Autism, sometimes you make things a little more difficult. Sometimes you make things downright hard.
An airplane trip isn’t simple, for example. It requires planning, as do vacations, etc.
I’m a true believer that autism is just a part of who I am. It’s what helps make me, well, me! But I must admit, during the hard moments, it’s hard. It’s hard to not be frustrated with you, autism, and the challenges that come with you.
Like when I don’t feel well and can’t explain what hurts or how it hurts. When I sit at the doctors’ office, looking helplessly, and saying, “It hurts, it hurts.” I don’t expect you to magically know the answer, but sometimes I wish you could read my mind. When I walk through airport security and am scared by the security machine and a pat-down can cause me to flinch and scream loudly. When I reach my limit and scream. When the whole airport turns in our direction… I wish it was easier sometimes.
But you know what? I’m reminded of how far I’ve come. I’m making progress each and every single day. Not every day can be easy, but the good moments out-number the bad. I have a family and friends who love me, and believe in me, and therapists who believe in me and are there to tell me they are proud of me.
A moment not too long ago, after a long traveling day, aircraft trouble and missing our connecting flight home, even my best attempt at holding it together only lasted so long. I screamed and started to cry. Within a few moments, I was calm again. A mom, her son and her husband had been traveling with us all day, and were standing near us in line to rebook our flight when I screamed. LOUDLY.
My mom asked their son if I scared him, to which I said I was sorry and didn’t mean to scare him. His mom looked at my mom and me and said it was okay, not to worry, her friend’s daughter had autism. Then — and this moment will stay with me forever — she told me she thought I was doing a great job, and I could tell she meant it.
So often we are judged, and people stare or comment, but this other mom didn’t do that. I had just screamed so loudly that a large section of the airport could hear me, and she told me I was doing a good job. Sometimes a good job is simply trying your hardest and giving it all you’ve got. I’m always reminded that I’m not on this journey alone. Thank you, autism, for continuing to teach me so much about life.
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