CML Mair

@sisterfate18
Mom, Wife and Warrior
Community Voices

So much stuff!!!

I have been having a really hard time and it’s been a reallly long year for my family.
About me I have Fibro, RA, IC/BPS, sciatica AS, DDD, SpinalFusion spinalstenosis etc..

I have my oldest brother who had a stroke this year. We have always spoken and never had and any issues ( unlike my other siblings that’s another post).

When I was younger my brother more than once sexually assaulted me.
I don’t know if it actually considered that
I was sexually assaulted by my father when I was a child and raped at 15 by an older man.

My brother who is 20 years older than me tried to kiss me on more than one occasion this was when I was in elementary school. He I found out a few years ago was also along with my brothers and my sister were sexually assaulted by my father as well.

So the situation is idkw but after he had his stroke I just couldn’t speak to him.
I did only speak to him because of my mother. I did tell my mother when I was younger and I can only say she made excuses for him and begged me not to not talk to him.

I love my mother very much and we have a very good relationship except for this issue. So I haven’t spoken to him since his stroke and I feel extremely guilty for it.
He has been trying to get in contact with me but I have thwarted contact.

My husband knows and of course he says I should not feel guilty and doesn’t understand why I had been talking to him all these years.
I don’t know if I should say something to my mom who is 85. I don’t think it would do anything but upset her or cause and arguement. Or bother saying anything to my brother. Which idkw I feel bad saying anything which doesn’t make sense.
I know I should have gone to therapy years ago but does anyone have any suggestions how I should proceed in the interim ?

#SexualAbuseSurvivors #SexualAssault #SexualAbuse #SexualAssaultSurvivors #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #SexualTrauma #SexualAssaultAwarenessMonth #RheumatoidArthritis #Fibromyalgia #Fibro #InterstitialCystitis #sciatica #DDD #AnkylosingSpondylitis #painfulbladdersyndrome #LymeDisease #ChronicIlless #ChronicLymeDisease #LymeWarrior #Spoonie #PituitaryTumors #PituitaryTumor #SpinalFusion #gastric sleeve surgery #Anxiety #CPTSD #PTSD #PTSD

8 people are talking about this
Community Voices

So much stuff!!!

I have been having a really hard time and it’s been a reallly long year for my family.
About me I have Fibro, RA, IC/BPS, sciatica AS, DDD, SpinalFusion spinalstenosis etc..

I have my oldest brother who had a stroke this year. We have always spoken and never had and any issues ( unlike my other siblings that’s another post).

When I was younger my brother more than once sexually assaulted me.
I don’t know if it actually considered that
I was sexually assaulted by my father when I was a child and raped at 15 by an older man.

My brother who is 20 years older than me tried to kiss me on more than one occasion this was when I was in elementary school. He I found out a few years ago was also along with my brothers and my sister were sexually assaulted by my father as well.

So the situation is idkw but after he had his stroke I just couldn’t speak to him.
I did only speak to him because of my mother. I did tell my mother when I was younger and I can only say she made excuses for him and begged me not to not talk to him.

I love my mother very much and we have a very good relationship except for this issue. So I haven’t spoken to him since his stroke and I feel extremely guilty for it.
He has been trying to get in contact with me but I have thwarted contact.

My husband knows and of course he says I should not feel guilty and doesn’t understand why I had been talking to him all these years.
I don’t know if I should say something to my mom who is 85. I don’t think it would do anything but upset her or cause and arguement. Or bother saying anything to my brother. Which idkw I feel bad saying anything which doesn’t make sense.
I know I should have gone to therapy years ago but does anyone have any suggestions how I should proceed in the interim ?

#SexualAbuseSurvivors #SexualAssault #SexualAbuse #SexualAssaultSurvivors #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #SexualTrauma #SexualAssaultAwarenessMonth #RheumatoidArthritis #Fibromyalgia #Fibro #InterstitialCystitis #sciatica #DDD #AnkylosingSpondylitis #painfulbladdersyndrome #LymeDisease #ChronicIlless #ChronicLymeDisease #LymeWarrior #Spoonie #PituitaryTumors #PituitaryTumor #SpinalFusion #gastric sleeve surgery #Anxiety #CPTSD #PTSD #PTSD

8 people are talking about this
Community Voices

So much stuff!!!

I have been having a really hard time and it’s been a reallly long year for my family.
About me I have Fibro, RA, IC/BPS, sciatica AS, DDD, SpinalFusion spinalstenosis etc..

I have my oldest brother who had a stroke this year. We have always spoken and never had and any issues ( unlike my other siblings that’s another post).

When I was younger my brother more than once sexually assaulted me.
I don’t know if it actually considered that
I was sexually assaulted by my father when I was a child and raped at 15 by an older man.

My brother who is 20 years older than me tried to kiss me on more than one occasion this was when I was in elementary school. He I found out a few years ago was also along with my brothers and my sister were sexually assaulted by my father as well.

So the situation is idkw but after he had his stroke I just couldn’t speak to him.
I did only speak to him because of my mother. I did tell my mother when I was younger and I can only say she made excuses for him and begged me not to not talk to him.

I love my mother very much and we have a very good relationship except for this issue. So I haven’t spoken to him since his stroke and I feel extremely guilty for it.
He has been trying to get in contact with me but I have thwarted contact.

My husband knows and of course he says I should not feel guilty and doesn’t understand why I had been talking to him all these years.
I don’t know if I should say something to my mom who is 85. I don’t think it would do anything but upset her or cause and arguement. Or bother saying anything to my brother. Which idkw I feel bad saying anything which doesn’t make sense.
I know I should have gone to therapy years ago but does anyone have any suggestions how I should proceed in the interim ?

#SexualAbuseSurvivors #SexualAssault #SexualAbuse #SexualAssaultSurvivors #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #SexualTrauma #SexualAssaultAwarenessMonth #RheumatoidArthritis #Fibromyalgia #Fibro #InterstitialCystitis #sciatica #DDD #AnkylosingSpondylitis #painfulbladdersyndrome #LymeDisease #ChronicIlless #ChronicLymeDisease #LymeWarrior #Spoonie #PituitaryTumors #PituitaryTumor #SpinalFusion #gastric sleeve surgery #Anxiety #CPTSD #PTSD #PTSD

8 people are talking about this
Community Voices

So much stuff!!!

I have been having a really hard time and it’s been a reallly long year for my family.
About me I have Fibro, RA, IC/BPS, sciatica AS, DDD, SpinalFusion spinalstenosis etc..

I have my oldest brother who had a stroke this year. We have always spoken and never had and any issues ( unlike my other siblings that’s another post).

When I was younger my brother more than once sexually assaulted me.
I don’t know if it actually considered that
I was sexually assaulted by my father when I was a child and raped at 15 by an older man.

My brother who is 20 years older than me tried to kiss me on more than one occasion this was when I was in elementary school. He I found out a few years ago was also along with my brothers and my sister were sexually assaulted by my father as well.

So the situation is idkw but after he had his stroke I just couldn’t speak to him.
I did only speak to him because of my mother. I did tell my mother when I was younger and I can only say she made excuses for him and begged me not to not talk to him.

I love my mother very much and we have a very good relationship except for this issue. So I haven’t spoken to him since his stroke and I feel extremely guilty for it.
He has been trying to get in contact with me but I have thwarted contact.

My husband knows and of course he says I should not feel guilty and doesn’t understand why I had been talking to him all these years.
I don’t know if I should say something to my mom who is 85. I don’t think it would do anything but upset her or cause and arguement. Or bother saying anything to my brother. Which idkw I feel bad saying anything which doesn’t make sense.
I know I should have gone to therapy years ago but does anyone have any suggestions how I should proceed in the interim ?

#SexualAbuseSurvivors #SexualAssault #SexualAbuse #SexualAssaultSurvivors #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #SexualTrauma #SexualAssaultAwarenessMonth #RheumatoidArthritis #Fibromyalgia #Fibro #InterstitialCystitis #sciatica #DDD #AnkylosingSpondylitis #painfulbladdersyndrome #LymeDisease #ChronicIlless #ChronicLymeDisease #LymeWarrior #Spoonie #PituitaryTumors #PituitaryTumor #SpinalFusion #gastric sleeve surgery #Anxiety #CPTSD #PTSD #PTSD

8 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Hi fellow warriors. Im at that point where there is a big possibility that I will need to return to work. I was wondering what typw of jobs you do that are not too hard on your body and don’t cause you to flare. Need your help! #ChronicIllness

5 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Has anyone else experienced this? If so, what should I do?

I am not sure whether or not I truly have RA due to opposing diagnoses from two rheumatologists.

Back story.

In April 2017, after my last child was born, I started having more noticeable pain in my neck. At times, I would reach into her crib and literally be stopped in my tracks from the pain.

By October, the pain started in my joints, my hands, my wrists, elbows, and knees. Sometimes on both sides at the same time, other times one and not the other.

I'd visited the doctor several times looking for answers and each time they acted like I was crazy. In fairness, every single test they ran was negative. Especially all the autoimmune tests. And no outwardly visible swelling.

I got fed up and started to believe that maybe I was a hypochondriac and there really wasn't anything wrong with me and it was all in my head.

We moved to Indiana in 2018 and by then I was getting worst. The random flare ups of pain and discomfort, the intense fatigue that made it next to impossible to function.

Then, weird stuff started happening. I'd have unexplainable pains that the doctors could only attribute to anxiety.

Example: I'd wake up from a perfectly normal night and be unable to put any weight on one foot because of excruciating pain on the top of my foot just before my toes. The doctor looked at me and said : Jocelyn, the only way you could be having that pain in that spot is if you injured yourself which you have already denied. This is just a manifestation of your anxiety.

Other symptoms, numbness and tingling, excessive daytime sleepiness, "carpal tunnel" like pain, insomnia etc.

Neurology in August 2020 found no evidence of neuropathy, MS, nerve or muscle issues. They did diagnose me with sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome and periodic Limb Movement disorder.

But then... September 2020, my PCP ran (another) round of tests. Rheumatoid Factor, ANA, ESR, and CRP.
RF - negative, ESR and CRP mildly elevated and ANA right at the line where it could be neg or POS.

I pushed to see a rheumatologist and finally in October I went in for an appointment and he looked at me confused as to why I was even there. He could find no evidence to support autoimmune issues.

But right before I left, I asked him if my skewed results could be due to psoriasis, which I've had had since 2007. The light bulb went off and after pressing on a few tender spots said I had Psoriatic Arthritis(PsA) and ordered some more in depth tests.

3 days later he called me saying I have RA, my CRP was very high, and my Anti-CCP was extremely high. He put me on Humira injections and I finally had answers and noticed an improvement in my pain.

6 months later I had to change rheumatologists due to insurance, and I noticed my Humira wasn't as effective anymore.

The new rheumatologist saw my labs and office notes from the other guy, and disagreed that I don't have RA but I do have PsA. He also said I have fibro. Still no swelling but worst hand pain.

?????? Help

#ra

16 people are talking about this
Community Voices

× " Sooo I Had A Huge Trigger Effect This Morning... " × #emotional Mess 😭

× " This Morning After Mother's Day... I Received 2 Text Message's... From My Older Brother... He Sent Me A Picture Of My Son's Gravestone.. This Was The Frist Time I Have Seen It. And I Got Triggered Horribly... Atleast My Memory Sparked How Many Month's He Actually Was When He Died... He Was 5 Month's Old. I Was A Mess All Day And People Pissed Me Off At Work. Nothing New... And I Got Even More Triggered By The Photo Because My Ex Is A U.S. Army Vet... And His Name Is Also On The Gravestone. So Today Was An Extremely Hard Day For Me. " × #Sadness #Pain ☆ S. K. ☆

15 people are talking about this
Community Voices

How was your week?

<p>How was your week?</p>
18 people are talking about this
Community Voices

How do y’all handle having to change your level of activity.

I am struggling with the fact that I may not be able to work full time anymore. I am only 54!! I work in the medical field, I am a mom, I am a new grandmother and I am not used to having to put myself first. How did y’all do this???

8 people are talking about this
Community Voices

What do your sensory needs look like?

<p>What do your sensory needs look like?</p>
14 people are talking about this