The Loud Destruction
Initally I didn't know what to call it it. But I remembered the first time I felt it. I hated the way it made me feel but still, I couldn't let people know that I had held it. It weakened me, but I refused to let people see the weak in me. I felt like it was eating me up from the inside out. And it made me want to tear the uneasiness from the insides out. Constantly having to deal with these monsters, where they seem to be winning this fight of destruction. Anxiety building with constant nightmares, with all around to stare. Laughter coming from the monsters, who just stand there, weighing me down without any care. All those lies bringing me down, where I can't seem to arise from what's above. Insecurities on display, where I can't seem to crush them down. This constant battle is all I've known for. Tearing me up inside, I feel constricted, where my veins are squeezing, my stomach is in knots, my nerves are out of whack, where does this end? My stomach is beating faster and faster, my brain is increasingly stimulating like crazy, but the monsters don't seem to care. All they seem to care is the constant lies that springs out of them, making me feel like I'm the victim of the destructed dooms. The dooms that cause loud kabooms inside my head.
The monsters tell me that they are my friend, that they'll be with me, around every bend. But all they speak out is the things that I have fears of. Claiming that if I fail, consequences will be severe. And when I hear those sounds of kabooms, that's what everything spins and the torture begins. The monsters wakes me up at night, making my chest feel bounded and tight, robbing my sleep, sharply interrupting things I wish to keep. The words they say, distressed and oppresses me, where the peace is ripped away and I'm replaced with the unrest. My confidence is erased and my breath is out of place. Everything that I hoped for, falls away. My dreams and desires, they rot and decay. The monsters make me feel sharply alert and painfully aware of every moment and memory of despair. They remind me that no one cares, that my body and mind is beyond repair. I'm robbed of rationality, driven by their brutality of their presence. They keep pleading me for their attention, yet I know of their reality of their invasion is constricted. Even though they try to get under my skin, they will never win, because they are the dooms of my destruction.