Sammie

@murrkup
Community Voices

“You’re not alone” … actually I am 😂

Genuinely suprised my first posts received any response at all, going forward please don’t feel like that’s at all what I’m going for here… I’m dumping my emotional baggage here publicly to honour my sincere feelings of pure disgust for myself because I have to pretend every day of my life to appear even just mildly okay.

That being said, your responses I know come from a good place, I’m just trying to forwarn you that I would actually prefer no support as it’s never once made any difference in how I see myself. I’ve had 100 therapists and have given up on that too! CBT, DBT, Meditation and the whole 9 yards… I’ve tried as much as I can, changed medications like 5 times… 😂 It’s comical. The sooner I accept defeat the less I have to feel the horrible pain of disappointment on top of all the other shit.

So, please let me dump, and leave me be. I feel that’s what’s best for me. Thank you so much.

1 person is talking about this
Community Voices

I’m tired of myself. #Selfhate

I’ve pushed everyone away. Not because I want to…I just felt I’d do them a favour and make it easy to leave me behind. I can’t stand the feeling of not being okay it causing everyone around me to roll their eyes and sigh in frustration. It’s easier this way you know? For them at least. And it’s not like I have a lot of people in my life anyway… lol. There’s a wonderful man whom I adore that has come into my life… I’m counting down the seconds until he leaves and am contemplating Sabatoging the relationship in an effort to save him from the headache that is me and all of my mental instability. A lot of people would never guess I’m so screwed up, or that I hate every day I have to exist. I try for them mostly. Because it’s exhausting having to validate and carry my mood everywhere they go.

Anyway. I’m in an all time low place. It’s scary…

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Community Voices

I’m new here!

Hi, my name is Sammie. I have chronic depression, severely low self esteem and deeply hate who I am.

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