Why I’m Stressed About My Father-Daughter Wedding Dance Song
I’ve been searching the Internet for weeks now, trying to pick the perfect song for the father-daughter dance at my wedding. I’m marrying the love of my life in a month, and I’ve been swept up in dress fittings, ring shopping and day dreams about our future together. I’m not stressing out about the little things you see on wedding reality TV shows, like the flowers and the color of the tablecloths. But I do want the song I dance with my father to be perfect. But where to start?
I’ve asked my father for suggestions, but he doesn’t know where to start, either. I want the perfect sentiment to be expressed, a three-minute snippet to show my unspeakable gratitude for my father, the most devoted, loving and hard-working man I know.
I want a song that will evoke the joy he’s constantly filled my life with. Every 22-hour road trip to Disney World, every piano recital he sat through, every karate class he carpooled me to — what kind of song will let him know I remember every small, selfless act?
Maybe my father isn’t much help with song suggestions, because he’s too overwhelmed with feelings. I often wonder how he feels letting go of his only girl and youngest child. I’m sure he is sentimental as he recalls his first dance with my mother more than 40 years ago. He also must worry about me and how I will fare in the uncharted territory of marriage and adulthood.
When I become a married woman, just under a month away, I’ll be closing a chapter of my life — a chapter that has been filled with unexpected medical turbulence and a bit more time spent with my parents than I had anticipated as a teen.
Nobody could have predicted my coma when I was 18 and the life-altering events that would unfold in the next 10 years. Nobody could have warned my father that his duties as a physician would extend past his office. But without a second of hesitation, my father doubled his role as a love-filled, dedicated dad and tireless hero. My father was incredible just being my dad. But he was also instrumental in saving my life and then keeping my spirit alive.
Nobody wishes for their child to get sick, and I often think of the dual responsibilities that my father had to manage. As a physician, he understood the danger I was in as I was transported from hospital to hospital. And to this day, I still see the unwavering strength and determination in his eyes to make sure nothing prevents me from living the health-filled, limitless and vibrant life I deserve.
When I was stuck in hospitals for months (and when he wasn’t trying to analyze my latest blood work with the nurses on call), he was taking me for wild and crazy wheelchair rides, rubbing my feet to ease the neuropathy or reading to me by my bedside. And now I just want to repay him with the perfect song.
The wedding is in less than a month, and I still don’t have a song in mind. But perhaps it’s not the song that’s so important. As a daughter, I want to show him that I love him, even when I lose my patience, or rush by him, or forget to thank him for every little act of kindness he’s shown me since I could say the word “dad.”
I want to make my father proud, to give him the confidence that I’ll make a wonderful wife and the faith that I’ll thrive living on my own, swept away by the new man in my dreams. I want the song to show that although my fiancé is the love of my life, my father will always have my heart.
I’m still waiting for the song to come to me. All I want is to show my dad is how unconditional my love is, whether it’s the bratty little girl he raised, the moody teen, the busy bee, the out-and-about woman or the person who’s hard to reach sometimes.
But that’s the thing about fathers. They always know. Whatever the song, whatever the mood, my father knows how much I love him. I just want him to know that I know it, too!
I’m searching all over the Internet still, and I’m lost in the pages and pages that come up with “father-daughter wedding song” results. But with my heart in the right place, I hear the music already.
The Mighty is asking the following: What’s one unexpected source of comfort when it comes to your (or a loved one’s) disability and/or disease? If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to community@themighty.com. Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio. Check out our “Share Your Story” page for more about our submission guidelines.
Want to celebrate the human spirit? Like us on Facebook.
And sign up for what we hope will be your favorite thing to read at night.
Amy Oestreicher is a PTSD peer-to-peer specialist, artist, author, writer for The Huffington Post, speaker for TEDx and RAINN, health advocate, award-winning actress, and playwright. As a survivor and “thriver” of nearly 30 surgeries, a coma, sexual abuse, organ failure, and a decade of medical trauma, Amy has been challenged with moments of extreme difficulty. But, as an artist, actress, college student, and overall lover of life, Amy eagerly shares the lessons learned from trauma and has brought out the stories that unite us all through her writing, mixed media art, performance and inspirational speaking. Amy has headlined international conferences on women’s leadership, entrepreneurship, mental health, disability, creativity, art therapy, and domestic violence prevention. She is a regular lifestyle, wellness, and arts contributor for over 70 notable online and print publications, and and her story has appeared on NBC’s TODAY, CBS, Cosmopolitan, Seventeen Magazine, Washington Post, Good Housekeeping, MSNBC, among others. She has devised workshops for the Transformative Language Arts Network National Conference, the Eating Recovery Foundation, the 40th Anniversary New England Educational Opportunity Association Milestones Conference, the Annual National Mental Health America Conference, and others, and was this year’s keynote speaker for the Hawaii Pacific Rim International Conference on Diversity and Disability. To celebrate her own “beautiful detour”, Amy created the #LoveMyDetour campaign, to help others cope in the face of unexpected events. To creatively engage others in improving mental health , Amy developed a program combining mental health advocacy, sexual assault awareness, PTSD education and Broadway Theatre for college campuses, organizations and conferences, launching a Detourist Network, and Detourist Workshops to creatively fight stigma in society. “Detourism” is also the subject of her TEDx Talk and upcoming book, My Beautiful Detour, available December 2017. As the 2014 Eastern Regional Recipient of Convatec’s Great Comebacks Award and WEGO Health 2016 “Health Activist Hero,” Amy is a passionate voice in the ostomy community, founding the online community Fearless Ostomates, speaking for National and Regional WOCN conferences, and writing for the official print publication of the UOAA. Her presentations on alternative medicine, and patient advocacy and healthcare have also been accepted to international conferences on patient care, internal medicine, medical trauma and therapeutic humor in healthcare. As a playwright, Amy has received awards and accolades for engaging her audiences in dynamic conversation on trauma’s effects on society, including Women Around Town’s “Women to Celebrate 2014, BroadwayWorld Best Theatre Debut, and Bistro Awards New York Top Pick. Amy has written, directed and starred in a one-woman musical about her life, Gutless & Grateful, touring theatres, schools, festivals, conventions and organizations since it’s 2012 New York debut. Her original, full-length drama, Imprints, exploring the effects of trauma on the family and the healing power of creativity, was a finalist at Manhattan Repertory Theatre, and is currently in development for a full New York production. Amy’s collaboration with Beechwood Arts on “Resilience and the Power of the Human Spirit”, has traveled around the world, using her monologues, art, writing and recipes to express the life-altering detours and ultimately the invaluable gifts of her resilient journey. She is also a passionate arts advocate, a successful mixed media visual artist, a continuing education studio arts teacher, and an active member of the League of Professional Theatre Women, League for Advancement of New England Storytellers, Fairfield County Cultural Alliance, Theatre Artist Workshop, and several art guilds throughout Connecticut and New York. Amy is currently touring the country with her one-woman musical, Gutless & Grateful, her keynote presentations, workshops and signature talkbacks, which she has devised specialized versions for corporations, college campuses, survivors, healthcare professionals, and artists. She is leading mixed media creativity workshops to promote creativity as a mindset, an essential survival skill. Amy also offers creative coaching and consulting services help others navigate their own “life detours,” and prides herself most on ending each night with a gratitude list. Together, we’re stronger.
amy-oestreicher