I don't know how to get better (BPD)
I just don't know where to turn and I feel like no one is out there to help me.
In London, if you move to another area of London, you are unable to receive the support you had. Or so I have often been told by Drs.
Since moving, I have been unsuccessful in finding support for therapy or medication. I have once again moved home (Renting in London means you frequently move home) and I am, once again, restarting my process for finding help.
I feel like the whole mental health system is gaslighting me haha! But seriously, I often question if I am making it all up? do I actually feel bad? If no one else see's that I need help, does that mean there is nothing wrong?
I am being on anti-depressants that have not worked for me in the past, even thought it has been established that I should instead be on mood stabilizers.
I have been denied support for Talking Therapy Bromley and Oxleas CMHS in Bromley. I had to Change GP and now they are putting me back to the exact same people who have denied me. It feels like a endless circle of disappointment and rejection. I do not have the privilege of paying for my own therapy.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I spend hour crying and feeling abandoned and rejected. I feel like no one could ever understand how I feel because BPD is wild and my emotions are so intense and strong. I also feel like I'm just not worth the time or effort, and that I deserve the neglect that I am receiving.
I don't know how many times I have called every single helpline available: Mind, Samaritans, 111, 999 etc... but nothing.
If anyone has anything, anything at all that could help me, please let me know. I feel myself deteriorating. I feel more depressed than ever. My panic attacks are returning. My scratching and self harm are getting worse. I am struggling with work. I just don't know what to do.
Please, If anyone can help. I need it.