ifunny.co/I haven't posted or even looked at the mighty since my last post about having surgery earlier this year. But I'm really not doing okay these days. I'm the sole caregiver for my grandma who has health issues the doctors havent been able to fix yet. I just had to move in with her. But what's killing me now is my ex got married. We dated a few years ago and i knew it was temporary because he was leaving for boot camp, but i thought we would make it. I loved him so much. We saw each other after he came back, then again a year later. And we talked all the time., he still told me he loved me. And then right before i had surgery he told me he couldnt always be there for me. The following month he posted online he was dating someone. So i blocked him and her. Then the a few weeks ago i unblocked him and looked. They got married. They post pictures of each other and you can see how in love they are. And now i know he never loved me the way i thought he did. He never loved me like that. Never posted pictures of us, didn't bring me around his friends or family really. And of course shes gorgeous and thinner than me and perfect. And lately I've been having a lot of vivid dreams about him and some of my other exes. I just know ill never be loved like that because no one cares about me that way. I'm never going to be happy and i just want it to end. I want to hurt myself and I'd love nothing more than to end my life right now and i cant. I just wish someone loved me like that. No one will ever love me enough to make me their wife. I just wish i lived in the middle of nowhere with no one around me so i could just be alone and end it and no one would ever find me. Maybe someday. I miss him so much....i hate it. And i hate myself for giving him my number that day in detention. Id rather be numb. I hope she makes him happy the way i couldn't.