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@p0larity
I am done being a victim.
Community Voices

Bingeing again

Tw: bingeing ?

I just binge ate again. My stomach hurts because it is so full. I have started a new no added/artificial sugar and low carb lifestyle. I don’t consider it a diet because it is something permanent and not a fad or intended for weight loss. Diabetes runs in my family and I have a really bad sugar addiction. I consume candy and sweets in such excess and until I make myself sick. I am doing low carb because carbs turn into sugar in the body. It’s been almost a week and I still crave some kinds of sugar but mostly bread.

Anyways, I think I binge ate because one: I stayed up too late. That’s a MAJOR trigger. I could largely avoid my binge eating if I would just go tf to sleep sooner. The problem with that is I am a huge night owl and it feels like my only true alone time for some reason even though I have all day to myself lately. Idk. It’s complicated. But anyways the second trigger I think may be stress from well work but also from my mom.

My mother decided to randomly tell me at dinner (at a public restaurant in front of family) that I’m just “not very creative, I don’t like strive to be creative and do creative things…like I (my mom) do”. This is not uncommon behavior for her. She often just insults me for not reason at all and it is seemingly random, although I’m sure it is not. I mean who the fuck says that shit to their kid?

And besides it’s not even kind of true. I literally sing and play ukulele and a bit of piano. I can draw. And I do pointillism really well. I just have no motivation to do these things due to stress, depression, and ADHD. And like, she never does anything creative so i dont know what tf she is talking about. She is always comparing us. It is always a competition. I wonder if she is histrionic sometimes.

She also got drunk at the restaurant and walked around the grocery store drunk. This was a huge stressor for me. I hate being around her like that.

#PTSD #ChildhoodAbuse #BingeEatingDisorder #EatingDisorders #MentalHealth

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Bingeing again

Tw: bingeing ?

I just binge ate again. My stomach hurts because it is so full. I have started a new no added/artificial sugar and low carb lifestyle. I don’t consider it a diet because it is something permanent and not a fad or intended for weight loss. Diabetes runs in my family and I have a really bad sugar addiction. I consume candy and sweets in such excess and until I make myself sick. I am doing low carb because carbs turn into sugar in the body. It’s been almost a week and I still crave some kinds of sugar but mostly bread.

Anyways, I think I binge ate because one: I stayed up too late. That’s a MAJOR trigger. I could largely avoid my binge eating if I would just go tf to sleep sooner. The problem with that is I am a huge night owl and it feels like my only true alone time for some reason even though I have all day to myself lately. Idk. It’s complicated. But anyways the second trigger I think may be stress from well work but also from my mom.

My mother decided to randomly tell me at dinner (at a public restaurant in front of family) that I’m just “not very creative, I don’t like strive to be creative and do creative things…like I (my mom) do”. This is not uncommon behavior for her. She often just insults me for not reason at all and it is seemingly random, although I’m sure it is not. I mean who the fuck says that shit to their kid?

And besides it’s not even kind of true. I literally sing and play ukulele and a bit of piano. I can draw. And I do pointillism really well. I just have no motivation to do these things due to stress, depression, and ADHD. And like, she never does anything creative so i dont know what tf she is talking about. She is always comparing us. It is always a competition. I wonder if she is histrionic sometimes.

She also got drunk at the restaurant and walked around the grocery store drunk. This was a huge stressor for me. I hate being around her like that.

#PTSD #ChildhoodAbuse #BingeEatingDisorder #EatingDisorders #MentalHealth

14 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Bingeing again

Tw: bingeing ?

I just binge ate again. My stomach hurts because it is so full. I have started a new no added/artificial sugar and low carb lifestyle. I don’t consider it a diet because it is something permanent and not a fad or intended for weight loss. Diabetes runs in my family and I have a really bad sugar addiction. I consume candy and sweets in such excess and until I make myself sick. I am doing low carb because carbs turn into sugar in the body. It’s been almost a week and I still crave some kinds of sugar but mostly bread.

Anyways, I think I binge ate because one: I stayed up too late. That’s a MAJOR trigger. I could largely avoid my binge eating if I would just go tf to sleep sooner. The problem with that is I am a huge night owl and it feels like my only true alone time for some reason even though I have all day to myself lately. Idk. It’s complicated. But anyways the second trigger I think may be stress from well work but also from my mom.

My mother decided to randomly tell me at dinner (at a public restaurant in front of family) that I’m just “not very creative, I don’t like strive to be creative and do creative things…like I (my mom) do”. This is not uncommon behavior for her. She often just insults me for not reason at all and it is seemingly random, although I’m sure it is not. I mean who the fuck says that shit to their kid?

And besides it’s not even kind of true. I literally sing and play ukulele and a bit of piano. I can draw. And I do pointillism really well. I just have no motivation to do these things due to stress, depression, and ADHD. And like, she never does anything creative so i dont know what tf she is talking about. She is always comparing us. It is always a competition. I wonder if she is histrionic sometimes.

She also got drunk at the restaurant and walked around the grocery store drunk. This was a huge stressor for me. I hate being around her like that.

#PTSD #ChildhoodAbuse #BingeEatingDisorder #EatingDisorders #MentalHealth

14 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Bingeing again

Tw: bingeing ?

I just binge ate again. My stomach hurts because it is so full. I have started a new no added/artificial sugar and low carb lifestyle. I don’t consider it a diet because it is something permanent and not a fad or intended for weight loss. Diabetes runs in my family and I have a really bad sugar addiction. I consume candy and sweets in such excess and until I make myself sick. I am doing low carb because carbs turn into sugar in the body. It’s been almost a week and I still crave some kinds of sugar but mostly bread.

Anyways, I think I binge ate because one: I stayed up too late. That’s a MAJOR trigger. I could largely avoid my binge eating if I would just go tf to sleep sooner. The problem with that is I am a huge night owl and it feels like my only true alone time for some reason even though I have all day to myself lately. Idk. It’s complicated. But anyways the second trigger I think may be stress from well work but also from my mom.

My mother decided to randomly tell me at dinner (at a public restaurant in front of family) that I’m just “not very creative, I don’t like strive to be creative and do creative things…like I (my mom) do”. This is not uncommon behavior for her. She often just insults me for not reason at all and it is seemingly random, although I’m sure it is not. I mean who the fuck says that shit to their kid?

And besides it’s not even kind of true. I literally sing and play ukulele and a bit of piano. I can draw. And I do pointillism really well. I just have no motivation to do these things due to stress, depression, and ADHD. And like, she never does anything creative so i dont know what tf she is talking about. She is always comparing us. It is always a competition. I wonder if she is histrionic sometimes.

She also got drunk at the restaurant and walked around the grocery store drunk. This was a huge stressor for me. I hate being around her like that.

#PTSD #ChildhoodAbuse #BingeEatingDisorder #EatingDisorders #MentalHealth

14 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Bingeing again

Tw: bingeing ?

I just binge ate again. My stomach hurts because it is so full. I have started a new no added/artificial sugar and low carb lifestyle. I don’t consider it a diet because it is something permanent and not a fad or intended for weight loss. Diabetes runs in my family and I have a really bad sugar addiction. I consume candy and sweets in such excess and until I make myself sick. I am doing low carb because carbs turn into sugar in the body. It’s been almost a week and I still crave some kinds of sugar but mostly bread.

Anyways, I think I binge ate because one: I stayed up too late. That’s a MAJOR trigger. I could largely avoid my binge eating if I would just go tf to sleep sooner. The problem with that is I am a huge night owl and it feels like my only true alone time for some reason even though I have all day to myself lately. Idk. It’s complicated. But anyways the second trigger I think may be stress from well work but also from my mom.

My mother decided to randomly tell me at dinner (at a public restaurant in front of family) that I’m just “not very creative, I don’t like strive to be creative and do creative things…like I (my mom) do”. This is not uncommon behavior for her. She often just insults me for not reason at all and it is seemingly random, although I’m sure it is not. I mean who the fuck says that shit to their kid?

And besides it’s not even kind of true. I literally sing and play ukulele and a bit of piano. I can draw. And I do pointillism really well. I just have no motivation to do these things due to stress, depression, and ADHD. And like, she never does anything creative so i dont know what tf she is talking about. She is always comparing us. It is always a competition. I wonder if she is histrionic sometimes.

She also got drunk at the restaurant and walked around the grocery store drunk. This was a huge stressor for me. I hate being around her like that.

#PTSD #ChildhoodAbuse #BingeEatingDisorder #EatingDisorders #MentalHealth

14 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Bingeing again

Tw: bingeing ?

I just binge ate again. My stomach hurts because it is so full. I have started a new no added/artificial sugar and low carb lifestyle. I don’t consider it a diet because it is something permanent and not a fad or intended for weight loss. Diabetes runs in my family and I have a really bad sugar addiction. I consume candy and sweets in such excess and until I make myself sick. I am doing low carb because carbs turn into sugar in the body. It’s been almost a week and I still crave some kinds of sugar but mostly bread.

Anyways, I think I binge ate because one: I stayed up too late. That’s a MAJOR trigger. I could largely avoid my binge eating if I would just go tf to sleep sooner. The problem with that is I am a huge night owl and it feels like my only true alone time for some reason even though I have all day to myself lately. Idk. It’s complicated. But anyways the second trigger I think may be stress from well work but also from my mom.

My mother decided to randomly tell me at dinner (at a public restaurant in front of family) that I’m just “not very creative, I don’t like strive to be creative and do creative things…like I (my mom) do”. This is not uncommon behavior for her. She often just insults me for not reason at all and it is seemingly random, although I’m sure it is not. I mean who the fuck says that shit to their kid?

And besides it’s not even kind of true. I literally sing and play ukulele and a bit of piano. I can draw. And I do pointillism really well. I just have no motivation to do these things due to stress, depression, and ADHD. And like, she never does anything creative so i dont know what tf she is talking about. She is always comparing us. It is always a competition. I wonder if she is histrionic sometimes.

She also got drunk at the restaurant and walked around the grocery store drunk. This was a huge stressor for me. I hate being around her like that.

#PTSD #ChildhoodAbuse #BingeEatingDisorder #EatingDisorders #MentalHealth

14 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Bingeing again

Tw: bingeing ?

I just binge ate again. My stomach hurts because it is so full. I have started a new no added/artificial sugar and low carb lifestyle. I don’t consider it a diet because it is something permanent and not a fad or intended for weight loss. Diabetes runs in my family and I have a really bad sugar addiction. I consume candy and sweets in such excess and until I make myself sick. I am doing low carb because carbs turn into sugar in the body. It’s been almost a week and I still crave some kinds of sugar but mostly bread.

Anyways, I think I binge ate because one: I stayed up too late. That’s a MAJOR trigger. I could largely avoid my binge eating if I would just go tf to sleep sooner. The problem with that is I am a huge night owl and it feels like my only true alone time for some reason even though I have all day to myself lately. Idk. It’s complicated. But anyways the second trigger I think may be stress from well work but also from my mom.

My mother decided to randomly tell me at dinner (at a public restaurant in front of family) that I’m just “not very creative, I don’t like strive to be creative and do creative things…like I (my mom) do”. This is not uncommon behavior for her. She often just insults me for not reason at all and it is seemingly random, although I’m sure it is not. I mean who the fuck says that shit to their kid?

And besides it’s not even kind of true. I literally sing and play ukulele and a bit of piano. I can draw. And I do pointillism really well. I just have no motivation to do these things due to stress, depression, and ADHD. And like, she never does anything creative so i dont know what tf she is talking about. She is always comparing us. It is always a competition. I wonder if she is histrionic sometimes.

She also got drunk at the restaurant and walked around the grocery store drunk. This was a huge stressor for me. I hate being around her like that.

#PTSD #ChildhoodAbuse #BingeEatingDisorder #EatingDisorders #MentalHealth

14 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Bingeing again

Tw: bingeing ?

I just binge ate again. My stomach hurts because it is so full. I have started a new no added/artificial sugar and low carb lifestyle. I don’t consider it a diet because it is something permanent and not a fad or intended for weight loss. Diabetes runs in my family and I have a really bad sugar addiction. I consume candy and sweets in such excess and until I make myself sick. I am doing low carb because carbs turn into sugar in the body. It’s been almost a week and I still crave some kinds of sugar but mostly bread.

Anyways, I think I binge ate because one: I stayed up too late. That’s a MAJOR trigger. I could largely avoid my binge eating if I would just go tf to sleep sooner. The problem with that is I am a huge night owl and it feels like my only true alone time for some reason even though I have all day to myself lately. Idk. It’s complicated. But anyways the second trigger I think may be stress from well work but also from my mom.

My mother decided to randomly tell me at dinner (at a public restaurant in front of family) that I’m just “not very creative, I don’t like strive to be creative and do creative things…like I (my mom) do”. This is not uncommon behavior for her. She often just insults me for not reason at all and it is seemingly random, although I’m sure it is not. I mean who the fuck says that shit to their kid?

And besides it’s not even kind of true. I literally sing and play ukulele and a bit of piano. I can draw. And I do pointillism really well. I just have no motivation to do these things due to stress, depression, and ADHD. And like, she never does anything creative so i dont know what tf she is talking about. She is always comparing us. It is always a competition. I wonder if she is histrionic sometimes.

She also got drunk at the restaurant and walked around the grocery store drunk. This was a huge stressor for me. I hate being around her like that.

#PTSD #ChildhoodAbuse #BingeEatingDisorder #EatingDisorders #MentalHealth

14 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Bingeing again

Tw: bingeing ?

I just binge ate again. My stomach hurts because it is so full. I have started a new no added/artificial sugar and low carb lifestyle. I don’t consider it a diet because it is something permanent and not a fad or intended for weight loss. Diabetes runs in my family and I have a really bad sugar addiction. I consume candy and sweets in such excess and until I make myself sick. I am doing low carb because carbs turn into sugar in the body. It’s been almost a week and I still crave some kinds of sugar but mostly bread.

Anyways, I think I binge ate because one: I stayed up too late. That’s a MAJOR trigger. I could largely avoid my binge eating if I would just go tf to sleep sooner. The problem with that is I am a huge night owl and it feels like my only true alone time for some reason even though I have all day to myself lately. Idk. It’s complicated. But anyways the second trigger I think may be stress from well work but also from my mom.

My mother decided to randomly tell me at dinner (at a public restaurant in front of family) that I’m just “not very creative, I don’t like strive to be creative and do creative things…like I (my mom) do”. This is not uncommon behavior for her. She often just insults me for not reason at all and it is seemingly random, although I’m sure it is not. I mean who the fuck says that shit to their kid?

And besides it’s not even kind of true. I literally sing and play ukulele and a bit of piano. I can draw. And I do pointillism really well. I just have no motivation to do these things due to stress, depression, and ADHD. And like, she never does anything creative so i dont know what tf she is talking about. She is always comparing us. It is always a competition. I wonder if she is histrionic sometimes.

She also got drunk at the restaurant and walked around the grocery store drunk. This was a huge stressor for me. I hate being around her like that.

#PTSD #ChildhoodAbuse #BingeEatingDisorder #EatingDisorders #MentalHealth

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Back and forth

I am exhausted by the back and forth I have been doing between my parents. I cannot determine whether my mother is a narcissist and a matyr or if my father is a total fucking sociopath.

My parents both have totally different perspectives on each other. My mother tells such hideous and disturbing stories of abuse from my father. My father has rarely ever painted my mother in a negative light. He occasionally will say things like, “your mother is a bit self absorbed, and that’s okay, that’s just how she is” for example. But that’s as far as he goes.

He was certainly abusive to me growing up. But we have a really good relationship now. I still don’t know whether to trust him. He seems genuine and consistent with his actions. He makes an effort to spend quality
Time with me and my mother really does not. My father has always been a considerate person and plenty of times would take my side in arguments with my mom.

My mother is selfish in that she often does not think of others and makes decisions that damage others and literally does not comprehend why that’s wrong. For example taking multiple credit cards out with me as an authorized user and having lots of debt on them and not paying them regularly and ruining my credit. My credit score was once about 540. I am still building it back up.

I don’t know who to believe or trust and the idea of not being able to trust either is frankly to hard for my to accept. But I think that’s the reality.

#PTSD #CPTSD #MentalHealth #Trauma #ChildhoodAbuse #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors

4 people are talking about this