When I Hear That My Daughter’s Apraxia Will Never Go Away

Hello apraxia. Hello global apraxia.

It’s hard to believe we’ve never talked, especially since I’ve certainly done my fair share of talking about you. When I gazed into my new baby girl’s eyes, and laughed along happily to her hearty giggles, I had no idea then that you were there, lurking in the shadows.

The day I discovered you were behind the delayed motor milestones and the lack of speech, I cried heavy tears and felt a weight I don’t think I quite have shaken yet. You certainly brought your A-game, global apraxia. I hate to admit I have felt defeated by you before.

However, you never managed to crush a small little girl’s determination, attitude, resilience and perseverance.

We are told you will never go away. Anything requiring a motor plan will always take “more repetition than most.” Oh, how many times have we heard that? I hated you once. I hated watching my baby girl struggle to speak, to jump, to ride her bike, to drink without choking. In fact I still hate you as I continue to see her struggle to dress herself, feed herself, and write her name. In fact, I don’t think I’ll ever quite forgive you when I think about the day she almost drowned.

Mostly though, I feel sorry for you.

laura smith daughter the mighty

You have no more power here in this house, because my little girl has shown she can beat you time and time again. She is a hero who wins daily, weekly, and monthly battles, and that winning is something you will never know.

Bet you didn’t expect something so strong to come out of something so small, did you? Well, we actually have that in common. My daughter’s bravery took me by surprise, too.

Because of your stubbornness, we only grow stronger and more confident, knowing that any obstacle in our way can be defeated with faith, tenacity, and an unrelenting positive attitude.

This post originally appeared on SLP Mommy of Apraxia.

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