Nancy

@nancywb
Community Voices

If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?

<p>If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?</p>
10 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Mid-week check-in: How has your week been so far?

<p>Mid-week check-in: How has your week been so far?</p>
36 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Good old fashioned depression

My depression has me by the throat. It takes monumental effort just to hit the keys on the keyboard. Add physical pain to that - aside that which comes from the depression - and I just want to go back to bed. I want to force myself to do something productive but I know that gets me into trouble sometimes too - that's how I get so collapse-on-the-kitchen-floor exhausted. Also add suicidal ideation and it makes for a very "uncomfortable" place to be in. And there is stuff going on late this afternoon - I don't know what to do about it. I didn't want to make a phone call to one of my "go-to" people but maybe it's in order. It's either that or bury my head in the pillows.

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Community Voices

Think about a difficult situation you went through recently. What did you learn?

<p>Think about a difficult situation you went through recently. What did you learn?</p>
23 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Tough weekend, tough therapy session

Sorry I ramble on so much.

I have been feeling so depressed that my body and mind just ache and ache. I feel like dead weight. I haven’t been sleeping well either and that helps absolutely nothing. My PTSD-centered therapy of nearly three years has been intense overall but we have entered into another “super intense” phase.

My therapist and I are looking again at specific memories and trying to focus more on the feeling aspect as well as my thought process. Today I discovered one way that I learned to label myself “worthless.” The whole thing has ripped my heart out and has been a little bit of an “Oh, my God” moment. I actually got to the point of saying “it wasn’t my fault.” I was the one who got into trouble – my perpetrator wasn’t even approached. As a 14-year-old, my needs for safety and protection were not met even when those needs should have been shining like a neon sign. I took my cues from others – at that age I had no other frame of reference – and what was seen on the outside (which was definitely not the whole picture but there were definite snapshots) was treated like it was “no big deal” so I didn’t think it was. I stayed in the role as victim even though I had no clue anything was wrong. And things got worse.

My therapist put this into Cognitive Processing Therapy terms before I left his office today. He came up with a stuck point that I’m having trouble with. “If people don’t respond to my needs, I am worthless.” It makes me sound so needy. As a 14-year-old, I wasn’t ABLE to be responsible for all of my needs though. Or was I? But that question bumps against the idea that it was my fault, doesn’t it? It’s so confusing!! And I know now, as a woman in my 50s, I AM responsible for meeting my own needs and don’t equate others not responding to them as a sign that I am worthless. At least not for the most part.

He told me to change my stuck point to something that feels better but I’m not sure what fits. And…truth be told…if I took what he gave me or came up with something else, I would then have to attempt a try at the worksheets. I know there is avoidance in there. I am in so much pain I don’t know if I can do it on my own.

I hate this.

#PTSD #CPTSD #Therapy #cpt #cognitiveprocessingtherapy #Depression #Anxiety

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Community Voices

Online therapy or in person therapy. Which do you prefer?

<p>Online therapy or in person therapy. Which do you prefer?</p>
19 people are talking about this
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Another tough night

I feel so depressed. Not the "I'm blue" kind of feeling but just depressed and deflated. My anxiety is so high that I took my bedtime anti-anxiety medication early. I feel like all of the energy and life has been sucked out of me. I'm on my bed with my clothes surrounding me that need to be folded and hung and I just want to sink down in my pillows and die. I'm worried about my therapy appointment tomorrow too so that doesn't help. I just feel lost. I suppose the best thing to do is force myself to get ready for bed and just put my clothes aside for yet another day. But just moving is hard because I feel so paralzyed. My soul is just aching for some relief.

10 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Another tough night

I feel so depressed. Not the "I'm blue" kind of feeling but just depressed and deflated. My anxiety is so high that I took my bedtime anti-anxiety medication early. I feel like all of the energy and life has been sucked out of me. I'm on my bed with my clothes surrounding me that need to be folded and hung and I just want to sink down in my pillows and die. I'm worried about my therapy appointment tomorrow too so that doesn't help. I just feel lost. I suppose the best thing to do is force myself to get ready for bed and just put my clothes aside for yet another day. But just moving is hard because I feel so paralzyed. My soul is just aching for some relief.

10 people are talking about this
Community Voices

What are you angry about right now and how are you working through it?

<p>What are you angry about right now and how are you working through it?</p>
77 people are talking about this
Community Voices

What does your anxiety sound, look, and feel like to you?

<p>What does your <a href="https://themighty.com/topic/anxiety/?label=anxiety" class="tm-embed-link  tm-autolink health-map" data-id="5b23ce5f00553f33fe98d1b4" data-name="anxiety" title="anxiety" target="_blank">anxiety</a> sound, look, and feel like to you?</p>
39 people are talking about this