I am exhausted by the back and forth I have been doing between my parents. I cannot determine whether my mother is a narcissist and a matyr or if my father is a total fucking sociopath.
My parents both have totally different perspectives on each other. My mother tells such hideous and disturbing stories of abuse from my father. My father has rarely ever painted my mother in a negative light. He occasionally will say things like, “your mother is a bit self absorbed, and that’s okay, that’s just how she is” for example. But that’s as far as he goes.
He was certainly abusive to me growing up. But we have a really good relationship now. I still don’t know whether to trust him. He seems genuine and consistent with his actions. He makes an effort to spend quality
Time with me and my mother really does not. My father has always been a considerate person and plenty of times would take my side in arguments with my mom.
My mother is selfish in that she often does not think of others and makes decisions that damage others and literally does not comprehend why that’s wrong. For example taking multiple credit cards out with me as an authorized user and having lots of debt on them and not paying them regularly and ruining my credit. My credit score was once about 540. I am still building it back up.
I don’t know who to believe or trust and the idea of not being able to trust either is frankly to hard for my to accept. But I think that’s the reality.
#PTSD #CPTSD #MentalHealth #Trauma #ChildhoodAbuse #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors
