Dear Chronic Pain,
I would like to start out by letting you know you’re the biggest pain in the butt. You have showed me a life like no other. You have left me feeling like an outcast — few people understand what I go through. Sometimes the hell you put me through becomes too much for me to handle and I break down. I wish you didn’t take away from me all that you did. Some things we may be able to compromise on, although other things I’ll never get back. You took those things away for good.
I never imagined I would live my life constantly fighting. I didn’t realize you were part of my story until I crossed that bridge that led me directly to you. A bridge I so badly wish I never crossed. It sucks not remembering what it’s like to be pain free.
The mental pain you cause is just as debilitating. Some days I sit there dumbfounded, wondering how I can hold on any longer. It’s not a life I exactly want to live, although with some practice, I’ve learned to accept it and make the best of it. I guess a part of me should be thanking you, thanking you for the bittersweet moments you have brought me.
You showed me what it takes to create true inner strength. Until I was thrown into the life full of you, I didn’t know what strength truly was. Strength is keeping a smile on your face and going about your life with all the same responsibilities as everyone else while experiencing chronic pain every second, minute, hour of the day. Thank you for throwing me into a situation that tested me; to your surprise, I passed. Thanks for all the moments that tore at my heart. I’m talking about all the lost “friends” who weren’t there through thick and thin as they promised. I learned the only person I can truly depend on is myself; being my own advocate and source of happiness is the best medicine I can give myself.
There’s way too much you have taught me. I’ve learned lessons many never get to learn, all because they haven’t met a friend like you. You, chronic pain, are my friend. You have tested my strength and thrown me into situations you doubted I could overcome. As much as I hate you at times, you’ve showed me a side of myself I didn’t know existed. Every last mental breakdown or moment I wanted to give up on a life full of you was worth it. I hear from people all the time “I’m sorry” when I introduce you. I smile and say,”It’s OK.” It’s OK, because the person I’ve grown into become a warrior.
You may have taken away a lot from me, but good luck trying to get my dignity, too.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
The friend you never knew you had
If you or someone you know needs help, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.
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Anna is 21 years old and suffers from complex regional pain syndrome, postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, gastroparesis, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, anxiety, depression and other chronic illnesses. She is currently a full-time student looking to pursue a career as a Physical Therapist.
annaevenosky