Tiffany Smith

@tmaplesmith
Community Voices

perspective is everything.

<p>perspective is everything.</p>
8 people are talking about this
Community Voices

The Ocean Waits: A Poem About Dementia

The Ocean Waits

by Tiffany Maples

She doesn't know where she's at anymore.
She begs to go home from the time her feet hit the floor.

Some days she sleeps, but not for very long.
She cries often, but doesn't even know what's wrong.

I watch her struggle throughout her day.
So confused as I watch her beyond my dismay.

And often she sits and has little to say.
She's fumbles through her purse so much the fabric is starting to fray.

She's unsure what day is is, nor does she know the time.
She looks to me for answers or she waits for some sign.

A sign of what to do next, for she has no clue.
Even when I explain, she still doesn't know what to do.

She no longer knows who I am or even who she is, that's just so sad.
I try to guide her and help her, which only leads to her being mad.

Not at me, I know the truth, she's only scared and lost.
I assure her I am here and will be no matter the cost.

And our tears stream towards the floor,
Where there's already an ocean waiting to receive one more.

She struggles so hard to even complete a sentence.
So stubborn, trying to hold on to her independence.

She paces the house a million times a day.
I have to keep reminding her that everything will be ok.

I hold her each day as she cries.
She wonders why some people tell her lies.

"I'll come see you, I miss you so much",
but when they don't show, causes her to further lose touch.

She questions if she's a "bad person", must be why they don't come.
When reality is because she's out of funds.

This woman was once all put together, not a hair out of place.
Now most days I can't see her, not even a trace...

A trace of who she once was, so happy and strong.
Now her days are only monotonous and long.

And the tears stream towards the floor,
Where an ocean awaits to receive one more.
She calls my name from the other side of the door.

I’m instantly filled with dread,
but not because of anything she had said.

I feel helpless, I'm not sure what to do to ease her sorrows
Every attempt is empty, she will be the same way tomorrow

She was once the strongest person I ever knew.
Tough as nails, never afraid to take on something new.

They all said she was wise beyond her years,
Now she can only focus on her worst fears.

And her tears stream towards the floor,
where the ocean awaits to receive one more.

Her memories slip away, a little each day.
She’s angry, she’s sad, she’s mad, yet she can’t figure the words to say.

The struggle is real, but she faces it like a seethe,
but now she constantly worries if I'm going to leave.

No matter how many times I assure her that's just not true,
She's lost so much, she holds on tight to what's left, cuz they are so few.

She’s scared to die,
but I don’t know why?

How her soul has changed,
An angel is what she will be named.

She’s still right there to help with any chore or task,
She’s not sure what to do, but she’ll try anything that u ask.

It’s pure hell to witness her uphill battle filled with sadness,
but I would be nowhere else, she was there in all my madness.

Our roles have reversed.
We both feel cursed.

I will remain here with her, as we live through this hell.
I hope she knows how much I love her, cuz at times I can't tell.

All the tears that we’ve cried, she and I,
have created waves in the ocean, no one can deny.

And together our tears fall to the floor,
Where the Ocean awaits to receive even more.

To My Mom. I'll always be here.

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

I Don't Know What to Do

There's so much going on...so much.

My boyfriend told me again this morning that he's looking for cheaper motels, which is a problem for my OCD. The one we're in has mold and other problems as it is. He said he might try staying a night in different ones to test them out, but I can only interpret that as wanting to get away from me, which I know he wants. Don't misunderstand... There's no love either way here, but I'm disabled and need him. I have no one. We have major financial problems, so this is strange to me... He's going to pay for me to stay here and pay for him to stay at another? He gets mad when I ask for money, which I admit I often do. I eat one real meal a day, plus a snack.

He's told me I'm a burden, he snaps and yells at me. I've called The National Domestic Violence Hotline, women's shelters, mental health organizations, and government agencies. My OCD is one of the things that prevent them from helping me. They told me I have to essentially ignore my OCD. They also told me I "have too much going on" for them to help me. I just want to get out of here, taking my cats and my personal property.

10 people are talking about this
Community Voices

My Mental Health & My Ability to Understand Weird Ass Laws

So I just have to mention that I might be crazy, but others are weird. So why are they banning fireworks, yet they still are selling them on every corner. Now I get there are some exceptions, but overall it just seems like a setup. The fireworks stands draw you in. You end io with a bunch of fireworks, to hold on to for later? I think not. So when you can't resist and have to shoot some off. Now you have a ticket to pay. 😁😁😁

7 people are talking about this
Community Voices

At 4 years old, I would cry myself to sleep because the children were starving in Africa. I'm a highly sensitive person.

<p>At 4 years old, I would cry myself to sleep because the children were starving in Africa. I'm a highly sensitive person.</p>
9 people are talking about this
Community Voices

At 4 years old, I would cry myself to sleep because the children were starving in Africa. I'm a highly sensitive person.

<p>At 4 years old, I would cry myself to sleep because the children were starving in Africa. I'm a highly sensitive person.</p>
9 people are talking about this
Community Voices

At 4 years old, I would cry myself to sleep because the children were starving in Africa. I'm a highly sensitive person.

<p>At 4 years old, I would cry myself to sleep because the children were starving in Africa. I'm a highly sensitive person.</p>
9 people are talking about this
Community Voices

At 4 years old, I would cry myself to sleep because the children were starving in Africa. I'm a highly sensitive person.

<p>At 4 years old, I would cry myself to sleep because the children were starving in Africa. I'm a highly sensitive person.</p>
9 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Desperation to Not Feel This Despair and Hopelessness, but Move on to Acceptance?

Desperation to Not Feel This Dispair and hopelessness, but Move On To Acceptance?

It truly cuts my soul deep how people don't care about people anymore. Families don't even care about their own blood anymore. Everyone has lost their morals and so many left numb. All as a result of mental health. A sad day this world has created.
If you don't understand people with mental disorders, stop and count every single one of your blessings. It's absolutely no way to live. It's funny when I would hear throughout my life, "It's like you WANT to be unhappy.". Think about this statement, why would ANYONE WANT to be unhappy?
Where I am so beyond disheartened though is the scary workd I'm waking up to, I can't understand people's ability to be so cold and unremorseful.
I say waking up because my life has felt as if I've been watching myself live it through a telescope . So far removed, but that's a story in itself for another time.
I know I can be fixed cuz I had the Stellate Ganglion Block done for my CPTSD. For 3 days I was in complete bliss. I felt normal!! For once my muscles relaxed at night and I slept. When I woke up, I didn't feel irritable and tired, cuz I actually rested. Doing normal chores and cleaning were no big deal. For once I could see life as beautiful as it can be.
Three days later, I have another 2 terribly traumatic events happen at the same time, and I went right back to where I started.
I attempted to get another one, using every last cent we had and, nothing.
I see all these wealthy people on TV and the internet. They are literally dropping hundreds of thousands dollars on things like, $5,000 a night hotel room. $4,000 on a four year olds outfit that will only wear once and discard.
Do they not realize that for less than maybe even half of that amount, could provide the treatment that could COMPLETELY transforms someone's ENTIRE life. It could let my friend with a pinched sciatic nerve, to walk again. People are throwing away money literally all day every day, in large volumes. Spending so much money on material things that don't even leave this world with us. All the while, there are so many people suffering on different levels, and there is no relief.
If I could function properly, I would be able to be successful, just like them. I could help others and would love every minute of it.
Instead I live in a home that feels like a prison because my brain is broken. while I watch a few teenagers on youtube literally flush that kind of money down the toilet for fun.
Reality is I'm no one. A nothing . So why would anyone care to even read this? Or feel the torment and pain that I feel so intensely it often makes me suicidal. I have no control.
We are lacking so many jobs that desperately need to be filled. If they could get us with mental health issues treatment, we would love to be in these positions. We are not evil, we have an imbalance in the chemicals in our brain. Once that has been corrected, we are just like the next person. Even better, cuz we have been living in our own hell for so long, we would be happy to do just about anything. Just to not live the the prison we have during our mental disorders.
I keep hoping that one day things will change , and people will realize that the only things that leaves this earth with us are the love and relationships that we create while here.
Caring for my mom full time, I can't work. Plus there are 3 of us plus I have 4 dogs whom eat better than me most days. Between them and my mom I HAVE to get out of bed. I can't hurt myself or worse, because they solely rely on me I rescued them all. We are barely making it by. Yet to this day, when my friend who needs a ride home from the bar, I'm going to wake up my mom and we will go get her safely home. If a stranger needs $10 in gas to get to work, I give it , never lend it. I give it if I have it, even if it's my last dollar.
I may not have anything, but what I do have, I try to do as much as I can for others rather than for myself. I have been this way since I was little. These are the qualities I hold tightly to cuz if I lose them , I will be cold just like most of the world..... just like the money flushers. lol.. but true.
There are so many funds for everything you can imagine., cancer, COVID, ETC. Nothing for mental health. Does no one realize that mental health is literally killing us the same as these diseases, just at a much longer , prolonged torturing rate.
To all of you struggling with mental health , my heart truly hurts for you, I know your pain. I hope some day treatment for mental health will be something that low income people deserve as well.
Mental illness is terrible. If you are reading this and thinking how much drama mental people are, again, be greatful you think this way, that means you have never experienced the pure hell we live in and it's more than real. If you have a loved one exhausted by your energy of desperation to escape living like this, remember, if you think it's hard for you to watch just remember, some people are ignorant to understanding mental health. We need more people being educated on all areas of mental health to get the real understanding.
Healthy people don't randomly go shoot up schools or anyone in general. Mental Illness contributes 100% to these occurrences, in my opinion. When they could do so much more to help those that are broken and prevent these tradgedies completely.
So many people could help others and they wouldn't even miss the amount that would stop someone's mental health issues.
I don't have a choice but to accept that there is no doctor that will care enough to help treat people like me. Those days of caring for their patients is long gone.
If had money I wouldn't have money cuz I would help anyone I possibly could. Frfr. I'm just so sad how everyone is so self absorbed, that they would walk over your collapsed body to get your purse to steal your last dollar, rather than give you a hand up and you would gladly GIVE them that same dollar.

12 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Desperation to Not Feel This Despair and Hopelessness, but Move on to Acceptance?

Desperation to Not Feel This Dispair and hopelessness, but Move On To Acceptance?

It truly cuts my soul deep how people don't care about people anymore. Families don't even care about their own blood anymore. Everyone has lost their morals and so many left numb. All as a result of mental health. A sad day this world has created.
If you don't understand people with mental disorders, stop and count every single one of your blessings. It's absolutely no way to live. It's funny when I would hear throughout my life, "It's like you WANT to be unhappy.". Think about this statement, why would ANYONE WANT to be unhappy?
Where I am so beyond disheartened though is the scary workd I'm waking up to, I can't understand people's ability to be so cold and unremorseful.
I say waking up because my life has felt as if I've been watching myself live it through a telescope . So far removed, but that's a story in itself for another time.
I know I can be fixed cuz I had the Stellate Ganglion Block done for my CPTSD. For 3 days I was in complete bliss. I felt normal!! For once my muscles relaxed at night and I slept. When I woke up, I didn't feel irritable and tired, cuz I actually rested. Doing normal chores and cleaning were no big deal. For once I could see life as beautiful as it can be.
Three days later, I have another 2 terribly traumatic events happen at the same time, and I went right back to where I started.
I attempted to get another one, using every last cent we had and, nothing.
I see all these wealthy people on TV and the internet. They are literally dropping hundreds of thousands dollars on things like, $5,000 a night hotel room. $4,000 on a four year olds outfit that will only wear once and discard.
Do they not realize that for less than maybe even half of that amount, could provide the treatment that could COMPLETELY transforms someone's ENTIRE life. It could let my friend with a pinched sciatic nerve, to walk again. People are throwing away money literally all day every day, in large volumes. Spending so much money on material things that don't even leave this world with us. All the while, there are so many people suffering on different levels, and there is no relief.
If I could function properly, I would be able to be successful, just like them. I could help others and would love every minute of it.
Instead I live in a home that feels like a prison because my brain is broken. while I watch a few teenagers on youtube literally flush that kind of money down the toilet for fun.
Reality is I'm no one. A nothing . So why would anyone care to even read this? Or feel the torment and pain that I feel so intensely it often makes me suicidal. I have no control.
We are lacking so many jobs that desperately need to be filled. If they could get us with mental health issues treatment, we would love to be in these positions. We are not evil, we have an imbalance in the chemicals in our brain. Once that has been corrected, we are just like the next person. Even better, cuz we have been living in our own hell for so long, we would be happy to do just about anything. Just to not live the the prison we have during our mental disorders.
I keep hoping that one day things will change , and people will realize that the only things that leaves this earth with us are the love and relationships that we create while here.
Caring for my mom full time, I can't work. Plus there are 3 of us plus I have 4 dogs whom eat better than me most days. Between them and my mom I HAVE to get out of bed. I can't hurt myself or worse, because they solely rely on me I rescued them all. We are barely making it by. Yet to this day, when my friend who needs a ride home from the bar, I'm going to wake up my mom and we will go get her safely home. If a stranger needs $10 in gas to get to work, I give it , never lend it. I give it if I have it, even if it's my last dollar.
I may not have anything, but what I do have, I try to do as much as I can for others rather than for myself. I have been this way since I was little. These are the qualities I hold tightly to cuz if I lose them , I will be cold just like most of the world..... just like the money flushers. lol.. but true.
There are so many funds for everything you can imagine., cancer, COVID, ETC. Nothing for mental health. Does no one realize that mental health is literally killing us the same as these diseases, just at a much longer , prolonged torturing rate.
To all of you struggling with mental health , my heart truly hurts for you, I know your pain. I hope some day treatment for mental health will be something that low income people deserve as well.
Mental illness is terrible. If you are reading this and thinking how much drama mental people are, again, be greatful you think this way, that means you have never experienced the pure hell we live in and it's more than real. If you have a loved one exhausted by your energy of desperation to escape living like this, remember, if you think it's hard for you to watch just remember, some people are ignorant to understanding mental health. We need more people being educated on all areas of mental health to get the real understanding.
Healthy people don't randomly go shoot up schools or anyone in general. Mental Illness contributes 100% to these occurrences, in my opinion. When they could do so much more to help those that are broken and prevent these tradgedies completely.
So many people could help others and they wouldn't even miss the amount that would stop someone's mental health issues.
I don't have a choice but to accept that there is no doctor that will care enough to help treat people like me. Those days of caring for their patients is long gone.
If had money I wouldn't have money cuz I would help anyone I possibly could. Frfr. I'm just so sad how everyone is so self absorbed, that they would walk over your collapsed body to get your purse to steal your last dollar, rather than give you a hand up and you would gladly GIVE them that same dollar.

12 people are talking about this