Tohu va-Vohu86

@saes86
I have a background of abuse, neglect, and substance abuse. I was diagnosed with PTSD in my early 20s and have fought hard to heal, but I am currently feeling lost. In Ancient Near Eastern cultures, the primordial state of the universe was imagined as chaotic waters. Through the last 20 years or so, therapy, medication, education, faith, and at times legalism have been mirages of land that I have crawled onto, hoping for safety and shelter only to have what I thought was solid ground turn back into churning waves beneath me. So I again find myself treading water, this time with no land in sight.
Community Voices

Thank You

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone on the Mighty community. There are many days when I get trapped in the narrative that I am the only one struggling. I feel both shame and isolation. But when I come to this website I see that I am not alone. Others are putting one foot in front of the other too. So thank you for sharing your struggles and offering others empathy, support, and encouragement in your comments.

Community Voices

Acknowledgement

I was watching a TV show, and the episode was about a cop that was killed. During the investigation, they find out another cop had raped a girl. The detective in charge of solving the murder apologized to the grandfather for what his granddaughter had to endure. He said, "I am very sorry that your granddaughter had to endure such suffering." I started to cry when I heard those words. Not one person has ever said this to me. Not one. I started crying because it is something I have wanted to hear for so long. Everyone in my life just wants me to get over the rape and abuse. They want me to stop bringing up the past. And all I want is for the past to be acknowledged.

5 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Stuck

I am stuck in my therapy. I cannot get past that I could be abused sexually by 4 different people and I did not do something about it. My therapist tells me it is not my fault and I did nothing to make them abuse me. I just can't believe that. How could 4 people abuse me without me doing something. I hate myself. I can't remember doing anything to provoke it. How did you all move past the feeling you did something to make the abuser abuse you?
#Depression
#Anxiety
#PTSD

12 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Acknowledgement

I was watching a TV show, and the episode was about a cop that was killed. During the investigation, they find out another cop had raped a girl. The detective in charge of solving the murder apologized to the grandfather for what his granddaughter had to endure. He said, "I am very sorry that your granddaughter had to endure such suffering." I started to cry when I heard those words. Not one person has ever said this to me. Not one. I started crying because it is something I have wanted to hear for so long. Everyone in my life just wants me to get over the rape and abuse. They want me to stop bringing up the past. And all I want is for the past to be acknowledged.

5 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Question to the Mighty Community

<p>Question to the Mighty Community</p>
2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Question to the Mighty Community

<p>Question to the Mighty Community</p>
2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Acknowledgement

I was watching a TV show, and the episode was about a cop that was killed. During the investigation, they find out another cop had raped a girl. The detective in charge of solving the murder apologized to the grandfather for what his granddaughter had to endure. He said, "I am very sorry that your granddaughter had to endure such suffering." I started to cry when I heard those words. Not one person has ever said this to me. Not one. I started crying because it is something I have wanted to hear for so long. Everyone in my life just wants me to get over the rape and abuse. They want me to stop bringing up the past. And all I want is for the past to be acknowledged.

5 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Share the rose, bud, and thorn from your week.

<p>Share the rose, bud, and thorn from your week.</p>
53 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Today has been hard

My grandmother, who lived with us, died of cancer when I was 15. My father died when I was 16. My mother died of cancer in 2017. My brother died at the end of 2020. My niece tried to commit suicide in 2021. A friend of mine was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer two months ago and yesterday I found out that another friend of mine's cancer may have come back. I miss those that are gone so much and I'm finding myself preparing for the deaths of those that are still alive. I'm only 36 but I'm wondering who in my life will be left? Shouldn’t there be a quota on how many people one person can lose? I feel like I can’t catch my breathe or grieve one person before another one dies.

Community Voices

Advice/Personal Experience Filing for Disability

Hello to everyone on The Mighty!

I have been advised to start the process of applying for disability. I have PTSD, and the most significant factor impacting my ability to work is insomnia. My parents put me on sleeping medication as a child, and when I hit my mid-30s, my body didn't respond to them anymore. I went through 9 months last year, where I slept roughly 45 minutes every three days. Suffice it to say, I was not functional during that time and could not work. After detoxing from sleep meds, my body started responding to Xanax, and it has helped, but my prescribing doctor retired at the beginning of this year. Though I am in the process, I have not been able to find another psychiatrist yet, and frankly don't see benzodiazepines or sleeping medication as a long-term solution anymore. I want to work through my trauma and sleep on my own if possible. I have been tapering my dose of Xanax slowly, and so far, I've still been able to sleep, but my last refill will run out soon. I attempted to sleep without medication a few weeks ago, and it didn't work. It also brought a domino effect of panic attacks, flashbacks, and dissociation. If I cannot sleep again, I won't be able to work, and I need income and medical insurance. I have been told that applying for disability can be lengthy and that I should start now while I am functional. Have any of you gone through the process of applying for disability? If so, would you be willing to share your experience and any advice you may have? I appreciate any help you can provide. #Insomnia #PTSD #Disability #Insurance #selfcare

4 people are talking about this