Panic Attacks

Today, I’m fustrated with my psychiatrist. I’ve her patient for over 2 years now for severe anxiety and depression. I need her signature to qualify for my Florida retirement disability pension and she said, our office policy won’t allow her to complete the forms. I’m what my doctors call treatment resistant. I have panic attacks regularly, my depression is so bad, I feel numb all over. My chest hurts and have crying spells daily. Sometimes I go days without walking outside. I’m at a loss with my doctor and concerned about how I’m going to survive financially.

I literally can't do this. This is so fucking unfair. This is like asking a blind person to drive. I'm literally not physically equipped for this. I can't do it. I literally had to go through so much pain last year when I had to do this. The pain was so intolerable and unbearable. It literally left me with repetitive nightmares of it. How am I supposed to do this again? I would rather die. I want to die. It's better than living this life. I'm too exhausted to do this. I know I'm just saying the same things over again but I'm literally about to have a panic attack. The suicide thoughts are getting really bad again. I don't wanna go through this. I was told if I just prepare for it better this year then it'll be less agonizing than last year. That was the biggest lie ever. This is so fucking unfair. I'm so done. Literally all I can think about is this. Constantly. My brain is consumed by it. I literally prepared the whole year for this I can't have it go to waste. I don't know what to do. I just wanna escape. I just wanna die. I spend too much of my resources preparing for this. Only to what it to be over asap. I just want it to be over. All I can think about is this when I'm awake. When I sleep, I literally get 10 nightmares in a row about it. I can't escape it even in my sleep I just want it to be fucking over. I stay awake thinking about it. Can't sleep because of it. When I do, the nightmares keep waking me up constantly. I can't do this. With my condition if this were a normal person, they'd be on the hospital bed right now. Not having to work day and night and stress about this. I honestly just want this to end. Just fucking end. Just end. I had enough struggles to deal with. Enough going on. Why did this have to join? Why? And the people that threw this responsibility at me knew how fucking sick I was. But I wasn't "sick enough" for their liking apparently. For them to consider it valid. Even if I'm literally in pain 24/7. But hey, they don't even believe that. And i know that as much as I'm waiting for this just to be over, after it's over I'll get hit with the after math emotions of it and the numbness so There's literally no escape. What do I do? I literally can't do this. I just wanna fucking die. I know I just keep writing vents but I literally don't know where else to go. I have no one else to talk to. I know this is probably getting really old at this point. I just don't know what else to do. I feel so unsupported in a way I cannot describe. I know this probably seems so petty and stupid that I'm complaining about something that everyone goes through. But unfortunately I'm not everyone. I'm a sick disabled person that has the right to accommodations but unfairly isn't getting any at all. Not even a single one. And has to function like an able bodied person and do this. And no one fucking cares. Literally no one. I have literally no support whatsoever. No one fucking cares. Y'know what. I'm so done. I'm so fucking done. I'm in so much pain physically right now too. And the more I think about this the more anxiety I get and it worsens my health and makes my conditions flare up. The amount of invalidation and unfairness and lack of support I have to deal with right now is just.......... Can someone please just have some mercy and kill me?

Hi yall. I hope you guys are doing good and all of you are safe and sound.
So lately I started having anxiety attacks. That’s what I think it is at least.
Muscle pain or tightness, feeling unsafe, like something is about to happen to me, chest pain/burn which I’m always scared gonna lead to heart attack, my throat gets tight and I can’t breath properly. All these thought that’s something will happen to me, that what if I’m gonna die and thing like this.
I’m off my antidepressants and there was a time I felt great. But past 2-3 weeks I’ve been feeling like this every day.
I’m struggling with reflux and sometimes I don’t know if that’s what’s happening or is it my anxiety, panic attack, or heart attack.
I’m tired of dealing with it.. I don’t want to be back on antidepressant because they weren’t really helping much past months. And my doctor just told me to keep taking them and gave me other meds „just in case it gets stronger and I need it”.
How to calm my mind? How to stop feeling anxious, unsafe, and being triggered all the time? Most likely, how to recognize what’s happening and how to stop it? #MentalHealth #Anxiety #PanicAttacks