Loneliness

I am constantly being told my life has worth by fleeting medical services but they are all happy for my life to be all my time alone with no purpose. Throw meds at me and that's job done. My life clearly doesn't have worth or that wouldn't be the case. But dare I try to end it, OH what an awful person I am. I do not feel safe with anyone. Prescriptions are done wrong, medical appointments are impossible to get or cancelled last minute. My pains are ignored, the wrong information is recorded on medical notes. I live my life in fear. Any attempt to make sure things are sorted in time that I can fix them if they go wrong (such as this computer thing last week which left me in days withdrawal from a strong medication) result in me being treated like I'm being unreasonable. If I relay all the things that have happened to me under the NHS they sound so impossible to happen that I'm put down as delusional. Every day is a fight to exist to live a life I don't even want. There's a reason solitary confinement is a punishment in prison - because it's awful. Unwell and disabled people are living this but we didn't commit crimes. I constantly shake from anxiety and fear, made worse by solitude. If I attempt suicide there's this big hoohar but leaving me to rot is completely acceptable#Loneliness

I lost my cat five days ago, I put out posters, posted on next-door, talked to my neighbors, talked to the vet….all the things you need to do. He may be gone now or he may show up in a week, two weeks. Sometimes Cats just do that. Anyway, my heart is breaking.
I’m also having many relationship issues and just I’m having a hard time coping. Thanks for listening.

I’m tired of being me. It’s exhausting. My entire body is sore and feels like it’s starting to shut down.

My depression has gotten worse. It’s escalated. I’ve started noticing more ways to end my life during the course of each day. I don t think I could actually go through with it because of the pain it would cause my wife and kids. But I feel like my existence to them is becoming an increasing burden. I’m more irritable because I’m failing to manage myself and get my shit sorted.

I’ve recently turned 40, and it’s beyond depressing to think that I’m unable to provide well enough for my wife to take a break from working full time, and for us to be less stressed.

I’m my own worst enemy. Procrastination is my first name and Depression is my last. I just don’t have the energy anymore to drive myself towards goals.

I’ve deliberately dropped contact with most members of my extended family as I don’t feel like sharing the one-sided positive highlights, and not sharing the negatives. I don’t have anyone close that I can really relate to anymore.

I don’t wish to be a burden, I hate my existence which is so futile at this point.

My energy is so low that it’s starting to impact everything.

I sleep after 2am and wake up in an epic rush to get the kids ready and to school.

My wife and I are growing apart. I’ve become an unreliable person in terms of helping her secure our future. Our marriage has been sexless for over 10 years with limited intimacy exacerbating my loneliness even further.

I have lost my identity as a person. I know what qualities I used to like about myself but I only see fragments nowadays. I feel as though I have just not been able to live up to my wife’s expectations. She’s been rejected by my family in so many passive aggressive ways and I’ve born the pain of that as the emotional punching bag.

You would never say this if you meet me.

I have a great ability at talking to anyone, super cheerful, easy going, funny sense of humour. This is all on the surface.

Deep down, I feel nothing.

I feel disconnected from everything.

The few positive moments in my day are my children and sometimes my wife when she’s not stressed out by our nuts life.

We both work full time in professional jobs but I’m barely holding it together. I’m falling more and more behind because each night I just think that my life needs to end and my family will be in a better place.

I have vivid dreams that I walk out and choose homelessness and just die quietly amongst a rubbish pile on a cold night.

Despite the pain my family would go through in re-organizing their lives, my wife is strong enough to make it happen with the kids. I’m dead weight and the weakest link.

My life didn’t work, despite all the opportunity and privilege I’ve had.

I’ve missed most major milestones because I’ve never planned for anything in my entire life. I feel as though I missed the class on prioritization, planning, goal-setting.

Trying to do all of this at age 40 is a f***ing nightmare.

I’ve failed at building it.

I can’t help but feel I know have confirmed that I am a loser.

I just finished the series of sweet home, I did not satisfied in the end of the story. I’m alone here at home because my mother go to royal cable. I feel lonely because it is been one month since i am here but nothing happens. My ipad is broken and i cannot study. I always watching movies, yt and series. I feel useless and hopeless when i am alone. Hope that august will make me productive and healthy. ;)))

What's the deal when those sans status, position, influence, low in all known hierarchies not just professional but also within network of family and friends are served with lemons all their life? It could well be other way round too. The repeated failures, setbacks, loss, defeats...what's the significance of the such emptiness from the inside and outside? How does it further sap you of self-worth and your 'being'? You are disempowered. Powerlessness is experienced in all its hollowing, enervating debiltations. Most importantly the world further humiliates you by denying the validity of your grief, your angst and your loss.

'Oh come on... Nothing earthshaking has happened to you... Others have had it worse... you need to move on... You are stewing far too long...You are just making a pathetic display of your misery..' are common ways of dismissing your loss. And then if you already are a person of no social capital and standing, the disregard and dismissal of your grief, depression is even more felt. Many become even intolerant, finding fault a lot more. Your lapses, errors become extremely glaring and inexcusable. Indeed it's not something you can apologise for as your entire self is condemned. You are avoided, cast aside and isolation is complete. You cannot be leveraged by anyone as you are of no practical use. I as a retired school teacher of no consequence suffering from series of losses each iteratively more intense and damaging, is unworthy of empathy leave alone sympathy. My suffering, my loss, my anguish becomes more easily dismissable for my 'being' is of no consequence.

In the gravely instrumental and game mindset world where all are endowed with power to navigate and negotiate their way through, what do completely destitute folks my sorts do? A sense of being vaporised...ignored, denied, constantly contested where the onus of losses, privations, misery are on my own wretched self😔😢 Of course I myself wouldn't consider being bereft of any values, worth and character being fairly well grounded in sociology, history and politics but these are seen to be so merit less in today's instrumental world. My lament, my despair and cries echoes in empty rooms of my house. Absence of power is a double whammy I endure in repeated loops reduced to a scrounging, prostrate, gooey state.
#Grief #power #Anxiety #Loneliness #Shame #SuicidalThoughts

Hi, my name is blackroses1302. I'm here because this chronic illness path is so lonely

#MightyTogether #RheumatoidArthritis #Migraine #Anxiety

I’m know I’m not the only one who struggles with feeling alone from time to time.. And I know that I’m not alone (glory to God), but sometimes I struggle with ‘feeling’ alone. But this too shall pass. I don’t have the biggest support system yet, but I’m very blessed for the support that I DO have. And that’s what I need to focus on. The things that we don’t YET have, tend to blind us from ALL the blessings that we DO have! So today, I CHALLANGE US to practice being grateful! Every day we get is a blessing from God and another chance to change, to heal, and to receive the gifts God has in store for us!🙌✝️❤️‍🔥 God bless you family! You are loved, and you are not alone. Never believe in Satan’s lies. That’s all he is- a liar and a coward.☝️✝️🤟Love, Macy.🥰💪 #Jesus #NeverAlone #GodBlessYOU #JesusIsLord #NeverGiveUp #StayStrong #inspirational #SOBERLIFE