Tori Bradford

@toribradford
Community Voices

ifunny.co/I haven't posted or even looked at the mighty since my last post about having surgery earlier this year. But I'm really not doing okay these days. I'm the sole caregiver for my grandma who has health issues the doctors havent been able to fix yet. I just had to move in with her. But what's killing me now is my ex got married. We dated a few years ago and i knew it was temporary because he was leaving for boot camp, but i thought we would make it. I loved him so much. We saw each other after he came back, then again a year later. And we talked all the time., he still told me he loved me. And then right before i had surgery he told me he couldnt always be there for me. The following month he posted online he was dating someone. So i blocked him and her. Then the a few weeks ago i unblocked him and looked. They got married. They post pictures of each other and you can see how in love they are. And now i know he never loved me the way i thought he did. He never loved me like that. Never posted pictures of us, didn't bring me around his friends or family really. And of course shes gorgeous and thinner than me and perfect. And lately I've been having a lot of vivid dreams about him and some of my other exes. I just know ill never be loved like that because no one cares about me that way. I'm never going to be happy and i just want it to end. I want to hurt myself and I'd love nothing more than to end my life right now and i cant. I just wish someone loved me like that. No one will ever love me enough to make me their wife. I just wish i lived in the middle of nowhere with no one around me so i could just be alone and end it and no one would ever find me. Maybe someday. I miss him so much....i hate it. And i hate myself for giving him my number that day in detention. Id rather be numb. I hope she makes him happy the way i couldn't.

1 person is talking about this
Community Voices

Just had surgery....please help!!

So I put off having knee surgery for 7 months and finally got it done the other day. I am in EXCRUCIATING pain. They gave me a lot of pain killers at the hospital before i was discharged. But they haven't helped at all. Sent me home with percs too and nothing has worked. It feels like someone shot me in the knee and there's an open wound. I can't move at all without help. I've never been In this much pain before. And i understand my fibromyalgia is probably contributing to the pain. But my chest is always tight, I start sobbing randomly because it hurts so bad, i can't stop shaking. I'm not showing signs of infection but I also don't think this is normal. This is my first surgery and I am completely freaking out. I won't be seeing the doctor till next week at some point to get my bandages changed and I have no idea what to do in the meantime. And cant take any of my medical marijuana till they tell me. I'll take any suggestions, please help!! #Surgery #kneesurgery #Pain #excruciating #suggestions #pleasehelp #Fibromyalgia

7 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Another health issue

Life just keeps getting better....*not*. This week i was at work and thought i was having a stroke. Indigestion, vomiting, rapid heart rate, and the entire left side of my face stopped moving. I go into the ER Tuesday morning and the doctors (who had NO bedside manor whatsoever. I hate going to this er but it's the closest one so oh well) and they tell me I have Bell's Palsy. Which is terrifying since it presents as a stroke. I'm on steroids and antiviral meds but so far nothing is helping. They said it was caused by either a viral infection or the inflammation of a nerve in my face, they have no idea which. They also gave me no timeframe for how long this will last. In the meantime I can hardly eat, can only drink through a straw, can't speak clearly, and my eye wont shut all the way so its burning and dry and blurry all the time. I'm so miserable. This is literally the last thing i needed. Because i cant see and my eyes are burning i havent hardly worked this week. And now I'm at risk of losing my job bc of my health issues. They said if i cant perform the duties of the job (after i literally just got promoted again at the end of october) they'll have to talk to the higher ups and figure out what to do. They have accommodated me (not a lot but a little here and there) but they said that they can't anymore. I'm so afraid I'll lose my job. I applied for disability again so we'll see. And as if i didnt hate my face enough lol now half of it doesnt move. I'm totally miserable and i cant catch a break it seems. Thanks for listening though....
#Depression #healthissues #BellsPalsy #help #Anxiety #Fibromyalgia

4 people are talking about this
Community Voices

My Photography

I have wanted to be a photographer for as long as I can remember. But this year has kicked my butt like many of you out there too. So my dream has taken a backseat for now. But this year I found this app / website that I love. Its called 500px. Its similar to instagram, so it's easy to use. I post all my photos i take and edit on there. This is not me trying to get noticed. This is not me trying to sell anything. This is not me promoting an app or website or brand. My only want is to share the beauty I have personally experienced with the rest of the world so that maybe I can brighten someone's dark day. This is me wanting to put a smile on your face because you are having a hard time and you need it more than ever. I don't want praise or thank you's, I just want to spread happiness to those that need it most right now. Maybe I expressed a feeling you felt in a way that you couldn't through my photos. Maybe you just needed a virtual hug. I hope my photos can be whatever you need right now. Remember you're not alone.

Here's my link :https://500px.com/tori_bradford

#Photography #Photos #smile #spreadthelove #Happiness #yourenotalone #virtualhug

Community Voices

Another health issue

Life just keeps getting better....*not*. This week i was at work and thought i was having a stroke. Indigestion, vomiting, rapid heart rate, and the entire left side of my face stopped moving. I go into the ER Tuesday morning and the doctors (who had NO bedside manor whatsoever. I hate going to this er but it's the closest one so oh well) and they tell me I have Bell's Palsy. Which is terrifying since it presents as a stroke. I'm on steroids and antiviral meds but so far nothing is helping. They said it was caused by either a viral infection or the inflammation of a nerve in my face, they have no idea which. They also gave me no timeframe for how long this will last. In the meantime I can hardly eat, can only drink through a straw, can't speak clearly, and my eye wont shut all the way so its burning and dry and blurry all the time. I'm so miserable. This is literally the last thing i needed. Because i cant see and my eyes are burning i havent hardly worked this week. And now I'm at risk of losing my job bc of my health issues. They said if i cant perform the duties of the job (after i literally just got promoted again at the end of october) they'll have to talk to the higher ups and figure out what to do. They have accommodated me (not a lot but a little here and there) but they said that they can't anymore. I'm so afraid I'll lose my job. I applied for disability again so we'll see. And as if i didnt hate my face enough lol now half of it doesnt move. I'm totally miserable and i cant catch a break it seems. Thanks for listening though....
#Depression #healthissues #BellsPalsy #help #Anxiety #Fibromyalgia

4 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Alone

I swear its every other day now someone decides to abandon me. Or i get ghosted. I had someone straight up tell me they don't care about me and walked out of my life a few weeks ago. It happens so often that I expect it everytime i meet someone new. I'm so alone. I literally have no one. And im trying to move out on my own (but i need a cosigner and i have no one, so idk what to do), but it scares me bc then I'll be truly alone. I really have no one. Or if i "have" someome they have their oen lives and families to worry about and I obviously dont make the cut. I've got no one to talk to so my thoughts are going here. I've been so depressed and just want to end it all and I cant. It hurts me to my core. I just don't know how much longer I can do this..... #Depression #alone #Anxiety

28 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Alone

I swear its every other day now someone decides to abandon me. Or i get ghosted. I had someone straight up tell me they don't care about me and walked out of my life a few weeks ago. It happens so often that I expect it everytime i meet someone new. I'm so alone. I literally have no one. And im trying to move out on my own (but i need a cosigner and i have no one, so idk what to do), but it scares me bc then I'll be truly alone. I really have no one. Or if i "have" someome they have their oen lives and families to worry about and I obviously dont make the cut. I've got no one to talk to so my thoughts are going here. I've been so depressed and just want to end it all and I cant. It hurts me to my core. I just don't know how much longer I can do this..... #Depression #alone #Anxiety

28 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Alone

I swear its every other day now someone decides to abandon me. Or i get ghosted. I had someone straight up tell me they don't care about me and walked out of my life a few weeks ago. It happens so often that I expect it everytime i meet someone new. I'm so alone. I literally have no one. And im trying to move out on my own (but i need a cosigner and i have no one, so idk what to do), but it scares me bc then I'll be truly alone. I really have no one. Or if i "have" someome they have their oen lives and families to worry about and I obviously dont make the cut. I've got no one to talk to so my thoughts are going here. I've been so depressed and just want to end it all and I cant. It hurts me to my core. I just don't know how much longer I can do this..... #Depression #alone #Anxiety

28 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Alone

I swear its every other day now someone decides to abandon me. Or i get ghosted. I had someone straight up tell me they don't care about me and walked out of my life a few weeks ago. It happens so often that I expect it everytime i meet someone new. I'm so alone. I literally have no one. And im trying to move out on my own (but i need a cosigner and i have no one, so idk what to do), but it scares me bc then I'll be truly alone. I really have no one. Or if i "have" someome they have their oen lives and families to worry about and I obviously dont make the cut. I've got no one to talk to so my thoughts are going here. I've been so depressed and just want to end it all and I cant. It hurts me to my core. I just don't know how much longer I can do this..... #Depression #alone #Anxiety

28 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Alone

I swear its every other day now someone decides to abandon me. Or i get ghosted. I had someone straight up tell me they don't care about me and walked out of my life a few weeks ago. It happens so often that I expect it everytime i meet someone new. I'm so alone. I literally have no one. And im trying to move out on my own (but i need a cosigner and i have no one, so idk what to do), but it scares me bc then I'll be truly alone. I really have no one. Or if i "have" someome they have their oen lives and families to worry about and I obviously dont make the cut. I've got no one to talk to so my thoughts are going here. I've been so depressed and just want to end it all and I cant. It hurts me to my core. I just don't know how much longer I can do this..... #Depression #alone #Anxiety

28 people are talking about this