Tracey Buckley

@tracey-buckley | contributor
I am passionate about making a difference. I have recovered from an eating disorder and I really want to give back. I work as a primary school chaplain at 2 primary schools and I love what I get to do. I am a creative I love to blog, write, sing and dance. I also share my journey about recovery and that recovery is possible.
Tracey Buckley

What to Know If You Wonder Who You Will Be Without an Eating Disorder

Recovery from an eating disorder is possible. It really is. It takes time, it takes commitment and it takes a group of friends and professionals to support you. It takes a supportive network to encourage you. I am so grateful for my support network. I really am. At first, I did not believe recovery was possible at all. I refused to believe it. I did not have any belief that I would recover. This was where I was at. It took me a long time to realize the eating disorder was controlling me. The eating disorder was making all the rules I needed to follow. My eating disorder was all I knew. It comforted me, it encouraged me and I was so “good” at being the girl with an eating disorder. I excelled at it. I don’t know where you are in your eating disorder, but I strongly believe that recovery is possible. I want to encourage you and support you that recovery is possible. I do have to admit that when I was first admitted to the hospital, I actually thought I would recover in a week. Really: a week. My recovery journey was going to take time. It took two admissions to hospital for me to fully understand that I wanted to recover, that I needed to recover. I thought, “If I let go of my eating disorder, who will I be? What will I do? Who am I? What will my life be?” I am being real here and saying that recovery took time; it was not an overnight process. It was a minute-by-minute process, a day-by-day work-in-progress. It was every day, waking up and challenging the eating disorder. It was doing the opposite of what I would usually do. Believe me, this was difficult and challenging, but I needed to do this as part of my recovery. When I came out of hospital the second time, I didn’t go back to work straight away. I spent time investing in myself. Since letting the eating disorder go, I have discovered that: I have value. I am worthy. I am able to give back and help others who are journeying through an eating disorder. I have been able to mentor others going through an eating disorder. I have empathy with others going through an eating disorder. I am excited to try new things. I am creative. I love writing. I am passionate about encouraging women and girls about who they really are. I love singing. Also: I went to open-mic nights and sang. I have a new career as a primary school chaplain. I love my career; it is the best job ever. I have a blog where I encourage others. I have spoken about my journey. I went on an impact trip to Bali, visited about seven orphanages and held out in the orphanages. I love all the opportunities I have been able to experience. Since letting go of the eating disorder, I have been on such an amazing journey. My life has expanded and is so full. When I let go of my eating disorder, I discovered who I am.

Community Voices

Finding The Right Doctor

I know that when going through an #EatingDisorders and finding

the right professional can be difficult.

I didn’t know that I had a choice to choose a Doctor that

could help me.  I really didn’t.

My first admission to hospital, I was desperate I needed help

and I found a Doctor that would admit me to an inpatient program.

Oh, I had so much to learn.

I did everything that I was asked of and yes, I was weight

restored and as I described it my head hadn’t caught up.  I was weight restored. so, as some people

thought I should be healed?

Really?

So, I was discharged.

Aaagh!

So, I just existed for the next year and a half and was

finally admitted to hospital under another Doctor.

Aaagh!  once again.

I was discharged and sent home after about 8 weeks.

I wasn’t copping, I needed help and support.

I remember making an appointment with my GP.

I sat in her office and she said okay, I have two Doctors that

I will phone, whoever rings back you will have to go with them.

I remember leaving the Doctors Surgery and walking over to the

local shopping centre.

I remember praying and saying to God, God you know who I need

I pray that Dr …… will phone.

I came back to the Doctors Surgery and waited to be called.

The Doctor finally came into the waiting area and called my

name.

I walked to her office and she said that she had received a

call from Dr………

Praise God it was the Doctor that I had wanted to see.

Can I let you know something-?

Now this Doctor was not taking on any new patients

He had a waitlist for 3 months; his books were closed.

I had an appointment with him the next day at 9.00am.

This was an answer to prayer.

He ended up being the Doctor that I needed.

He was the most amazing, kind and caring Doctor that I had

ever known.

He spent time listening to my journey, he didn’t judge me, he

saw me as a woman with potential.

He didn’t see me as an #EatingDisorders, he saw me as a woman

with a future.

I am so grateful for him.

4 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Finding The Right Doctor

I know that when going through an #EatingDisorders and finding

the right professional can be difficult.

I didn’t know that I had a choice to choose a Doctor that

could help me.  I really didn’t.

My first admission to hospital, I was desperate I needed help

and I found a Doctor that would admit me to an inpatient program.

Oh, I had so much to learn.

I did everything that I was asked of and yes, I was weight

restored and as I described it my head hadn’t caught up.  I was weight restored. so, as some people

thought I should be healed?

Really?

So, I was discharged.

Aaagh!

So, I just existed for the next year and a half and was

finally admitted to hospital under another Doctor.

Aaagh!  once again.

I was discharged and sent home after about 8 weeks.

I wasn’t copping, I needed help and support.

I remember making an appointment with my GP.

I sat in her office and she said okay, I have two Doctors that

I will phone, whoever rings back you will have to go with them.

I remember leaving the Doctors Surgery and walking over to the

local shopping centre.

I remember praying and saying to God, God you know who I need

I pray that Dr …… will phone.

I came back to the Doctors Surgery and waited to be called.

The Doctor finally came into the waiting area and called my

name.

I walked to her office and she said that she had received a

call from Dr………

Praise God it was the Doctor that I had wanted to see.

Can I let you know something-?

Now this Doctor was not taking on any new patients

He had a waitlist for 3 months; his books were closed.

I had an appointment with him the next day at 9.00am.

This was an answer to prayer.

He ended up being the Doctor that I needed.

He was the most amazing, kind and caring Doctor that I had

ever known.

He spent time listening to my journey, he didn’t judge me, he

saw me as a woman with potential.

He didn’t see me as an #EatingDisorders, he saw me as a woman

with a future.

I am so grateful for him.

4 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Finding The Right Doctor

I know that when going through an #EatingDisorders and finding

the right professional can be difficult.

I didn’t know that I had a choice to choose a Doctor that

could help me.  I really didn’t.

My first admission to hospital, I was desperate I needed help

and I found a Doctor that would admit me to an inpatient program.

Oh, I had so much to learn.

I did everything that I was asked of and yes, I was weight

restored and as I described it my head hadn’t caught up.  I was weight restored. so, as some people

thought I should be healed?

Really?

So, I was discharged.

Aaagh!

So, I just existed for the next year and a half and was

finally admitted to hospital under another Doctor.

Aaagh!  once again.

I was discharged and sent home after about 8 weeks.

I wasn’t copping, I needed help and support.

I remember making an appointment with my GP.

I sat in her office and she said okay, I have two Doctors that

I will phone, whoever rings back you will have to go with them.

I remember leaving the Doctors Surgery and walking over to the

local shopping centre.

I remember praying and saying to God, God you know who I need

I pray that Dr …… will phone.

I came back to the Doctors Surgery and waited to be called.

The Doctor finally came into the waiting area and called my

name.

I walked to her office and she said that she had received a

call from Dr………

Praise God it was the Doctor that I had wanted to see.

Can I let you know something-?

Now this Doctor was not taking on any new patients

He had a waitlist for 3 months; his books were closed.

I had an appointment with him the next day at 9.00am.

This was an answer to prayer.

He ended up being the Doctor that I needed.

He was the most amazing, kind and caring Doctor that I had

ever known.

He spent time listening to my journey, he didn’t judge me, he

saw me as a woman with potential.

He didn’t see me as an #EatingDisorders, he saw me as a woman

with a future.

I am so grateful for him.

4 people are talking about this
Tracey Buckley

Eating Disorder: Finally Feeling Comfortable Looking Into the Mirror

We’re sitting in the hospital lounge room, that all too familiar room with those yellow walls that feel like they’re closing in on me, the blue oversized curtains letting in a glimpse of the outside world. We had to sit there for 30 minutes after our meal, a routine that I was familiar with. I was stuck there, stuck listening to the discussions of the other girls in the room. Some of the girls were discussing what they saw when they looked in the mirror. My face is looking fat, my stomach is bulging, I look terrible. I was listening to the conversation and something arose up within me. I said to them, “When I look in the mirror, I see a future.” Wow! When I look in the mirror I see a future. They looked at me and nodded their heads. Writing this now I realized that every time I looked in the mirror, I saw a fault, something about me that I didn’t like, something that I felt disgusted about. I just didn’t like looking in the mirror. I also didn’t see that I was in the grip of an eating disorder. I have changed my thoughts about what I see when I look in the mirror. I see someone with a future someone who wants to make a difference. Someone who wants to leave a legacy. Look in the mirror and see your future. Look in the mirror and see your potential.

Community Voices

When Your Thoughts are Ruining Your Life.

Daily Reading

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Daily Devotional

So, I have been thinking about when you have those negative thoughts that bombard you.

You know the ones that say:

— You are not good enough

— You cannot do anything right

— You will never be any good

— You are a fraud

— You are useless

— You don’t deserve to have a good life

— You don’t deserve…………….

And then there are the what-ifs……….

Worry, worry and more worry.

I know them well.

Those are the thoughts of condemnation and shame.

This is not what God thinks about you.

He wants you to be made whole and well.

Yes you might have made mistakes, yes you might have upset someone, yes you are still on the journey.

Yes, you might be regretting things that you have said and done.

What do we do when the thoughts are consuming us?

Pray give them over to God and let Him heal you.

Read His word and see what He says about you.

Let His peace be over your mind today.

Be anxious for nothing.

Read that again.

You will get through this.

I love that we are a work in progress.

Today make yourself a nice cup of tea or coffee and just breathe. Just breathe.

Mental Health

Anxiety

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

When Your Thoughts are Ruining Your Life.

Daily Reading

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Daily Devotional

So, I have been thinking about when you have those negative thoughts that bombard you.

You know the ones that say:

— You are not good enough

— You cannot do anything right

— You will never be any good

— You are a fraud

— You are useless

— You don’t deserve to have a good life

— You don’t deserve…………….

And then there are the what-ifs……….

Worry, worry and more worry.

I know them well.

Those are the thoughts of condemnation and shame.

This is not what God thinks about you.

He wants you to be made whole and well.

Yes you might have made mistakes, yes you might have upset someone, yes you are still on the journey.

Yes, you might be regretting things that you have said and done.

What do we do when the thoughts are consuming us?

Pray give them over to God and let Him heal you.

Read His word and see what He says about you.

Let His peace be over your mind today.

Be anxious for nothing.

Read that again.

You will get through this.

I love that we are a work in progress.

Today make yourself a nice cup of tea or coffee and just breathe. Just breathe.

Mental Health

Anxiety

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Fear

Devotional

Daily Reading: Fear not, for I am with you: Be not

dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen

you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Daily Devotional:

This is a letter to fear in your life

Dear Fear

Fear it is time for you to go.

Fear you have been evicted from our lives.

We have had enough of you controlling our lives and it is

time for you to leave.

By saying goodbye to you it will allow us to live the life that God has intended for us.

No longer will we be bound by your control; no longer

will we shrink back?

We have listened to your lies long enough.

We know that you are a liar.

Fear,  we will challenge your lies by the word of God and

what he says about us.

God’s word says that we are fearfully and wonderfully

made.

God is in our lives and he said Fear not for I am will

you.

Fear when you leave and when we look to God our lives

will be changed for the better.

You may still be hanging around in the background but we

will not let us stop what we have been called to do.

Fear. we do not fear you anymore.

Have you ever wanted to write a letter to fear to say

goodbye?

The verse from Isaiah is encouraging.

Together let’s encourage one another.

So for today let’s Pray, dream and walk boldly knowing

that God is with us.

Be bold, be brave, be courageous.

Anorexia Nervosa

Mental Health

Community Voices

The Scales

The Scales

The Scales will never rule my life again.

Do you have a scale at home that you weigh yourself on?

If you do throw it out. Wow that is such a radical thought.

At first, I wanted the comfort of the scales I wanted to know that they were in my house and that I had access to them anytime I wanted. In a way, they had complete control over me and they dictated to me whether I would have a good day or a bad day depending on what they said.

Oh, my goodness looking back now I cannot believe that I let something so insignificant have control over my life. How could scales tell you how to feel that can’t even talk. They cannot say Hello Tracey how are you this morning stand on me and I will tell you what sort of day you are going to have. Well going by that number your day is going to be horrible.

Can they?

I cannot believe how much power I gave them.

We all need to reclaim the power back from them. No object should tell us how we are feeling or what our day is going to look like.

No object should have control over us.

No object should have that much power over one person.

Today is the day where you can reclaim your life.

When I came back from hospital, I had scales in my bathroom and yes, I did continue to weigh myself for a little while.

Then I had one of those moments (one of those light bulb moments) where I thought I need to throw them out. I need to get them out of my house.

They had been sort of a friend for a while but was it a really healthy friendship?

Is it really healthy to have a friend that is always saying to you, sorry you are just not good enough you just don’t measure up? You need to lose more kilos?

The day came where I took control back of my life from the scales.

I went into the bathroom, picked them up and walked confidently and with a purpose to the big bin out the front of my house.

I flung open the lid of the bin, threw the scales in and shut the lid then I walked back to my house promising myself that I would never allow scales to have a place in my home or life again.

And they haven’t.

Eating Disorders

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

It Does Not Deserve a Name

I had been in recovery for a few months when I finally became angry at having an eating disorder so I wrote It.

It (It does not deserve a name)

It has stolen years from me

It has kept me isolated

It was my best friend

It controlled me

It took away my dreams, hopes and desires

It kept me small

It made me frail

It turned my bones into chalk

It bullied me

It gave me no direction

It controlled me

It became all I’ve known

It kept me weak

It left me frail

It was dark, ugly and deceiving

It did not have my best interest for me

It was loud

It left me empty

It left me broken

It made me feel invisible  It scared me

It was not my best friend.

Imagine having a friend like that?

Eating Disorders