Sara Walsh

@sara-walsh | contributor
Sara Walsh is a 32-year-old mother of two young daughters. She’s an attorney and has been married to her husband for five and a half years. She has experienced recurrent pregnancy loss and wants to share her experiences with others to offer support and bring awareness to the grieving process, which is often isolating and devastating.
Sara Walsh

My Young Daughter's Words of Comfort After My Miscarriage

I am grateful, most of the time. I am trying, and I feel incredibly guilty because I have two beautiful, vivacious daughters I love and who love me. But every single day, a new post on social media announces a baby that is due around my due date, and lately, after it. Today I would be 15 weeks pregnant with my twins, and today also marks three weeks since I lost them. I thought I was doing better, but my body has still not recovered (thanks to some post D&C complications) and my soul still feels broken. The emptiness and loss is real, and while I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel — there has to be — I am now in the middle of the empty darkness and my heart feels heavy. Today was a rough day. I decided to take my 3 and a half year old out to run some errands, and I had tears in my eyes while driving. I try not to burden her with my worries, but in a moment of weakness, I blurted out “Why am I so sad?” Without missing a beat, she said, “Mom, you gotta be patient, and you gotta be brave.” From the mouths of babes. The best advice. To what do I owe this blessing? It’s how I often feel about her and her almost two-year-old sister. I know I have a lot in my life for which to be grateful, and each one of us does. How can we focus on the good and tune out the “what could have been?” I am still searching. I am nervous about how I will feel as my due date approaches. If you know someone who has gone through pregnancy loss, please talk to them. Talk to them about their fears, their healing, and their goals. If you have recently had a miscarriage, you do not need to suffer in silence. The pain is like no other, and life goes on all around you. Your journey matters, especially when you are in the middle of the tunnel. I am here with you, and I know one day we won’t feel this way.

Sara Walsh

What I Want Women Who Have Had a Miscarriage to Know

I have been wanting to put pen to paper regarding my feelings on an issue that many women face — many strong, influential and powerful women in my life. Pregnancy loss is devastating, and although women (and men) talk more openly about it than in previous generations, it is still isolating. Women feel that they have to suffer in silence, and their grief must be faced alone. I am in the throes of my grief as I have just experienced my third pregnancy loss. My husband and I found out at our 12-week prenatal appointment that the twins we were expecting had no heartbeats. Unfortunately, this experience is not new to us. We had two miscarriages prior to the birth of our first daughter. Our first pregnancy was an early loss, and our second was, again, discovered at our 12-week appointment. The magnitude of the loss of four babies is overwhelming. Right now it feels like the sadness and the guilt is controlling me, but through my experience, I know that although it will never go away, I will soon gain a better control over it. We are fortunate enough to have two healthy daughters, and I am incredibly grateful. The silver lining to the losses I have faced is I have discovered a network of women who have experienced similar losses; these women give me encouragement, hope and support during the most difficult times. Most of these women have agreed that speaking about their losses, and their grief, have helped them in the grieving process. I have also, unfortunately, heard unsupportive words subsequent to a loss, including “this is not something to be made public; it is a private matter only between a husband and wife.” While I would never attempt to judge another person’s grief, this statement diminishes and devalues the loss a woman is experiencing. If she wants to keep her experience to herself or between herself and her partner, that is her choice. I have been so fortunate to receive phone calls, texts, food, flowers and messages from my closest friends and also from friends that used to be acquaintances but who have now grown into part of my support system. If you are going through this unimaginable experience, you are not alone. Many people care about you and your grief. To those who know someone experiencing a loss, reach out and do not be afraid to offer an ear to listen, even if you have never gone through it. Your support during a difficult time will not be forgotten. The world can be cruel and unfair, but there is beauty and hope in the support and love others have shown me. The smallest and simplest of gestures can brighten a friend’s day, and after going through multiple losses, I have learned taking it one day at a time is the most effective way to move forward. I am hopeful that the future holds more children for me, and I wish the same for all of the women currently suffering the loss of a baby. Lead photo source: Thinkstock Images