Staci

@survivednowthriving
Community Voices

Friend Lost Wife to Covid. They were married for 22 years and very much in love with 3 kids. In less than 6 months he slept with another woman.

#ComplicatedGrief I am concerned that he is trying to fill a void and longing companionship. He met a woman that he is falling quickly for and wants to be exclusive and in another relationship. It’s only been 7 months to date and I am worried that he is moving too fast! Is it normal for someone who was in love and then lost so suddenly to want to move forward so quickly? It just seems kind of fast for me but he keeps saying that he doesn’t want to waste anymore time in his life bc tomorrow is not promised to us. What advice should I give or is this a normal reaction? Should the woman be concerned and demand he wait and let time heal and just be a friend to him? He genuinely looks at this woman with strong like, the chemistry is there, he is transparent, patient, loving.. he is a very good man. He said he doesn’t want to sleep around he wants to be with one woman. It just seems like 7 months is not enough time to grieve his wife whom he loved deeply or did he?

18 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Friend Lost Wife to Covid. They were married for 22 years and very much in love with 3 kids. In less than 6 months he slept with another woman.

#ComplicatedGrief I am concerned that he is trying to fill a void and longing companionship. He met a woman that he is falling quickly for and wants to be exclusive and in another relationship. It’s only been 7 months to date and I am worried that he is moving too fast! Is it normal for someone who was in love and then lost so suddenly to want to move forward so quickly? It just seems kind of fast for me but he keeps saying that he doesn’t want to waste anymore time in his life bc tomorrow is not promised to us. What advice should I give or is this a normal reaction? Should the woman be concerned and demand he wait and let time heal and just be a friend to him? He genuinely looks at this woman with strong like, the chemistry is there, he is transparent, patient, loving.. he is a very good man. He said he doesn’t want to sleep around he wants to be with one woman. It just seems like 7 months is not enough time to grieve his wife whom he loved deeply or did he?

18 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Friend Lost Wife to Covid. They were married for 22 years and very much in love with 3 kids. In less than 6 months he slept with another woman.

#ComplicatedGrief I am concerned that he is trying to fill a void and longing companionship. He met a woman that he is falling quickly for and wants to be exclusive and in another relationship. It’s only been 7 months to date and I am worried that he is moving too fast! Is it normal for someone who was in love and then lost so suddenly to want to move forward so quickly? It just seems kind of fast for me but he keeps saying that he doesn’t want to waste anymore time in his life bc tomorrow is not promised to us. What advice should I give or is this a normal reaction? Should the woman be concerned and demand he wait and let time heal and just be a friend to him? He genuinely looks at this woman with strong like, the chemistry is there, he is transparent, patient, loving.. he is a very good man. He said he doesn’t want to sleep around he wants to be with one woman. It just seems like 7 months is not enough time to grieve his wife whom he loved deeply or did he?

18 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Friend Lost Wife to Covid. They were married for 22 years and very much in love with 3 kids. In less than 6 months he slept with another woman.

#ComplicatedGrief I am concerned that he is trying to fill a void and longing companionship. He met a woman that he is falling quickly for and wants to be exclusive and in another relationship. It’s only been 7 months to date and I am worried that he is moving too fast! Is it normal for someone who was in love and then lost so suddenly to want to move forward so quickly? It just seems kind of fast for me but he keeps saying that he doesn’t want to waste anymore time in his life bc tomorrow is not promised to us. What advice should I give or is this a normal reaction? Should the woman be concerned and demand he wait and let time heal and just be a friend to him? He genuinely looks at this woman with strong like, the chemistry is there, he is transparent, patient, loving.. he is a very good man. He said he doesn’t want to sleep around he wants to be with one woman. It just seems like 7 months is not enough time to grieve his wife whom he loved deeply or did he?

18 people are talking about this
Community Voices
Community Voices
Community Voices

#Nerve and joint pain

I've over done it today, went shopping at Walmart then had two arms full of bags. And carried up two flights of stairs. Boy, my left hip and leg have been screaming for hours.
#Fibromyalgia

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Lack of Sleep

I still can’t get used to the fact that I feel the same way I did when I went to bed the night before. I’m a super light sleeper. I can even tell which dog walks by with the sound of the dog tags. If I have to get up, and when I try to go back to sleep, it’s very hard for me to go into a rem sleep. I’ve had Fibro for over 40 years. I can’t sleep in a bed, but I can sleep in a recliner, which I’m told isn’t the best for me.
I do tend to read for about 30 minutes to 45 minutes, and that sometimes help. I usually feel very punchy though. Can anyone tell me what they do to try and sleep? Thanks

4 people are talking about this
Community Voices

My lockdown life

My name is Lorraine,

I’ve had ME/CFSand fibromyalgia for 14 years .

In 2006 I became very sick at the age of 37 . I was working in a lovely little Italian Deli as a cook had many friends and was bringing up my 2 kids on my own .

I had a busy mum life great social life and was always in the go .

I woke up one morning and was literally so sick I couldn’t get out of bed . After a couple of days I knew something was seriously wrong. I dragged myself out of bed and went to my GP the doctor suspected glandular fever so took tests .

I got call from doctor …think it was couple of days later to tell me my test was positive.

I was thinking…. ok let it run it’s course and I’ll be back to normal.

My normal never returned. After being off work for 3 months I had to go back to work . I had 2 kids to feed and missed my friend’s and work . It was so difficult. I remember finishing work at 1pm and going home opening the door and crawled up the stairs to bed .

There I stayed asleep till I heard my kids come in from school. I would drag myself up and go down make them dinner and try to rush through the school uniforms and clean up and desperately head back to bed .

I remember I was really grumpy and looking back this must have been hard on my kids .

Months went by and I was still really fatigued. Was back and forth to GP . They told me at 37 and taking glandular fever it would take me but longer to recover.

I moved home after a couple of years from a house to a flat . I still was very fatigued and worked part time and on days off I rested .

I kinda got into a pattern of pushing through desperate for my next days rest .

Eventually I had to change my GP because I was visiting so many times crazy worried that they were missing something. I felt like I was dying and nobody could see it .

I pushed in through still trying to live a normal life hiding the cracks that was tormenting me .

In 2011 I met someone I thought was my soul mate . I explained I was sick and had been undergoing tests at probably every department in the hospital. He wasn’t bothered by any of this and assured me he’d stick around and support me .

Life was good and I married the man I had fell in love with , and even though I felt awful most days and very fatigued I pushed through and the mask went on .

Finally after many tests and hospital appointments I was diagnosed with ME and fibromyalgia.

Finally I was so happy to know what was wrong with me .

I thought now I can get help, treatment, medication that will help .

Unfortunately none of that was to come . My husband was quite supportive at the start .

My friends and family didn’t really understand me .

People would offer up advice like … you need to get out more …. you need to take more vitamins. Fresh air . Exercise.

If only it was that easy .

I pushed and pushed my body way beyond my boundaries as I was so independent and hated asking for help .

I used to go to work , then go out to work with my husband when he was working. I thought the exercise would do me good and help the muscles in my legs .

My legs were so painful, I thought this had to help .

I pushed and pushed in through. In 2017 my husband and I split up and I asked for a divorce.

I was becoming sicker and I couldn’t take care of myself the way I used to . My appearance changed and my mood was low . I’m my ex husband’s words I became boring.

After he left it was like a relief. I could be sick without feeling guilty.

I wasn’t the girl he could have on his arm anymore that he could show off .

My life changed then . I became kinder to myself. I could be on my own in my own space and it was peaceful. I was content. My kids were older and although they didn’t fully understand what was going on with me they left me to deal with it the way I wanted to . I still wanted to be a mother and do things to help them as much as I possibly could.

I gave up work , stopped most contact with my friends and basically went into lockdown.

I would occasionally attend a family gathering, some I reluctantly had to say sorry I can’t make it . I’m now in 2020 I’m almost home bound, and a lot of days bed bound.

My new normal is being at home in my bedroom. I try going locally to my local store couple of times a week . I have to have someone to take me to hospital appointments and anywhere I have to travel. It’s been years since I’ve used public transport.

This is my life now and I have excepted it . I’m in pain every day . Exhausted every minute of every day . I can sleep 4 hours or 10 hours it makes no difference. I never feel refreshed after a sleep .

But one of the worst things about living with a invisible disability is …. the judgment of people who do not understand my struggles. Being doubted by loved ones . Rude comments from doctors.

Many times I’ve felt I cannot do this anymore.

But I carry on regardless. The DWP make you feel like a scrounger.

Today I’m happy as NICE have changed their guidelines on treatment for ME … GET has been removed. (Graded exercise therapy) people with ME were made to believe that we could exercise our way back to health.

I wish I was given the proper advice when I got sick and maybe I wouldn’t be as severe as I am now . I’m learning to pace . But fear I will need a wheelchair in the near future.

With all that’s going on the the world right now with covid …. I fear the people with long covid will go on to be diagnosed with ME . I pray for them they get the right advice. At least they won’t be given the advice of exercise your way back to health. So when people ask me how do I feel during lockdown…. I answer simply, this is my normal.

I’m also about to be a grandmother for the first time . This has brought me a great deal of happiness.

I just wish I had more energy for my granddaughter.

But I sure have lots and lots of love to give her .

Lorraine x

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

#Feeling Guilty

I got a puppy and now he may have to go to a new home! Why didn’t I think this through. This was the wrong time in the season for a new one, the cold and the weather changes have slowed me down and wiped me out. I feel terrible but I just can’t keep this up, he’s a handful. Say prayer for me, the guilt is coming on strong.