Loneliness

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Feels like I am a burden

#Dementia #AlzheimersDisease

I need some guidance, I was diagnosed with AD at least 2 years ago. I am depressed, lonely, and sad most days. I feel my family (wife and son) leave me out of day-day activities and decisions cause I may not understand, which is probably right, but I get very emotional to find out things are happening at the last minute. I get the impression that my wife’s patience is just a tad short. I don’t know what else I can do. In addition I am in pain 24/7 with diabetes and other serious illness. I can’t drive and depend heavily on my wife. I have alienated my family in my recent outburst and I don’t see a way forward. Ty for any feedback.

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Depression

For the past couple of months I have been struggling with my depression. Like not eating as much, I mostly stay in my room all day laying in bed. Just feeling like an overwhelming amount of sadness, loneliness has taken over my emotions and quiet frankly my life. It feels like someone's hand is in my chest and squeezing my heart. I don't know what to do. I am on meds for my depression and I have started therapy again. Just don't know how I can get myself to at least get myself out of my bed all day. #Depression

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Toxic situations

It hurts... it really does. Even today, I see that this "love" in a toxic setting is causing someone close to me to become bitter (at least from my vantage point). It is painful because I find myself giving up on love many times over because of how "painful" it is. It's confusing. I have a deep craving for fulfilling relationships, but I can't bring myself to be open up sometimes. I feel lonely around other people, being alone feels safe, but there is still an emptiness from within. I honestly believe that certain traumas are so internalized to the point that it really is like your body is poisoned. Not knowing love in a normal setting, or anything in a normal way, has crippled me emotionally. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder

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My fear is: nothing will ever make it better

I dragged myself out of bed. Trying to really have better habits, trying to do ALL I can to get better. I meditated, went on for a long walk, I have a goal of at least 6 thousand steps per walks, did that, had bad thoughts all the way.

Back home I took a cold shower, and I am now here, eating something and saying if getting things out of my chest helps.

I long for community, but honestly I hate that my community is mental health issues, not to offend anyone, I wish my community would be something cool and up. But I am so lonely and I just don't belong there.

I have a fear. While I am doing much more than before, while I am having better habits, I am afraid nothing will ever bring me satisfaction.

I kinda gave up on "being happy", I don't think it exists. I learnt recently that life is hard, life is work. I believe we can be satisfied, but I know it won't come with money, sex, fanatism, owning belongings, owning nothing lol. It is the hardest mix, cause it is really within us, and it terrorizes me to feel I just don't have it in me and I will be sad even in "my best version".

Then, yes, suicide comes to mind. I don't want to do it, I think it is horrible to think myself as the path of my destruction, but it really is, even if I don't off myself, I think I will self destruct in the long run. It seems the natural progression.

Once the idea of reincarnation made me feel comfortable, now I really hope there is nothing after here, cause I just can't take it another round! #Depression #Bipolar2 #Anxiety #SuicidalThoughts

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Is this the life I have to look forward to? #hopeless #lonely #despair

Why is it that everytime I meet someone I really like, I feel the need to be around them all the time? I can not just be still with myself come nighttime. I worry and panic as to why I haven’t heard from them and ultimately I’m sure I’ll push this person away too like the rest. It gives me such a deep feeling of loneliness that I nearly exhaust myself from crying on a daily basis. I think to myself that being alone is just my future and that no one deserves to have to deal with me and my issues. I’m better off just not involving anyone else. But even that thought makes me cry. I can’t stand this cycle I have created for myself but wonder if this is just the way my life is going to be and I need to accept it.

2 reactions 1 comment
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Is this the life I have to look forward to? #hopeless #lonely #despair

Why is it that everytime I meet someone I really like, I feel the need to be around them all the time? I can not just be still with myself come nighttime. I worry and panic as to why I haven’t heard from them and ultimately I’m sure I’ll push this person away too like the rest. It gives me such a deep feeling of loneliness that I nearly exhaust myself from crying on a daily basis. I think to myself that being alone is just my future and that no one deserves to have to deal with me and my issues. I’m better off just not involving anyone else. But even that thought makes me cry. I can’t stand this cycle I have created for myself but wonder if this is just the way my life is going to be and I need to accept it.

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A Lonely Life

Growing up as an only child I found ways to entertain myself. As I got into school I always found it hard to fit in. Yeah I had friends, but I would rarely be invited/included in things. As a 24 year old now I really want to make new friends but find that I am often too socially anxious to do so. And making new friends takes a lot of energy. I only have three best friends which are 2 hours away, my boyfriend is an hour and a half away. It makes me feel like kind of a loser when my parents ask every weekend if I have plans and I say no. But hey, nothing beats a weekend curled up with a good book.

2 reactions 1 comment