Loneliness

Oh my, getting healthy, took care of the teeth, fed the worm, got rid a da gout, drank the spoon of vinegar, knocked self out with Tylenol and eggs, so tired yesterday, bought the very heavy milk, fed da skinny teen, keep having urges to buy soap, Necked soap, and Australian candles, what can we do to self care and get healthy, salads are not my thing, smoothies are not my thing, homemade soups I like once a month, Ceasar salad with pub grub makes it healthier, just read a famous cookbook and found it annoying, how can you be Vienne saying Chocolate, Cigarettes when you stop, we'll see, lonely heart over and out

I'm having a panic attack again and I cannot imagine another 2 weeks like this I literally cannot do this like actually genuinely I cannot do this i can't I literally can't I wanna die I can't do this I can't keep doing this everyone has been fucked up I can't do it. Remember when I was talking about how much physical pain I'm in and how it will worsen when these exams start? Yeah, now another problem has happened. I got a random dental problem 2 days ago and it's not going away. The pain from it is literally unbearable. I have to deal with my whole body being in excruciating pain all the fucking time and then also do the most pain inducing activities that will make my pain literally intolerable and then a new pain happens literally 2 days before my exams start. I was on my fucking limit when it comes to physical pain. Now the limit has been Crossed beyond a point I didn't even know existed. I'm literally fucking dying I can't do this I fucking can't I would rather die I literally fucking can't. Tomorrow is the fucking exam. Tomorrow. And then after that this shit is gonna go on for over 2 weeks. I can't imagine doing this for more than 2 days. I literally can't. The new tutor is not helping in the slightest, only giving me more to worry about. Honestly I wanna such terrible things about her. She is literally making my life hell instead of help like she's paid to do. This woman is adding more fire. And I have literally no one else. Everyone in the house is sick and having their own issues and trying to deal with them so literally no one cares about me and the agony I'm dealing with and I'm so fucking lonely and exhausted to my core. I know this whole thing sounds dramatic because I don't know how to word it properly. I'm definitely deleting this in a bit anyway. My mind is so crowded right now I just needed to get like 10 of the 100000 worries going on in my head down somewhere. I don't know what to do or where to go. I can't do this. This is a hell I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. My luck is genuinely cursed and I don't care if this is pessimistic or whatever. It's the truth. Life always manages to make me struggle 10000x extra than what's needed. God please just make this new problem go away soon please I can't keep doing this I'm so done. Won't even ask for advice this time at this point. I know there's no point. I've literally done and tried everything already. Even then, if U do think of something that U think maybe I haven't done before, then let me know I guess. I'm so sleep deprived and done with my life.
#MentalHealth #Anxiety #ChronicPain #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PanicAttacks

By societies standards, I should feel great. I should be grateful than my life was saved. I should be thankful that nurses and doctors put hours and hours of labor into my corpse and I am grateful but I do also feel guilty. I don’t want them to feel like their work was all in vain, but at the same time I struggle but I don’t struggle like people would think that I’d struggle I don’t have issues with money. My wife left me two weeks in the hospital stay so I no longer have relationship issues although it was a toxic relationship and kind of glad I don’t have those issues.

Of course, the loneliness of things sets in. The nights bring memories of things I did in my past that were fun times spent with friends now time spent with my ex-wife where we weren’t fighting and things were good.

My uncle left me his house of which I now live in, which would be a blessing if he hadn’t passed away here if I hadn’t found him in this house if the walls didn’t reek of my uncle. Every night here is torture. Knowing what happened what suffering took place here.

Im in pain, not physically but mentally emotionally I don’t know what to do. I want to run but I don’t know where to? crawl out of my skin.

Ive felt many pains over the last few years, but never the pain of what I feel now, I feel I’m one step closer to going catatonic. Life’s finally broken me, people tell me to get out, where do I go? And no offense I don’t want to be around other people like this.

find a hobby they say, what? At the moment in life I enjoy nothing.

You’re just being difficult they say, you don’t value how lucky you are. No I know how lucky I am however my luck came with a curse. Money can’t cure my heart, money can’t bring me happiness. Money can’t find me companionship or connection that lasts longer than a day.

take a trip, where? I don’t want to leave my house

therapy, I’ve tried several, they don’t tell me anything I haven’t already thought about myself in my mind.

And believe me I feel like I’ve tried all of the above, why I may have had fleeting instances of joy and happiness soon I had to come back to reality.

I’ve tried the medication I take 15 different ones for my heart my physical pains I was left with, my kidneys liver just about everything, I have a partially artificial heart and a machine that keeps my heart beating. I’m covered in scars from the vampire scars on my throat where the ventilator was and the medicine tube was, down ny chest and the xxs on my stomach and back I had lines coming out of for months.

Whats wrong with me? Have I just come to the end of my road?

I apologize for these jumbled thoughts they’re from a mind of a sleep deprived individual who’s barely hanging on by a thread.

im not even sure if im looking for some inspiration that might help or save me as I’m not sure there’s much left to say or do that could help that already hasn’t been said I think I’m just leaving these notes so if by some stroke of magic change happens and everything turns around I can look back and remember where I came from. Or if i simply can’t carry the weight anymore at least I’ll have said something and my friend and family will have closure, they’ll at least know how much i suffered inside and that im free and onto greener pastures.

#Suicide #Depression #self #alone #Pain #Life #Journal #PTSD #Broken #empty

Hi I suffer with emphysema and depression and anxiety

most days I don’t want to get out of bed feel like nothing to look forward to and when I do get up and do things my breathing gets worse and then the anxiety kicks in I feel like I’m always looking for something and have stupid thoughts and believe those thoughts I spend hours scrolling on my phone just to pass the day and get very lonely because I can’t do anything with out breathing problems or anxiety but depression kicks in quite often

does any body feel like this or it’s just me

i’ve given it a lot of thought. I’ve already died twice check my profile. You will see that I have a lot of ongoing health conditions while I have regained my ability to walk and function like a normal human being. I am left with the mental and emotional of everything I have been through I suffer severely day by day, night by night

I have nightmares about the things I’ve been through medical wise. I have severe depression. I have turned to all my doctors for help, and every one of them has thrown pills at me. I have even told them that I am suicidal and I’m no longer afraid to die.

I feel like I am damaged beyond repair. And I know people will say I am so lucky. I should be so thankful but they don’t see what goes on inside.

I am lonely. I am broken and I am still dying just slower, but I have five years left at best damage done was very severe and i I just don’t know what to do anymore the night drag on the days are the same day and day out I’m just so so tired and I don’t know how many more nights I can go on like this.

#SuicidalThoughts

This is not me returning to writing. This story has been passed down in my family for generations.

A woman was lonely, so she set fire to the slowest burning part of her house. She hoped to attract a firefighter, and turned people away when they offered to help, assuring them that a heroic firefighter would rescue her soon. As more of her house was engulfed, she realized that she had forgotten to call 911. As she fretted over what to do, Jose Canseco, a retired major league baseball player, ran up to her, asking if she needed help. Realizing it was too late to get the fire department there in time, she consented and had Mr. Canseco lug all of her stuff out onto the lawn.

He brought her dryer out and placed it next to the washing machine just as the house collapsed in a shower of burning ash. “You couldn’t have thrown the ironing board on top of… never mind, you did okay,” she said as he sagged against a china hutch filled with Barbie dolls still in their original packaging.

“Could I trouble you for a bottle of water,” he rasped. “I could trade you an autograph. I was a famous ball player back in the day.” She opened the refrigerator that now reposed by the curb. “I wanted a firefighter,” she said. “Why couldn’t you have been a firefighter?” She withdrew a bottle of champagne and a wine glass and marched through the blackened stubs of her front door and sat on the charred remains of an ottoman Mr. Canseco had overlooked. She took several deep pulls from the bottle. When Mr. Canseco opened the refrigerator in search of water, she hissed at him and chucked her wineglass at his head. He slumped into the appliance he had rescued, its cold embrace the only reason he didn’t bleed to death from his head wound.

Moral: Mr. Canseco was clearly in the wrong, and deserved what he got.

#Suicide #Depression #Trauma #MentalHealth

Hi, my name is izabelamorales. I'm here because I would like to be actively involved in a community who has been/goes through the same struggles as me. I am looking for support and to not feel so lonely.

#MightyTogether #MultipleSclerosis

I wake up feeling a doom in the pit of my stomach, my restful sleeps are disrupted by constant stress that takes over my wellbeing.

Sometimes I just hope for a simple sign or reminder that I don't always have to know why I feel this way but there's not a lot of coping skills I have that work now a days.

Feeling alone in the middle of the night has been my normal, sometimes I need my support system more than ever in these moments but they are all practicing self care through sleep so I'm alone fighting my fears.

It's isolating, lonely and scary most of the time.