trick people, but truth be told I had no clue what I was doing. Certain things people have said to me have stuck with me over the years such as “u have no clue what ur doing do u?” and I absolutely did not. I don’t have much street smarts and I have a mother who was unfortunately raised by the streets and abused as a child as well. She also has a husband, R*y, who enables/brainwashed her entirely to the point where I don’t even think she’s realized how far gone she is. I’m terrified my family will harm me because I’m done playing their game. I’m going to move without letting anyone know and I’m going to go get real help. Im tired, drained, depleted and only by Gods grace am I still breathing and I know that. I walked around for the past 2 years thinking I was something I was not (bipolar), making a fool of myself. I genuinely believed there was a reason I had no one, but I had to be real with myself and say that I genuinely believe I exaggerated my symptoms and that was because I just wanted to KNOW something. I just knew there was an explanation for my behavior and I just KNEW my family wanted what was best for me... But as I started to actually listen to the universe (as cliche as that sounds) I realized there is no way I can be bipolar. I’ve been being played by everyone around me. I have never been a violent person in my life (correct me if i’m wrong pls, I don’t want to offend) nor did I ever have any real delusions like I was Queen or anything bc thank God my mother didn’t have to feign that illness for me. Thank God for my heart and self awareness; I truly thank God because without it I would be lost forever. My body knows something is wrong. I’m terrified of the slightest noise, laughs etc. and it’s all because of my family. When I am feeling really really low and I do mean suicidal, my family will “throw me a bone”. The other day my aunt said something about prejudice people after a man almost made me cry in a parking lot the other day and I instantly thought ? She was reffering to me being gay which I am not, which let me know she’s in on it too. I’m writing this because if ANYTHING happens to me, it was them

4 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Munchausen by Proxy

so i’m about 100% certain i may have munchausen by proxy. i thought i was bipolar for a long time now and I know now that I am not or if I am that isn’t my main problem so to speak. i’ve noticed my parents keep me on a schedule with loud noises and have been since we were children (my siblings and i). at one point my mom would bang on walls it seemed like at a certain time every day then when i caught on she stopped and hasn’t in some months actually. by doing this she’s caused me to show SEVERE OCD symptoms. when i’m out in public i’m now unable to make eye contact/ be “normal” bc im waiting on a her to make a sound. idk how to get this properly diagnosed? help. #MunchausenSyndrome #MunchausenSyndromebyProxy #Misdiagnosis #MentalHealth #ChildAbuse

5 people are talking about this
Community Voices

continuation of my last post...

The ending sounded really dramatic and I am trying my absolute hardest to be “real” but in my head it still comes off as i’m seeking attention, but I guess I am. This time for real for real, i’m breaking and I’m fearing for my life. I just spoke with a therapist (social worker on Doctor on Demand) yesterday and she immediately just suggested I pack a bag and look into shelter. I know it sounds very simple, but trust when I say this disease is very complex and there is not much u can do when even a pen dropping leads to stress and a headache. I need help and I know i’m not strong enough to have the right discernment to find people to help me/make friends with along the way so i’m terrified. I can’t stress that enough that they are trying to kill me. My heart feels pulled on everyday, i’m leaving tomorrow to save myself. Please pray for me, please? I’m not very self aware nor do I have any street smarts so me being on the street which I will be is giving me extreme anxiety. I fear for my health & my life. Can someone please pray to or talk to me? This is not an attention seeking post, this is a real cry for help! I’m posting on any social media outlet that I don’t think my family will find me on, to get the word out if they do harm me it was NOT self inflicted. Nor was it any of my “friends”, purely my family. I am not #bipolar but I may deal with borderline as well.. Another story. Please just help me, relax if u can and be compassionate to everyone. My heart hurts. #MunchausenSyndrome #MentalHealth #OtherMentalHealth #help

7 people are talking about this