To the Man at Walmart Who Laughed at the Woman Stuttering
To the man at Walmart,
Last night, as you stood there staring and laughing, you saw a woman struggling to speak, stuttering and stammering her way through sentences. For some reason, you found this comical and continued to laugh as you walked by.
If you had looked more closely, you would have seen my loving fiancé, who has stuck with me through all of my diagnoses, medical procedures and struggles. A man who understands my stuttering sentences and always knows exactly how to make me feel beautiful and special every single day, regardless of my illness.
You would have seen my glasses, which I acquired after losing 50 percent of my vision from the scarring of my optic nerves from filling up with spinal fluid. And you would have seen me. Someone who suffers from a neurological condition called intercranial hypertension, which leaves me with excruciating headaches on a regular basis, but still puts a smile on her face every day.
And while you were looking at me, laughing, what you couldn’t see was this: the three bags of prescriptions I had just filled at the pharmacy to complete the 18 pills I take daily (more on the bad days) in order to function, just to walk, talk, work and live a less-than-normal life. You couldn’t see the three inches of hair I had grown underneath my wig since shaving my head last April to have brain surgery. You couldn’t see the tube that goes from my skull, underneath my skin, into my neck and down into my abdomen to drain the excess fluid off my brain. You don’t see the seizures that often leave me in paralyzing pain for hours. You don’t see the thousands of dollars in medical debt I’ve accumulated in a short amount of time.
So as much as your laughter hurt, I have endured much worse pain. You never know what someone is battling in their lives. Next time you see someone struggling, take a moment to look closely. You might just see things with a fresh set of eyes and realize that everyone has their own burden to bear — most of which are no laughing matter.
The Mighty is asking the following: Write a letter to anyone you wish had a better understanding of your experience with disability, disease or mental illness. If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to community@themighty.com. Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio. Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.
Alissa Morgan is 23 and from Wyoming. Her fiance, Matt, proposed to her two weeks before she started showing symptoms of high CSF pressure. She had facial paralysis, headaches and stuttered speech. After two weeks of running tests every day, she was taken for a lumbar puncture, where her opening pressure was 45 (“normal” is 10-20). It was then she was diagnosed with intercranial hypertension. Her life hasn’t been the same since. But she has taken this hand she was dealt and turned it into something wonderful. She has started a local support group for people who suffer with chronic pain. They are 80 members strong.
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