Ken M

Twin brother, husband, dad. ❤ Hemorrhagic stroke, chronic pain (fractured skull, vertebrae (T4, T12, L1) spinal arthritis), suicide, near death, trauma, survivor. ✊ Public library champion ???? jazz, blues, rock and roll, soul, funk, heavy metal fan ???? Horror, sci-fi, silent film fan ????
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Taco Tuesday

I made tacos for dinner and just finished cleaning the kitchen. My entre body is numb from pain.

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I am at home most of the time. I don't have a job, so I'm at home with our 14 year old daughter who takes classes online. Housework inevitably lands in my lap. Housework takes me longer than it probably should.

Today, I have cleaned out the cat's litter box, emptied, washed and rinsed and dried, and filled back up. I took out kitchen scraps for composting and have dishes to deal with.

As I tap this out on my tablet, the sharp paint in my back shoots down both of my legs. The pain is the exact same pain that I felt when a spinal surgeon put a needle into my spine.

My wife is at work and I feel like I owe her this, despite my months of working with three fractured vertebrae resulting in degenerative disc disease.

My mum was right, housework is a job that nobody notices unless you DON'T do it. #Housework #housekeeping

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Looking for work.

January 11, I took a phone call about a job that I applied for. I was excited because this was a job that I could do well. The job was listing items for sale online. I had been listing items for sale online since 2008. Despite my being a perfect match for the job, my disability became a silent problem but this time it was not alone.

I spoke to great lengths of my work experience selling items online, both personally and professionally. I have sold cargo trailers, a truck, comic books, clothing, pet supplies and more online. I have been successful in raising money to pay medical bills this way. I have had no training, I just did it because I had no choice.

I have used social media websites and apps as well as buy and sell websites and apps. I have sold using the websites and apps that I was asked about and ones that they had not heard of. My technical skills were a perfect match for what they were looking for.

The interview then shifted to my cover letter, specifically my ability to lift 50 pounds. I said that I could move this much weight but a spinal cord injury limited my ability . Later, I expressed my ability to work with different people. I said that I have worked with many different generations of age. I am 49 but I have worked with other people who are younger and older than I am.

After a week. I got in touch to see what was happening in regards to the job. I was told that they are "going in a different direction." The sense of defeat has been incredible. It again feels like the fight is as futile as controlling the pain and depression.

#Ableism #Ageism #Job

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I'm done.

I am alone.
I don't need social media to remind me I'm alone.
I don't need messaging apps to remind me that nobody wants to talk to me.

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Will the sadness kill me? # #Depression #sad

My deep depression is back. It's been days, how many I don't know, with this feeling of a sadness so overwhelming that I can barely move.

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What item brings you comfort?

<p>What item brings you comfort?</p>
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How does your health condition/disability affect your ability to work?

<p>How does your health condition/disability affect your ability to work?</p>
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