neurodiversity

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on my life and wondering where I went wrong. I thought I’d have a successful career, a family, a house, stability, and happiness. But right now, things look very different.

I don’t have any of those things, and I’m really hard on myself because of it. I constantly think about the past and the choices I didn’t make that might’ve led me in the direction I always wanted to go. Then I think about the future and dread it because, in my mind, nothing is ever going to change. My negative thinking creates this barrier I can’t seem to get past. I convince myself that things are never going to change for the better.

I’ve had very high expectations of myself ever since I was a child. My goal was to blend in and be like everyone else. I wanted to keep up with their pace and progress alongside them. I never wanted to be left behind. But the thing is, I was dealing with challenges and hardships that I couldn’t understand. I was neurodivergent but wouldn’t find that out until much later in life.

Now, I have a better understanding of why things felt so hard for me all the time. I can see the signs of ADHD and autism. I thought I was just shy and quiet and would eventually grow out of it. It seemed I would get past my fears and sensitivity. But it never happened. Sure, I got by somehow. I did make it through school, earning my bachelor’s degree in journalism. But let me tell you, I certainly struggled to get there.

I’ve always had insecurities. I thought I was too quiet, too nervous, too boring, or too much for everyone around me. These insecurities held me back from a lot in life. And they still do.

My anxiety and depression have worsened over the years. I’ve remained stagnant, still, alone, and just plain stuck in a repetitive cycle of overthinking the worst about myself. It’s just so hard not to compare yourself to other people around you when you watch them get everything they’ve ever wanted in life.

My friends all have stability, relationships, families, houses, independence, and are doing really well. I can’t help but compare myself. It’s hard to see everyone else have a type of happiness that I never think I’m going to get. My mindset has been, well, if it hasn’t happened by now, it never will. And I can’t seem to shake that feeling.

And when I see other people moving forward, I start feeling like I need to make an immediate change in my own life. I want to catch up. I want to figure everything out and find a solution to whatever is making me feel so stuck. It’s almost like I need something to happen right away to make me feel like I’m finally moving in the right direction. I know that kind of change doesn’t happen overnight, but that doesn’t stop me from getting frustrated when I can’t make things happen as quickly as I’d like. It’s hard to be patient when I’m already feeling like I’ve waited so long.

It’s so hard to see others move on while I feel like I’m being left behind. But I’m learning that everyone does things at their own pace, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It would be helpful if things were a little easier for me to obtain.

Often I judge myself, believing I am unworthy of happiness, love, and all the things that make life feel good. I have a hard time believing I’ll ever find that.

I know that sounds so negative, but that’s just how I feel. If I’m not there yet, I start to think I never will be. I know that isn’t necessarily true, but it’s hard to see things differently when I’ve felt this way for so long.

I’m just too set in my ways right now. I’m used to being alone in all senses of the word. And I can’t even imagine my life beyond that. I think that someone won’t understand me and will find me to be too much or not enough. And in all honesty, I just feel unlovable because no one, other than my parents, has ever loved me in return.

So, how could I possibly think things will change if I’ve never experienced reciprocated feelings?

It affects every aspect of my life. Not just in love, but in everything. Holding a job is difficult. Having little to no money is discouraging. Living with my parents makes me feel ashamed. There are everyday stressors that build up over time and release into a spiral of emotions that are hard to control.

But I have to remind myself that not being where I thought I’d be doesn’t mean I’ve failed or somehow missed my chance. I know that my life doesn’t have to look like someone else’s. And I don’t have to put so much pressure on myself to have it all figured out by now.

I think the frustration comes from wanting so badly to feel like I’m moving forward, even when I don’t know exactly what moving forward looks like.

I don’t want to spend so much time worrying about where I thought I’d be that I lose sight of where I actually am. But I also don’t want to pretend that those feelings don’t exist. It’s okay to wish things had turned out differently. It’s okay to want more for yourself. And it’s okay to feel frustrated when life doesn’t look the way you imagined.

I just need to remind myself that I’m not out of time. There is still a path to where I want to be. I just need more patience with myself.

What is one thing you wish were different about your life right now, and how can you give yourself a little more patience while you work toward it?

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” — C.S. Lewis

#MentalHealth #ADHD #Autism #Depression #Anxiety #Loneliness #Neurodiversity

Mental health isn't always visible, and you never know what someone might be dealing with behind the scenes. 💚

For World Mental Health Day, let's keep the conversation going, be a little kinder to ourselves and others, and remember that we don't have to see someone's struggle for #youarenotalone it to matter.

#MentalHealth #Neurodiversity #ADHD #Depression #Anxiety #AutismSpectrumDisorder #MightyTogether

ADHD isn’t always about a lack of attention. Sometimes it’s about not being able to control where your attention goes.

I can be completely focused on something I’m interested in and lose hours without realizing it, while also struggling to start something I genuinely want to do.

That was one of the things I didn’t understand about myself before my ADHD diagnosis.

There’s so much more to ADHD than being distracted.

💚 Happy ADHD Awareness Month.

#MentalHealth #ADHD #Neurodiversity

Remember, you don’t have to solve everything to take care of yourself today. 💚
When anxiety pulls attention toward everything that might happen, it can help to pause and ask: “What is actually within my control right now?”

Maybe it’s setting a boundary, asking for help, choosing rest, changing how you speak to yourself, or taking one small step forward.

Because sometimes, one small choice is enough for today. 🌿 #ADHD #ADHDInGirls #Neurodiversity #SubstanceRelatedDisorders #MentalHealth #Depression #Addiction #Anxiety

I’ve come to realize that my brain has a very strong opinion about the temperature.

And I mean a very strong opinion.

I’ve always been sensitive to heat and light, but I don’t think I fully realized just how much they affect me until my recent trip.

I was hot and sweaty for what felt like the entire trip. I just could not seem to cool off no matter how hard I tried. I even had one of those little handheld electronic fans with me, which did help a little, but not nearly as much as I would have liked. At some point I was basically carrying around a tiny fan and hoping it would save me.

In Romania, the weather was hot and muggy, and I swear the sun hits differently out there. It was intense.

Honestly, I now understand why Dracula hid from the sun and only came out at night.

At my friend’s wedding, I started the day with my hair straight with a few curls in it. By the end of the day, my hair was basically soaked from sweating. Not exactly the look I was going for.

And it wasn’t just uncomfortable. The heat really took a lot out of me.

I started noticing how much the weather and light were affecting me physically and emotionally. I’ve always known that bright sunlight is a sensitivity for me, but being in that kind of heat for days at a time made it much harder to ignore.

Then we got to Italy.

One day, my friend and I decided to go see the Leaning Tower of Pisa. We had rented a car during our stay, but we ended up parking pretty far away from the tower. So, we had quite a walk to and from the car.

And it was sweltering.

I mean, really sweltering.

I remember trying to jump from one shady spot to the next, basically chasing any little patch of shade I could find.

By the time we were done, we were both miserable.

We had spent the day doing a lot of sightseeing, and between the walking, the heat, the sun, and everything else going on, it became overwhelmingly exhausting. It affected both of our moods. I remember thinking that I could really use some alone time somewhere cool and quiet.

And that was probably one of the bigger things I took away from the trip.

I realized just how affected I can be by weather and light, and I started thinking about how much this connects to my neurodivergence.

I know my brain already takes in a lot. I notice sounds, people, changes in my surroundings, how my body feels, and a million little things that I don’t always consciously realize I’m processing. When I’m comfortable, I can handle a lot more of it. But when I’m hot, sweaty, tired, and in bright sunlight, it feels like I’ve already used up a good portion of my bandwidth.

Then everything else starts getting to me.

The crowds feel more exhausting. The noise bothers me more. Walking around feels harder. My patience gets shorter, and I can feel myself getting irritable or overwhelmed without always understanding why in the moment.

I think that’s what I’ve been learning about myself.

It’s not that I suddenly can’t handle being outside or that I don’t enjoy traveling. It’s that when my body is uncomfortable, I have less room left for everything else my brain is processing.

And I don’t always recognize that right away.

Sometimes I just know that I’m getting annoyed, tired, or overwhelmed, and it takes me a minute to realize that I’ve been hot for hours and haven’t had a chance to properly decompress.

I’ve had so many moments in my life where I’ve looked at other people and wondered why something seemed so much harder for me. I’d see someone else walking around in the heat like it was nothing while I was desperately looking for shade and thinking about how much I wanted to be somewhere cool.

For a long time, I think I automatically assumed I was just being too sensitive.

Now I’m starting to look at it differently.

I know myself better than I used to, and I know that certain sensory experiences affect me more than others. Heat and bright light are two of those things. When they’re combined with everything else that comes with traveling, I can reach my limit a lot faster.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be there.

I can be having an amazing day and still need to get away somewhere quiet. I can be excited about what I’m seeing and still be completely exhausted afterward. I can love a place and still want nothing more than to get back to my room, turn on the air conditioning, put on comfortable clothes, and not have to process one more thing.

Those things can exist at the same time.

I think that’s what I’m learning to recognize about myself. I don’t have to compare my experience to someone else’s and decide that I should be handling things differently just because they seem fine.

If I’m hot, I’m hot. If the sunlight is bothering me, I need to get out of the sun. If I’ve had enough stimulation and need some alone time, I probably need some alone time.

That’s not me being difficult. It’s me paying attention to myself.

And apparently, my brain has decided that 90-degree weather and direct sunlight are personal enemies.

Which honestly explains a lot.

I love traveling. I love being outside. I love exploring new places and seeing things I’ve never seen before.

But I also need shade, air conditioning, water, comfortable clothes, and probably my little electronic fan.

And apparently, occasional alone time in a dark room.

I’m learning that those things help me regulate when I’ve taken in more than I realize. I don’t need to wait until I’m completely overwhelmed to give myself what I need.

So yes, my brain has a very strong opinion about the temperature.

And apparently, that opinion is find the shade.

What’s something that affects you more than you realized?

“The body keeps the score.”—Bessel van der Kolk

#SensoryProcessingDisorder #ADHD #MentalHealth #Neurodiversity #MightyTogether

I obviously just accidentally deleted this post as I was typing it.

I hate when your plans get turned around on a dime. My aunt forced me to come to her bridal shower last-minute, and now I have to deal with that, my friends' birthdays being back-to-back weekends, researching certifications to get until I feel confident enough to go back to school for my Bachelor's, everyday chores, volunteering for midterms, volunteering for church, and downtime. When I have so many responsibilities to deal with (especially unpredictable), my brain just turns into a cacophony of traffic jams, barking dogs, and overlapping conversation. How do people deal with actually being a responsible adult and having plans change all the time? #ADHD #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Neurodiversity #routine #Adulthood

How do you deal with uncertainty?

Honestly, I don’t deal with uncertainty very well. It’s always been difficult for me because I like to know what is going to happen, where I’m going, what I’m supposed to do, and what to expect. When I don’t have those answers, my mind starts filling in the blanks.

And more often than not, it doesn’t fill them in with anything particularly helpful.

I think part of what makes uncertainty so uncomfortable is that there is nothing I can really do to control it. I can plan, prepare, and think through every possible scenario, but eventually, there are things that are simply out of my hands.

I’m the kind of person who likes to know all the details ahead of time, so I feel prepared for every possible outcome. But life throws you curveballs sometimes, and no matter how much you prepare for something, a whole new direction can change the trajectory.

There could be a change of plans. A delayed flight. A conversation that doesn’t go the way you thought it would. A decision I don’t know how to make. A future I can’t quite picture yet.

So, over time, I’ve started finding little ways to make uncertainty easier to deal with.

One of the biggest things is giving myself something I can control.

If I’m traveling, I might make a packing list. I’ll look at the schedule a few dozen times, figure out where I need to be, and make sure I have the things that make me feel comfortable. I may not be able to control everything that happens during the trip, but I can make sure I have my headphones, my snacks, comfortable clothes, and a few familiar things with me.

I always try to remind myself that I don’t need to know everything right now. And even though that is hard for me, it’s a lot easier than panicking about things that don’t go as planned.

The thing is, I feel a sense of safety and calm when I know the answers ahead of time. I like knowing how something is going to turn out. I like to know whether I’m making the right decision before I make it.

But sometimes there isn’t an answer yet.

Sometimes you just have to take the next step and see what happens.

I always have to remind myself that uncertainty doesn’t automatically mean what comes next will be terrible. In fact, it could actually be something wonderful.

That doesn’t always make the uncertainty disappear, but it does give me another possibility to consider.

And sometimes, I try to stay in the present instead of jumping too far ahead.

I don’t think I’ll ever master uncertainty.

I still overthink, worry, and want to know what happens next. But I’m learning that the goal isn’t to eliminate uncertainty. It’s learning that I can handle not knowing.

I can create a plan without expecting everything to go according to it.

I can prepare without trying to control every outcome.

And I can remind myself that I have gotten through uncertain moments before.

The truth is, I didn’t always know how those moments would turn out. But eventually, they became something I could look back on.

Perhaps that’s what makes uncertainty a little easier to live with.

You don’t have to know the whole story.

Sometimes, you just have to trust yourself enough to keep turning the page.

How do you handle uncertainty when you don’t know what comes next?

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”— Albert Einstein

#MentalHealth #Neurodiversity #ADHD #Autism #selfcare #MightyTogether