Loneliness

I’ve isolated myself from every friend and close family member I’ve ever had and sometimes my depressiveness drives them off. “Don’t be a stick in the mud” when all I really needed was “it’s ok if your sad you can stay around”. Toxic positivity is potent around here lol. But anyways I feel alone most of the time. I’ve grown fondness for my lonesomeness but when I get lonely there’s no one to call on. No one there to check in on me on my darkest days. That sucks.

#CheckInWithMe

Hi, my name is binxy888. You can call me Binx or Binxy. I've been diagnosed with Epilepsy, Lupus, Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, Insomnia, Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD. I work as a director of programs at a major insurance company and own another company. I am a single mom of two teens. I spend most my time masking and hiding my conditions from people as most people do not understand chronic illness. It is very lonely and isolating. I am looking for people that are going through similar situations to relate to.

#MightyTogether #AutismSpectrumDisorder #PTSD #Anxiety #Depression #Lupus #Epilepsy

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I’ve written many posts on this, so I won’t go into detail of each individual thing. I think I hate this city. I feel like not even this city tolerates well to neurodivergent folk/folx like me. No city does. I’ve been threatened, accused, bullied, and misunderstood numerous times (even at a fucking hotel to the point where I had a fucking meltdown), I can no longer trust to go into any hotel now, and I can’t even get fucking disability payment no matter how much I poured my heart out on why I can’t work because the government is too fucking stubborn and ridiculous (and no, I cannot afford a lawyer because I’m not rich). My heart is fucking torn right now just thinking about it. It’s like they want us dead or something. Just for existing.

I hate it here. Am I really just going to be fucking homeless in my future because this damn capitalist society doesn’t give a shit about me? Should I just end it if that’s my future? Because I probably will if I ever have to deal with that shit. I’d rather be dead than sit with the feeling over how this society doesn’t give a fuck about me without a home. There would be no happiness anyway.

(Please refrain from calling me human (I have dysphoria, I’d rather not go into detail right now), please and thank you!)

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #AutismSpectrum #Autistic #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #neurodivergent #Neurodivergency #Vent #triggerwarning #SuicidalThoughts #SuicidalIdeation #SuicideAttemptSurvivors

Some days the loneliness sits quietly with me, and I feel the weight of doing everything on my own. But even in those moments, I remind myself that I am still deserving of love, connection, and people who see my heart. I may feel alone sometimes, but I am not broken I am growing.

#lonelybutstrong #healingjourney #deepfeelings #innerstrength #keepgoing #youarenotalone #emotionaltruth #heartspeak

My birthday is coming up. As I brainstorm how to treat myself to celebrate my day of birth, I wonder how does one raise a glass to a life lived in trauma? Read that again. Lived. In. Trauma. The whole of my life has been battling against physical abuse, emotional abuse, emotional neglect, invisible triggers, emotional dysregulation, suicidal tendencies, disbelonging, loneliness--all that is Complex PTSD (CPTSD).

This is a life to celebrate?

I reject this life. I want to design a new one. I want to experience a rebirth. How do I celebrate the next one?

Any ideas? #CPTSD