In my blog ( don’t recall which one- did not look it up- np if someone asks me to do so- I will oblige.). I stated my mother contacted one of my siblings to take me to the hospital because she couldn’t handle me sitting and laying down while I processed my prior hospitalization (s). It had been a period of abt 3 wks. Essentially my mom kicked me out of her house.
Well, in the end - I think maybe you would say it worked out. I never returned to live at my mom’s house after that- would come only for visits.
From the hospital I was placed in a rehab environment. The place was full of cockroaches, but I had food and shelter. After a short stint ( maybe a few wks, months - I don’t recall) there I was able to move to my own apartment ( in a rebab bldg. ) The apartment was nice I remember. My mom visited and was supportive. She was there for me every step of the way and continued to do so until I eventually moved into my own apartment. In my own apartment my mom continued to help me while I worked part time until I eventually worked full time abt 6 mos later.
My mom never understood my illness ( at the time the drs said I had schizophrenia) I felt she never took the time to understand. But, she was there to drive me anywhere I needed to go. Took an active part in the rehab process including family therapy. ( to these sessions my mom who was up in age had to endure heavy city traffic and find spots to park- w no one to help her) . But, my mom always came to every session.
I , at times, would find fault w my mom. I had serious anger issues w her. But, as I got older I realized she was fighting off her own depression. My dad had died young - 66- now that I am 71- I see that as young. And my dad had been sick for 16 yrs prior. My mom had to manage her 6 kids( though we were grown) , and numerous grandchildren, pretty much by herself. In that group were 2 devastating divorces as well as my illness.
My mom allowed one of my other sisters and her 2 preschool children to live w her after one of the divorces. My sister’s x husband left her next to nothing. My sister lived w my mom until she could afford her own place. My sister eventually purchased a house. My sister lived w my mom for 5 yrs.
Though sometimes I still fight in my mind w what could have been different- I realize that my mom kicking me out of her house was one of the best things that she could have done. Most likey - the best.
There were other times my mom would ask my sisters to put me in a the hospital- other times when I was only just processing- the time my mom kicked me out of her house wasnt I the only time. My family must have felt the hospital was best. I would say now they did not know any better as well as they could not tolerate ( unlike my husband) any different.
Each hospitalization was horrible for me. I am very sensitive - each hospitalization- words cannot express how I felt when I was hospitalized, but to say- worse than horrible- I hated it, dreaded it and never wanted to go back.
But, I survived- I made decisions accordingly. I prevailed. One such time when I felt I was on the brink of being hospitalized- I instead moved in w my husband who was my then boyfriend. I think today it turned out a good decision.
My mom did the best she could. If I had had my own children and had a son/ daughter w an illness I question if I could have managed as well.
My mom went on to move into a retirement community herself as she aged. ( 87) is She realized she could not live in her home (even though she had downsized) w/o bothering her children, grandchildren. She seemed to be happy in her retirement home as she made friends & partook in variou activities the retirement home had to offer its residents. My mom seemingly thrived. It looked to me my mom was happy. She was taking care of herself- she was independent.
My mom was in a retirement home for over 14 1/2 yrs. Though the retirement home she lived in was quite costly and one my husband and I could not ( ever) afford- my mom did well. I only hope I could be so selfless. I don’t know that I could.
My mom had her kids grandchildren and great grandchildren visited her more than frequently. Many times my mom would turn us down as we would request a time for a visit. She would have activities/ commitments @ the retirement home that she had plans to attend. I know in my moms own way she would do this -( turn us down) as an effort that her stay at the retirement home would prove a success for her- and also at the same time -to let us know she was fine and that we should instead focus on our own needs. My mom wanted us to find success in every way too.
While my mom was in the retirement home that was when she took the most time w me. I was confused and upset. I had just come from a stay in a nursing home. Maybe the reason my mom could take the time for me then was because now- now that my mom was in a retirement community- safe and independent- now she maybe she finally felt her own needs have been met and she could safely address, focus & listen to mine. It wasn’t long before I went on my way.
Before long I was able to take care of her. Bring her dinners/ lunches my husband and I had cooked for her at my home. Bring her supplies as she could no longer get hers. Act as a caregiver when my mom’s was not on duty. I felt so proud I had started working again and I could pay for my mom’s supplies. When I would walk into the doorway of her apartment and see her perched on her chair leaning over w her sweet cherrie hello calling my name- though I don’t know heaven- I am certain each time I got a slice of it. It was amazing. My mom lived to be over 101 1/2 years young. I miss her so!!
If any one thing I learned from my mom it was the mantra that above all else we must see to it that we take care of ourselves.